The Way of the Viking
by Mel217
Summary: D'n'G r finally together!But betwn mad pals, scary parents and a someone telling G something that could quite literally ruin her life,G has her PANTS full.Big on the fluff, confusionosity and hilariousity.Pls R'n'R.
1. welcome to the tribe!

_**Disclaimer: I do not own the characters, or anything you recognize, only the plot. Sadly…**_

_5 minutes later_

Godgodgiddygod! Why is he still snogging me? I told him to stop. Well, I said "nunnghh!!" which in any fools language (which is what Dave is, a fool) means STOP SNOGGING ME, I NOW HAVE A SEXY ITALLIAN BOYFRIEND AND I HAVE ABANDONED THE WAY OF THE RED-BOTTOMED MINX! But Dave just smiled and snogged me again.

_10 minutes later_

Just shoved Dave into the pond. Haha, ye olde laugher! He doesn't look very happy. Quite Unlaugh-ish. Like I am an alien with a strawberry for a nose who wants to steal his PANTS. I said "Dave, your pants are safe with me." But he just looked at me. Like a Gordy and Angus when they are about to bite me. Oh God. He is _ignore-vousing_ me. I sat down next to Dave, out of the pond and said, "Come on Dave, it was wrong… And you wouldn't listen to me when I told you to stop." He looked at me, Lord Sandra he has gorgey eyes, kind of Intense and, err, Deep, like a big pond of chocolate. Then FINALLY he said, "Georgia, you said nothing, you shove me in a pond after I told you I love you." Then glared at his soggy shoes. Oh God. Not the love thingy again. "Dave… I'm sorry, ok?" he said nothing. I was going to have to use my powers of EXTREME persuasivosity, that I reserve only to convince Mutti to let me go to a gig. He stood up and turned away from me. I also got up and grabbed his hand and looked at him in a sex kittish way… "Dave I'm SORRY!" he said nothing but his eyes softened a little then he grabbed my other hand and pushed me against the tree.

"Prove it."

"How?"

"Say that you love me"

Oh my god! NOOO I only love him in a matey way, like I love Jas. Even though I don't snog her and she annoys the pants off me. So not in a matey way, but kinda in a matey way. Not a boyfriendish way because that would imply that I want him to be The One. And I don't. I think.

_2 minutws later (still attached to the tree)_

Corrr he is so gorgey when he is being serious! It gives me the horn. Masimo doesn't give me the horn when he looks at me, he just makes me feel like I have something stuck in my teeth. ShutupsieBrain!! I love Masimo, he is my one and only, the only fish in my sea! Even though a certain Hornmeister likes to come for a bit of a swim about every once in a while… since before Masimo even knew about my sea. Dave ALWAYS came for a swim. Which is weird because fish don't have legs so they can't get out of a sea, maybe just hide behind a rock or something. Which means that Dave has always been in my sea, but then how did Masimo get in the sea? Fish can't fly!! Except in an aero plane thingy. For fish. God this is so stupid, remind me to eat Tom for making me think of luurve as a sea with Miracle Flying Fish…

_5 minutes later_

I think I do love Dave. I mean he is the only fish that has AlWAYS been in my sea, he never once made me wait for him in The Sea Of Life like Masimo does. And Masimo can't make me go jelliod just by looking at me like Dave is making me…. And he has a handbag (masimo, not Dave). Sad truth and I vowed it a secret I would take to the grave because Dave would never let it go, but I found it when I went to say goodbye when he went to Italy. And look everything I think ends up with something about Dave. That's not matey. I don't have Jas singing in my head all the time. Ohmigod!!

_2 minutes later_

Here it goes…..

"Dave, I, uh, well you know, uh, have, um… Thought!"

He said, "Georgia, you sound like Ellen; I should hope you have thought,"

"But Dave, I thought about it A LOT and I want you to know that I mean it when I say that… I… Iloveyou!" then I went an attractive shade of beetroot and look down since Dave had actually tightened his grip. What is he doing? Why hasn't he said anything? I'll just look really quickly at him…

_30 seconds later_

He was smiling. God he has a gorgey porgey smile.

_3 minutes later_

Still smiling like loons. The both of us. I'm still jelliod. Just snog me already! Oops. I think I said that out loud… Yay! Dave's leaning forward…

_6 minutes later_

Good Lord Sandra. Dave can do neck nuzzling. It's beyond marvy and entered the world of the very nearly euphoric. He's stopped nuzzling now and is doing a kind of open mouth sucky kiss on the side of my neck just under my ear… it sounds disgusting but feels amazing. I've gone so jelliod my legs have given out and it's just Dave's arms around my waist and my arms around his neck holding me up. He stopped the neck number 5 and moved on to my mouth and kissed me really gently. A proper snog. It was really sweet. Then he moved away and just looked at me. All smiley. Then he said "Tatty-bye missus, explain that to the Italian _borsetta"_ and ran off like a gazelle. Except not so graceful. He fell over the badger hole and into the mud. Haha _tres tres amusant. _

_20 minutes later_

Finally found the tent. I hate nature. And I hate tents. Climbed into the tent really quietly like a whatsit… mouse. But it didn't fool Ro-Ro, the Viking bride turned around in her bag in full gear, beard and death stare. Then she said really menacingly "we've been waiting…" and like zombies in jim-jams all of the Ace Gang emerged from around the tent. Then I said, "Why so serious?" and we all laughed like loons. Which we are.

_10 minutes later_

Godgodgoddygod!! I am going to KILL Dave. Do you know what the bloody snake in trousers did to me? He gave me a lovebite. And Jools discovered it when she was showing the others how she was going to do her hair for the Big Date with Rollo next week and using me as a model thingy and lifted up my hair and Ro-Ro said, "Now we know EXACTLY what Dave and Gee were up to in the woods…" which is unfair because I just convinced them we had found rare, endangered newt poo. Then Ellen started crying and Jas called me a tart and Mabs stared at me and Jools giggled and Rosie stroked her beard. Then Rosie said, "Alas, the fools have fallen!!" and went into her sleeping bag. Then everything went quiet for a while (except for Ellen's sniveling).

_10 minutes later_

Still sitting in silence. Then there was some whispering from outside the tent, it was Dave!! He was right behind Ellen (we could see his outline) and was saying,"Gee, Gee!! Come out! I want to talk." Then there was silence. Ellen cried harder and I just sat in amazed silence. Then he spoke again, in a gentle, soothing voice that overflowed with sexiosity, "Don't cry Gee… It'll be fine. You'll dump Masimo and I'll dump Emma and we won't tell anyone for a while. Gee, come on! Talk to me! Please? Don't cry. I love you…"

Then Ellen REALLY turned on the waterworks and ran out the tent. Dave started cursing and climbed INTO the tent. We just stared at him. Then Rosie stroked her beard and said, "Welcome to the tribe Dave! Bring food and snog Georgia. We will now teach you the way of the Viking…" Jas turned into Mrs. Huffy pants and glared at Dave and then at me and ran after Ellen.

Dave looked insulted and said, "What did I do?!"

So I said, "Ignore her, she has heard the call of nature."

Then Jas said from somewhere unknown, "SHUT UP!! At least I am a good friend and don't snog the one boy that my supposed friend likes!! BACKSTABBER!! And I DON'T have immature little meetings for a tribe of Vikings that DON'T EXIST!!"

Ooooh she has really offended Rosie now, she took off her beard. Then she sadly said, "As one arrives, two leave. Georgia, Dave I wish thee well." And looked really sad and went to bed. And I felt the need to blub, Dave saw this and put his arm around me and whispered really softly, "Gee you not a tart, and you not a bad friend. You can't do anything about how gorgeous I am, it's only expected and natural that you love me…" and I suddenly felt better and giggled. The rest of the Ace Gang smirked and Mabs even made gagging sounds.

_3 minutes later_

Then Jools said," So are you two going out, like officially now?"

Then Dave snogged me. Not anything gross or goose gog making. And said,"We will when Georgia dumps Masimo."

Then he got up and ran out the tent. Everyone stared at the tent flap-door thingy.

Then Mabs said, "Gee, are you really going to dump Mas? I mean he is yummy scrumboes and scrummy yumboes personified!"

"Yeah, I think so. I mean I think I really love Dave."

All the ace gang ahhed (except the runaways and the sleeping Viking)

"You better KittyKat!!" screamed Dave from somewhere and after that all hell broke loose as Herr Kamer and Miss Wilson ran around the sites looking for The Boy. It was disturbing to see that they both came out the same tent in their jim-jams. ERLACK!! I may have to attend counseling. Mabs said bye and went to her own tent.

_5 minutes later_

Mabs has been kicked out her tent! She as too sleep with us. And all her stuff is in the other tent! Rosie said she could use the beard as a pillow but Mabs just shared Jools' bag. Lezzies. Mabs said really quietly, "They said I was a backstabbing, immature slut and I should go sleep with the rest of them." She will die! She will die! We must get revenge…

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Thanks for reading!! Please review as it is my first fanfic and I wanna know the good, the bad and the ugly. I'll try update soon!

**Ooh jas is rebelling!! Sorry if I didn't get the georgie lingo but I'll improve! Also do you think I made it too deep and detailed for Georgia? Please tell me!**

**Pip pip**

**mel**


	2. non! oui! erlack

_31__st__ July_

_8 am_

Was roused from my peaceful slumber at the crack of dawn by Herr Kamer standing in our tent shouting, "Vakey vakey!! O jah we must pack up_, Mädchen_!"

Erlack!! Tartan jim-jams?! Turned away from the loon and saw Mabs and Jools all snuggly like lezzies except they had a look of utter terror on their _gesichter._

Thenthe tartan clad one spoke again, "Ladies, you vill not believe what Miss. Vilson and I found last night!"

He waited for us to ask what? Nearly imploding with excitement, Ro-Ro saw the opportunity," No, Herr Kamer, YOU will not believe what WE saw yesterday! Miss. Wilson in the nudey-pants!! P Green accidentally pulled down the shower tent! And we **ALL** saw!! Poor lady…"

Herr blushed a deep shade of red and mumbled, "Yes, poor Miss. Vilson. ANYVAY Miss Vilson and I found a BOY in ze campsite! I took a picture of heem wiv my cellular phone!" then he took out his phone and passed it to me… HAHAHAHA it was a blurry picture of Dave's muddy backside!

"Do you recognize heem?"

"O jah! We found him in the woods yesterday, Herr; he lives in the woods and is very dangerous!!"

The gullible fool's eyes went very big and he said, "I must go varn Miss Vilson…"

When he had left we all packed up laughing and Rosie decided to do a round of the Viking inferno dance to celebrate Dave's narrow escape from the teachers. Unfortunately she was a bit over excited and the tent collapsed. Ah well.

_10 am_

We have been banned from packing away the tent after Rosie and I had a sword fight using the tent poles. Miss Wilson made Jas and Ellen pack ours away. HAHA!! Take that Wild Woman of the Forest!

_12 pm _

Sitting in the coach, watching Herr Kamer and Miss Wilson. They are sitting very close together and Miss Wilson keeps giggling.

_10 minutes later_

ERLACK A PONGOES!! Herr just put his hand on Miss Wilson's leg and squeezed it. I feel dirty and disturbed right now…

_5 minutes later_

Have just remembered something… isn't Herr Kamer married? Doesn't he have a little baby with big glasses? Asked Ro-Ro but she can't remember either. I said to her that if he did Miss Wilson is THE OTHER WOMAN!! We turned around and told the rest of the True Ace Gang.

"Non!"

"Oui!!"

Erlack… I have never imagined Miss Wilson as mistress material. She wears corduroy. Jas and Ellen tutted at us and went on talking about something ludicrous. Like the petrol price or school fees.

_6 minutes later_

Jas got up and walked over to Miss Wilson. What does she think she is doing?!

_2 minutes later_

I don't believe it. As of now I am no longer a friend of Jas. Do you know what she did? (Of course not unless you are psychic or telepathetic or something) She tried to rat out on Dave! But Miss Wilson said Jas had no proof and that she and Herr Kamer will look into it. Botty kisser! Trying to get my almost official boyfriend in trouble. Rosie was quite literally stunned into silence.

_Stalag 14 (finally)_

Still cannot believe Jas.

_Home_

Dave left me flowers! Told Mutti that they were from Cousin James. There was a little card with a picture of a forest pond scene and inside it said.

_Dear KittyKat,_

_Don't worry about Ellen; there are many-a-PANTS in her wardrobe. We'll figure it out. I dumped Emma. Never eat anything bigger then your head._

_Love you_

_Hornmeister xxxxxxx _

Aaaww!! Except from the Uncle Baldy quote it was SOOO sweet! Mutti was very suspicious over the James/flowers fandango and told me phone him and thank him. Phoned Dave instead.

"Sexy at your service. How may I help you?"

"Dave? It's Gee. Fanx for the flowers they are beyond marvy.'

"Pleasure KittyKat. Have you phoned Masimo yet?"

"eeerr… nooo. But I am going to now."

"Gut gut."

We rambled on for jonks but the nub and gist of it is that I am going to break up with Masimo and I am going to movies with Dave tonight.

_20 minutes later_

Right. Here I go. Its ringing!! ACK! Put the phone down. Come on Georgia! Gird your loins and dump him! Ringing…

"Ciao?"

"Hello gird, it's Georgia." GIRD!! AAAHH!!

"Cara! I am missing you! Can you come to visit me in Italia?"

"No sorry…" Right time to grab the bison by the horns and dump the Italian Stallion.

"Well you see Masimo the truth is I realized that you don't love me and you want to live in Fun City when I want to go to Luurve City and buy a nice apartment type thing and I don't see that happening with you and I so I don't think we should do this anymore because the truth is I love Dave and he loves me and I think your really gorgey and all but I love Dave and want to be his girlfriend. I'm sorry."

There was silence and I thought Masimo didn't understand but then he said," So you love Dave and are breaking up with me and then going out with Dave?"

"Si."

"_Zozzona_"

Wait what?!

Then he hung up on me.

_5 minutes later_

I looked it up. It means slut in Italian. Poo.

_7 pm_

Have gotten ready for the big date though still a bit miz over the slut thing. Went for the natural look (lip gloss -pina colado- , eyeliner, concealer and eye-shadow –smokey eye-). Wore moms Paloma and my hair is curled for maximus bouncibilitus (and to hide lovebite). Am wearing jeans and my lowish black top. And my heels. I am the sex kitty.

_10 minutes later_

Daves here!! Ohmygiddygod he looks beyond fabby and groovy and marvy and yummy scumboes scrummy yumboes! He's also wearing black and he's hair still wet from the shower. When he saw me he went, "Phwoar!!" and 'fell' off the wall. When he got up he snogged me (number 5) grabbed my arm and screamed, "Onwards Christian PANTS!" and 'ran' in slow motion next to me.

_5 minutes later _

Dave's still slow-mo running. It's getting a few looks from some grumpy pensioners. Hahahahaha! Pushed Dave into a bush! He pulled me down with him and snogged me again.

_2 minutes later_

Hahaha! He can't get out of the bush! If you stand about 6 meters away from the bush all you can see is Dave's arms and legs waving around. It's bloody hilarious. There's a small crowd that's gathered to watch him try get out of the bush. I suppose I'm going to have to go pull him out of the bush.

_2 minutes later_

Bloody hell he weighs a lot. He keeps screaming loudly, "No, go on, save yourself!"

_5 minutes later_

Sven and Rosie have arrived. They came out of the forest; Sven is wearing a white cat suit and Rosie has her beard on, Sven ran up to Dave and slung him over his shoulder like a bag of potatoes, then marched off. The crowd is quite literally speechless.

_3 minutes later_

Sven won't put Dave down. Dave has given up trying to free himself and is singing The Sound of Pants with Sven. Ro-Ro and me are just staring at them.

"Did you dump Mas?"

"Yip. For the mad man with twigs in his hair."

"So it's a Gee'n'Dave date tonight then?"

"Yip."

"I don't think Sven can bear to part with Dave. Can we double?"

"Yip."

_At the movie theater_

Dave's still over Sven's shoulder. When I told him he has twigs and leaves in his hair he said, "I know, it makes me feel rugged and manly." The ticket person just stared.

_In some movie_

We snagged the snogging seats. Rosie and Sven are already eating each other. Dave is staring at me.

"Did you speak to Masimo yet?"

"Yeah…"

"And? What did he say? Was he mean? Because if he was I swear to the Big G that I will smash his face in!"

"Well… he called me a slut in Italian."

Dave balled his hands up and even the snoggers stopped to stare at me.

Rosie said, (with her lippy all over her and Sven), "Non!"

"Oui, he did."

Dave said, "Sven we have a handbag to shred when he returns."

Sven looked murderous (even when covered in 'Rosy Red' lippy) and said, "O jah!" then went back to snogging Rosie. Dave seemed to have calmed down and put his arm around me and whispered, "He just can't stand the fact that he can't have you…" and started kissing my neck which made me feel a whole lot better. It was all snogging from then on.

_10 pm_

A slut?! Dave's right he's the bloody useless Italian gay boy! ARGH! Who does he think he is?! I'm never going to sleep when I'm this angry! He will-

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

**haha! sorry bout it not being tip-top in the hilarious front. enjoy and review pls!**


	3. Bloody Hell!

Monday

_Monday_

_1__st__ August_

_8 am_

Argh. Feel HORRIBLE! And have Panda Eyes that is only popular among the very sad (ie Goths and EMOs). Still I must go to school, I must tell the Ace Gang about dumping Masimo. And I must stop Herr Kamer and Miss Wilson from finding out about Dave vis-à-vis the camping fiasco.

_8:40 _

Walked past Jas' gate really quickly and silently like a quick silent thing. Pity since I didn't have any breakfast and she usually has food on her (and no I don't mean she has Midget Gems attached to her skin). Ah well. I must suffer for my love. When I got to school Hawkeye was dressed like a man and was glaring at me. There was nothing she could give me a bad conduct for and this put the bundle of funosity in a bad mood. When I got to her she barked, "Georgia, stop slouching!" unbelievable.

_Assembly_

Slim wore a suit in the alarming shade of metallic fuchsia. Where does she find these suits? Jas and Ellen were forced to sit by us since all the other seats were taken. Ellen's eyes were all red and mousey. _Merde_. Slim began the assembly by telling us how much the fun was had on the camping trip and how we will be having one a term from now on. Double _merde_. She also said that a boy had illegally been on the campsite and they had one suspect. We all turned to shot daggers at Jas. She blushed but still looked at Slim like she was the pope. Then Slim said, "We have brought the suspect in for questioning and all girls that went on the trip are required to come at break to identify whether or not they recognize him."

Oooh Dave should enjoy that. NOT. Ellen went into ditherspaz mode over having to look at Dave again and Rosie turned to look at us. Then we noticed that she had put her glasses on upside-down and had made a faint beard-like stubble using God-knows what. What larks! Hahahahaha!

_Break_

Have to go 'identify' Dave now. Went to the tarts wardrobe. Sitting in the cubicle trying to do my make-up. Really natural. Ooh someone's here… typico, its Wet Lindsey and ADM.

"… yeah, he dumped her. Said she's some huge, immature slut. So now there's no competition. And I've heard she's already got some rebound guy. Disgusting tart. "

OHMYGIDDYGOD!! There talking about me! Oh poo. Felt so miz. They left and I cleaned the mascara streaks and went to the science block.

_Science room_

Dave's sitting on a chair, in between to Hawkeye and Herr Kamer. The two extremes. He is looking bored. Slim told us all to sit and started to call us up alphabetically. Jas is going after me. This is so boring. Each person goes up to Hawkeye and checks Dave out then says, "Nooo…" then smiles at him. He just ignores them. Rosie went up and Dave smiled at her she said, "Not on your Nelly!" then ran out. Ellen just shook her head and started blubbing. Jools and Mabs both said, "No, he wasn't in the camp."

My turn…

God's pajamas. He has seen me. All red and miz.

"Georgia, do you recognize this young man?"

"Err, yes. But not from camping." Dave's got his naughty smile on. But his eyes look worried.

"How do you know him?"

"Umm…" cue beetroot

"Georgia you are required to tell me how you are acquainted with David!"

"He's my boyfriend." Dave smiled at that one. A real Dave the Laughy grin. Awww.

Then I heard"ssssslut" from the back. Of course Wet Lindsay had to come watch. But then all these swots started to go, "I heard Masimo dumped her because she's a slut and this guys the rebound. Tart."

Bloody MARVY I was really blubbing now in front of everyone.

"Sorry but I don't recognize him as the boy from the camp." And ran outside.

"Please excuse me for a moment but I have to go for a waz." I heard Dave go then he was next to me and pulled me into a bear hug.

"Gee,"

Blub blub. Blub blub. It was like a public bed of shame and pain.

"A WAZ, EY?"

I jumped away from Dave. Go away Wet Drip. Leave me and Dave alone.

"No wonder Masimo thinks you're a slut. It hasn't even been a day and you have already fooled some idiot into thinking you would make a decent girlfriend. Hahaha!"

Poo. Poo. Poo. Merde. Dave the Laugh's got that anger face on. Dave the Angry. Haha. Even being near him makes me happier despite the poo factor of the situation.

"I dumped Masimo for Dave because HE HAS A PERSONALITY! Not the other way around. Do you honestly have nothing better to do than follow my boyfriend around?"

"It's my JOB!"

Dave joined in," So I guess it's also your job to spread false rumors?!"

"You better shut-up and go inside and YOU have detention today for cheek so you better cancel all the sad little plans you have with THAT."

Picture the thong! Picture the falsies! PICTURE WET LINDSEY'S GRAVE STONE!!

"Gee, she's not worth it. I'll come over tonight. S'later KittyKat."

_Bathroom_

Got tired wandering school like a lonely clud, while everyone talked about my tartiness, trying to find the ace gang. So sitting in the cubicle.

"Gee? Are you in here?"

What in the name of Rolf Harris' kangaroo is Jas doing here? She is the inspiration behind UNPAL! She should know better than to try talk to me!

"Gee I can see your shoes. And I'm still going to talk to you even if you won't talk to me. I miss you. I'm sorry for calling you a backstabber. I honestly don't know what came over me! I mean I know that it's wrong to date the guys your friends like but obviously you love Dave, and he loves you. I mean just look what he did today to see if you are okay, he ran away from Hawkeye's Inquisition -by the way I'm sorry for trying to rat out on Dave and I said it wasn't him in the campsite- Masimo would NEVER do that for you! Nor would Robbie! Ellen should be over Dave by now. We all knew how much he liked you and not Ellen. I'm sorry Georgia, you aren't a tart and you aren't a slut, you just truly love Dave. And it's horrible what Lindsay has been telling everyone but she's just a bitter cow because she knows that Robbie won't have her and neither will Masimo. And I'm sorry for being so mean to you and Dave. I'm sorry for being such a…a hori-hori-ble friend!!"

God she was blubbing harder than me! Poo! This has been SUCH a _shuissen_ day. Really and truly crap. With knobs. Jas was still blubbing like her dog had died and mumbling, "Sorry, Gee, sorry!" over and over again making me feel like a really mean person. Drat dratty drat! I may be forced to forgive Jas when I said I wouldn't and reported her to UNPAL! But I should do what Baby Jesus would do (ie forgive the rambling one), so I opened the cubicle and gave Jas a hug. She's as mad as a badger but I missed her. That's when I found a sign on her back that said, "Beware of the vole." Bloody hilarious in anyone's books but Jas might take offense so I threw it away without telling her.

_Re_

Everyone is staring at me like I'm a zoo animal. This must be what Dave felt like. Stop staring! Just because Lindsey says I did things and I am a bit red around the eyes and sitting next to former unpal Jas and who's also a bit red and my new boyfriend had to be called in for questioning this morning and I spent most of my break in the piddley-diddly department doesn't mean you can stare at me. Miss Wilson is explaining to Ro-Ro why not getting married is a bad thing, but the mad, stubbley one is writing something and not paying any attention to The Other Woman. Who is not even married.

_1 minute later_

Miss Wilson has stopped explaining obviously realizing no one is listening. She keeps saying, "Girls I have a very interesting announcement!" get on with it lady, tell us already.

"As you all know we had that boy over today to question him about the camping, well, no one recognized him so I suppose we are no closer to the truth and he is innocent. But if anyone knows anything please tell me or Herr Kamer as it is very important." Dave, innocent? PHAHAHAH! Fat chance of anyone having any info about the illegal boy since it was actually Dave. But it's not like he was stealing anything nor having sex with anyone.

At least one good thing happened today, besides Jas and I becoming friends again, Dave is off the hook.

_10 minutes later_

Rosie has passed me a note:

_Gee, _

_Why do you have mouse eyes? Why are you talking to Jas? Do you have amnesia? Why does Jas have mouse eyes? What happened at the Identify block? Everyone's talking about it. Where were you at break? Did Dave the Laugh really try to escape? He would never run away from Hawkeye, not even he is that stupid. And why is Lindsey looking so smug? We want answers NOW!_

_The Viking Bride xxx_

O yes, exactly how Dave must have felt. Rosie and the Gang are all doing the staring campaign against me.

_Rosie I've had a really bad day. Can we discuss this later? Please?!_

_Gee the Laugh xxx_

Rosie is reading my note and shaking her head. Thank you Baby Jesus for such understanding friends.

_Don't ever call yourself that again. And no. we need answers, don't make me get the big guys to take you out!_

The big guys? Has she lost the plot completely? Also I think the Gee the Laugh thing was pretty brillo-pads. But still will not call myself that. Ah well.

_Fine! In a nut shell I have forgiven Jas, Masimo told Lindsey I'm a slut and she told the school, Hawkeye forced me to admit to everyone that I am going out with Dave and then everyone called me a slut and said Dave was a meaningless rebound and then I started crying and Dave said he needed a waz and came after me and then Lindsey followed him and said he was trying to run away and said Masimo should have dumped me long ago and Dave was stupid so I got angry and Lindsey gave me detention for being cheeky and I couldn't find you guys at break so I went to hide in the loos. You happy now?!_

And there it is, my _tres tres_ thrice _tres_ horrible day on paper.

_Crikey. And also blimey. Ace gang meeting at my house after your detention fiasco. _

Just remembered Dave coming around later.

_Can't come, Dave's coming over._

Teehee. It sounds so sophis and mature. Also it reeks of casualosity the way I said it.

_Don't sound so bloody smug. Bring him; he is one of us now. Also don't let Jas open her bag._

O God.

_Detention_

Being forced to do lines:

_I will show respect to the prefects and not be cheeky._

It is torture.

_5:30 pm home_

Finally escaped that hellhole. Have to call Dave and tell him of the new plans. Ringing…

"Sorry but this sex-beast is taken."

"I should hope so. Dave do you always answer like that?"

"Why hello there Georgia, nice to hear from you too. Just couldn't wait could you? I'll be over in less than half an hour. And yes I do."

"What does your grandmother think? And change of plans, we going to Rosie's house."

"She thinks I'm adorable, and you do too. Ok sure I'll meet you there. Love you Gee"

Vati came in to see what I was doing. Very hard to talk to your boyfriend while your Vati is listening.

"Uh… my Vati is here but ditto."

"Gee, don't say ditto, you sound like a chav. And I am the Vati."

"Whatever Dave."

Hung up on him. Vati was looking at me in a looking-at-me way. God I should start charging these starers.

"Who was that?"

"Dave." How dare he ask about my personal phone call!

"Dave? Who is he? And why did you call him? Is he the one sending the flowers?"

"No Vati that was James."

"Don't feed me that crap. James's would never send flowers, was it this Dave fellow?"

"Yes it was now can you please move, I have to go to Rosie's house."

"What ever happened to Masimo? I thought you were going out with him? He won't be happy if he sees flowers some other lad has sent you…"

"No, Vati, I dumped him. Now could you please MOVE?"

"Don't get so bloody cheeky. And you dumped Masimo? I hope you never did it because of the flowers. They maybe romantic but any pansy can send flowers! Don't do anything rash! I hope you never dumped Mas because of some boy you hardly know!" Mas?! What fresh hell!

"Vati me and Dave have been good friends FOREVER!"

"Yes, well, maybe he likes you as more than a friend and that's why he sent the flowers."

"I should hope he likes me since we are going out."

Vati was quite literally shocked. I took this opportunity to escape.

_Rosie's house_

Arrived to find everyone dancing the Viking Inferno around Dave. Sven had found a horn, that he blew into and it made a weird noise, somewhere. When Dave saw me he looked really worried and concerned. Which makes sense. The gang finished their ritual and Rosie stood on a chair and went:

"Tonight we have come together to discuss Georgia's" cue stare-a-thon"bloody crap day."

She then got off the chair and made us all sit in a circle. Dave sat next to me and gave me a peck hello and then held my hand the whole meeting.

_9pm_

We have decided that Masimo is a fule of note and he deserves Wet Lindsey, WL is a drip and there is not much we can do about that except up the staring campaign, Jas apologized to everyone about being such a botty-kisser and mine and Dave's love is above immature and completely untrue rumors (!!). Also Sven and Dave still want to kill Masimo. Rosie is having a nature themed party on Friday to cheer up Jas and extend the olive branch. And 'someone' put badger poo in Jas' bag. And we must help Ellen get over Dave. Me and Dave (Dave and I? Who really gives two short fat flying pigs?) had a fan-bloody-tastic snog-fest. Number 6 and 7 though deffo some virtual number 8. We were snogging against Rosie's wall and it was beyond marvy. Phwoar! Dave did neck kisses again and I couldn't help but doing that moany thing.

Dave smiled and said, "I can see you're feeling better. Glad to see you enjoy my snogs." Then he tried to walk away but like the minx I am I pushed him against the wall and snogged him. Neck kisses, ear snogs and even nib libbling. Then Dave did the moany thing and went jelliod. Hahaha! Guess who is in control now Mr. Laughy Pants.

I said, "Glad to see you enjoy mine."

"Gee, that's not fair I can barely stand!" Haha he was all breathless.

"Now you know how I usually feel."

"Corr you Sex Kitty!"

And then he snogged me.

Though when I got home the olds were waiting for me. That kind of put a damper on my Sex Kitty triumph. Libby ran up to me and said, "Look, Gergie, I make Gordy naaice." God's pajamas, it appears that my darling sister Liberty has completely covered Gordy in foundation.

"Gee, your father and I would like to have a little talk with you!"

Ran to the room and said,"Dumped Masimo, he is not the guy for me. Dating Dave will bring him over tomorrow!"

The olds were shocked. I am doing that a lot lately, surprising and shocking people. Teehee!

Mutti squeaked out, "Ok, that's good."

_10pm_

MY BLOODY FOUNDATION!!

No way in HELL is Libby sleeping with me tonight, I will put my chest (not the breasty kind, though they certainly big enough, the drawer kind) against the door.

* * *

**Ok deffo not hilarous but it adds some interesting aggers to the story, btw got some major plans for this fanfic! :):):)**

**Plus if I made it all Gee'n'Dave fluff you would feel like a goosegog. please review if you read it (which you have if you are reading this) **

**it's a long chappie, 6 pages, and it's not one liners but paragraphs of aggers. so pls pls pls review. i know where you live... well the country anyway!:)**

**also it's very hard to write while my portly vati watches rugby. the afrikaans songs disturb me. and my vati thinks all refs are bias.**

**have to drown out the sounds of OLE (ok what the heck?) with death cab for cutie. Hardly any lyrics i will accidentaly type in. **

**sorry to ramble!**

**Review?**

**Mel**


	4. Put The Bloody Hat On!

Tuesday

_**Tuesday**_

_**8 am**_

What in the name of Jas' gigantibus pant-a-loons have I done? My giddy God I have promised Mutti and Vati a visit from my new (not even a week old) boyfriend. Today. Oh my God Dave is going to kill me. Or I will die of embarrassment. Either way, today is the day I die. This is the kind of thing you do with the boy you have been dating for months. Ok, truth, me and Dave have been snogging for months. But I still don't think he is ready to meet The Elderly Insane. Will just tell Mutti he has footie practice today. Yes. That could work.

_**8.30 am**_

"Mutti, I know I said I would bring Dave round today but he says he has footie practice."

"Oh really?"

"Yes."

"Georgia you haven't seen or spoken to him about it yet." Crap. I forgot about that minor hiccup.

"We will meet him today."

O my God. I hope Dave will forgive me.

_**Stalag 14, break **_

Today has been the same rumor wise but at least one of the Gang is always with me. Though some people are over it. Katie even came up to me and told me how glad she was that me and Masimo broke up and she thinks Dave and I make a good couple which is nice and all, but also why would I care? Ellen is a bit quiet but at least does not has little micey eyes. Told the Gang about the parents-meet-Dave fandango. Jas told me not to worry because 'Dave fits right in with your family.' I'm not sure if that is an insult or a compliment. Octopussy is still acting smug and today came up to me and said, "What a great catch, Georgia, between his fantastic sense of discipline and respect towards our school I could not have imagined a more perfect _boy_ for you. He has the maturity of a 5 year old, just like you!" then slimed off. I restrained myself by staring at her forehead with Jas and Mabs. She went to the tarts wardrobe after that.

_**German**_

This is brilliant! Herr Kamer is in a good mood and has let us have group discussions to improve our conversational German. Ro-Ro immediately called an Ace Gang meeting.

"Gee, something has been bugging me for a while now, _fraulein_, we all knew that you liked Dave the Laugh and he liked you (even though you were both too _beknackt_ realize this) but how on Earth did he manage to give you a love bite when you weren't even going out?"

"Well… um. I don't just let any random _bub_ give me a love bite. Me and Dave-"

"- have been _küssend_ behind everyone's backs for ages now. It was like a weird thing that just kept happening. 'Accidentally attached to Dave's mouth' is how Gee would describe them." Thanks Radio Jas. All the Gang looked at me. All starey starey like starey things.

"Corr you naughty _kleines Biest_! I always knew you and Dave were up to something, but snogging behind everyone's back? Wowie you guys hid it well," this came from Mabs.

"Even when, you know, me and uhh… Dave. Were, um… you know, yeah?"

"_Ich fürchte ja."_

"Wowzee wow. Gee you will explain everything NOW!"

"Well, you know I used Dave to make Robbie jealous? At the first Stiff Dylans gig in November Dave came up to me and said that he wanted to talk to me and then he told me he couldn't get over me and that he thought he was in love with me," Haha all their mouths were open. "And he was almost crying and then he asked me for one last snog and then I noticed he had a clown nose on and started laughing and then I fell and he helped me up and we snogged. That was the first act of red bottomosity. And he called me and said it won't happen again and we don't need to tell anyone. And we didn't snog again until Rosie's fish party. Then he told me I have to choose between him and Robbie and him and I chose Robbie then Dave dumped Ellen and Robbie went to Kiwi-a-gogo land and I felt relieved. Especially about Dave dumping Ellen because it made me jealous. Then we snogged a few times and he went out with Rachel but we still snogged and I got jealous about Rachel. And then I met Masimo. And Dave dumped Rachel. And we still snogged. And Dave said he thought we were meant to be together. And then he went out with Emma. And I went out with Masimo. Then at the camping trip Dave told me he loved me again. And snogged me. Then he made me think about him and I realized I always loved him. And so I told him and he gave me a love bite and ran into the forest. And on Sunday he sent me flowers. And told me he dumped Emma. Then I dumped Masimo and Masimo called me a slut and now Sven and Dave want fisticuffs at dawn against Masimo."

"So basically Dave said he loved you in November and has been snogging you since then, he then tried to get you to dump Robbie but you wouldn't even though you couldn't stop snogging and thinking about Dave. And then he used some birds to make you jealous but you went out with Masimo and carried on snogging Dave. And then Dave made you think about it and you finally realized the truth?! You have to be the stupidest woman alive. We all knew you loved him, you two get on like a house on fire. Dave must really and truly love you to put up with you."

"Fanks Jas."

The rest of the Gang were speechless. And starey.

"Thanks for telling me Gee," our Lord Sandra it's a bloody miracle, Ellen spoke a full sentence!

"Yeah, it makes sense, you and Dave have like this weird connection, I think because you both insane, but it's like you guys are best friends and don't just snog all the time. Like you have been going out for ages." This came from Jools.

Rosie hit me over the head and said, "You are a fule of note, Gee. I was ready to shove Dave on you."

"Well that's the story."

"Scheiße! Gee I am beyond surprised. Wowee wow wow." That came from Mabs.

Then the bell rang.

_**Outside Stalag 14**_

Walked outside to break the news to Dave. He was waiting outside with Tom, Rollo, Sven and Dec. When Dave saw me he ran up to me and pulled me into the tightest hug imaginable.

"Dave, you're crushing me!!"

But he wasn't listening, he was screaming, "At last I have found her! SHE LIVES!"

Then he snogged me and everyone laughed. Dave seemed to be in a good mood and when he released me we held hands. I decided to tell him about upcoming events.

"Um, Dave would you kill me if I told you my olds are expecting you for tea today?"

Just then WL and ADM came out of school.

"Why hello Georgia and Dave, how sweet. Wonder how Masimo would feel if he saw he's new ex holding hands with _that_ barely two days after he dumped her? A bit sluttish wouldn't you think, Mon? Though I'm sure you two have done way more than hold hands these past two days, wonder what everyone thinks..."

Then ADM went, "Isn't Gee going out with Masimo? I'm confused." Like the astonishly dim person she is. Dave pulled me away from them.

"KittyKat what was that you said earlier? Tea? With your Mutti and Vati? Thanks for the warning."

"They forced it upon me. Sorry Dave."

"No I don't mind. It was going to happen some time or other, I'm just a bit nervous, what if they don't like me?"

"Dave, they all mad. How bad could it be? Besides then at least Vati should stop listening to my phone calls to you."

"Ok that's good then,"

Then he snogged me. Jelliod.

_**Standing outside my house with Dave**_

"It won't be that bad. Right?"

"Right. Dave can we just go inside now? Please?"

"Just give me a minute."

"No, just go inside and get it over with." I opened the door and stopped dead.

"Oh My God! Dave RUN!"

"What?"

"GEORGIA, BRING THE LAD IN ALL READY! WE CAN SEE YOU!!" thanks, Vati, you are always the gentleman.

It was like a scene from one of my nightmares, Vati was smoking a cigar again, Mutti was dressed like a prostitute, Uncle Eddy was there (with a Hawaiian shirt and a blond afro wig on) and so was Grandvati (in his cycling shorts) but where is Libby?

"GINGER!! I bring you and Bad Boy naaaiiice party hats. LOOK!!" she then threw my knickers at me and Dave. Oh My God. She was wearing a pair on her head.

At this point Angus came down with Naomi and Gordy, he then launched himself at me and bit my ankle. Bloody hell in aggers. Libby was looking very angry and had Pantalizer Doll ready in case we didn't put the knickers on.

"FOR CHRISTS SAKE PUT THE BLOODY HAT ON!!"

I slowly put the knickers on my head and Dave copied. We went into the living room and took off the knickers.

"Um… everyone this is Dave. Dave this is Uncle Eddy-"

"HELLO DAVE!!"

"Errr… hi."

"He still in school Georgia?!"

"Yes Uncle Eddy. Dave this is-"

"School doesn't help me in my line of work, more of a burden than blessing." O God, Dave please, please don't ask.

"What would your line of work be then, sir?" NOOOO!!

"I'm a baldy-o-gram." AAAAHHHH!!

"A baldy-o-gram? Sorry but I'm not sure what that is." WHY, BABY JESUS, WHY??

"I take my clothes off for a living." he winked. TAKE ME NOW, LORD SANDRA!! Dave looked like he wanted to burst out laughing. Glad to see he found a fat, bald stripper funny.

"But sir, you're not bald." Uncle Eddy ripped off the wig and his bald head shone like it never had before.

"HAHA!! Would you like to see my act?"

"**NOOO!!****" **that came from me.

"Gee, don't be so bloody rude. Now go get the _vino tinto_, bring Dave a glass too. By the way I'm Connie, Georgia's mother. Nice to meet you."

O God. I had too leave Dave alone with these loons. Libby was wearing all three pairs of my knickers now and had Gordy, wearing my bra, on her lap. She was singing 'Sex bomb!' loudly.

When I got back from the pouring wine fiasco (which took forever, Mutti had not done dishes so we didn't have any clean glasses) Uncle Eddy was beginning his routine. Dave looked petrified. Mutti then said that her, Vati and Uncle Eddy had some ludicrous ABBA karaoke night to attend and Libby was going with Grandvati to visit Masie. Urgh, pensioner-porn. They were already late so they jumped up and turned to leave. THERE IS A GOD! I put down the wine and grabbed Dave while Uncle Baldy sang Dancing Queen out the house.

"God I am so embarrassed."

"Gee, that was the most entertaining family I've ever met, no wonder you're mad."

"Fanx Dave. But your madder."

"No, your madder!" not this again. We all know this would end in a number 6.

"No, Dave, you're madder."

"Gee, you are way madder than me."

"Dave, I can't hold a candle to your madness." We were still standing in the living room which was disturbing since my underwear was littered everywhere. I cleaned my room yesterday so that shouldn't have any whatsits laying around. I started walking up the stairs and Dave followed.

"No, you are quite clearly insane."

"Dave, you are still madder than me." I was sitting on my bed now and Dave was next to me.

"Nope, I don't have a baldy-o-gram as an Uncle."

"That has nothing to do with how mad I am."

"But you still mad."

"Dave, this is stupid, you are-"

He suddenly jumped on me and was snogging me like billo. Blimey'o'Riley's pants he could snog. I went all jelliod and I realized that Dave was snogging me. Which is really stupid because Dave has snogged me before. But my stupid brain kept going OHMYGIDDYGOD GEORGIA DAVE IS SNOGGING YOU! And I felt really happy and all these cheesy fireworks happened and I put my hands under Dave's shirt and kind of ran my hands up and down his back. He went all spazoid. I must have really cold hands. He has such soft skin. He started snogging my neck and my collarbone. Then he sat up all breathless.

"Oh my God Georgia! I think that was the best snog I've ever had in my life!"

Then I pushed Dave down and I snogged him. It was a bloody good snog and Dave put his hands under my shirt and felt my back. It felt really amazing. But I didn't stop snogging him like he had stopped snogging me I just carried on.

_**Half an hour later**_

I'm still snogging Dave. He did nib libbling and also did the moany thing a couple of times. I did the moany thing as well once.

_**10 minutes later**_

Dave rolled us over so that he was on top of me. Didn't stop snogging though. I am so happy just snogging Dave. It's like I've finally bought that apartment in Love City I told Masimo I wanted. And Dave has moved in with me. And we fabbity fabulously rich. And I love Dave and-

"Gee, I love you." Weird he interrupted my little dream with exactly what I had been thinking! How freaky-deaky!

"I love you too, Dave, even though you are completely mad." He laughed and snogged me again. God I am so happy.

_**5 minutes later**_

Dave loves me. And I love Dave. How Jas'n'Tom!!

_**5 minutes later**_

Stopped snogging. There was some number 8 going on and then Angus jumped on us and bit Dave then Dave freaked out and fell off the bed. And Angus just walked out the room! Hahahahahaha!!

_**3 minutes later**_

"Gee, is Lindsey that mean to you in school?"

"Yes."

"What does she say?"

"That I'm a slutty tart and that we make a good couple since we both so immature."

"Nice to have her blessing."

"And she told everyone Masimo dumped me because I'm an immature slut."

"Did they believe her?"

"Well… yes. Everyone's talking about me now." O god I was going to start blubbing AGAIN.

"Gee that's horrible." Blubbing now.

Dave pulled me into his lap and I curled up like one of the toddly folk. Blubbing.

"It'll be fine pet, sshh, just let it all out."

"I-I-I'm ruining your sh-sh-shirt-t."

"Forget the shirt. Just cry it all out."

"But Lindsey… Masimo… Robbie… you… Jas… horrible person!!"

_**15 minutes later**_

Still crying into Dave's shirt and saying things that don't make sense. Dave is handling it very well and it just stoking my hair and letting me cry.

_**10 minutes later**_

Stopped crying.

"Now explain to me what that was about."

Told Dave everything. He listened and then told me I did the right thing etc. when he was done I realized what he said was true. Dave kissed my head and gave me a hug. Then we went in search of snacks.

_**5 minutes later**_

Snogging Dave again. On the couch.

"Thanks Dave, for listening."

"Anytime KittyKat. By the way I think your family might actually like me."

"Uncle Eddy does anyway."

"I got to go, Gee, but I'll see you later."

"okay bye Dave."

Dave gave me a peck goodbye and turned away. Then he turned back and did a number 6. Hehe.

_**9 pm**_

The olds have arrived home, Vati came up to tell me he liked Dave then Libbs climbed an my bed and just conked out. Bloody amazing. What did the pensioners do to her?!

10pm

Wonder what Dave is thinking? Possibly 'I have an insane emotional girlfriend who knows a baldy-o-gram'. Ah well

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz


	5. Come Out Of Ze Closet!

_**Wednesday**_

_**Walking to Stalag 14 with Jas**_

Jas is talking about something sad and suicidally boring. Probably the lack of gigantibus knick-knacks.

"Jas as interesting as this is, I have to tell you about what happened yesterday, when Dave the Laugh came to meet Mutti and Vati!"

"Georgia, there is more to life than your new boyfriend."

"Jas you wouldn't know that since YOU HAVE NO LIFE!"

_**3 minutes later**_

Jas is vair, vair and thrice vair violent.

_**2 minutes later**_

Ouch in bloody aggers. I can barely walk but Fringey doesn't care and is walking away like someone has shoved a stick up her bum-oley, which incidentally they should because she is a prat of the first water.

_**10 minutes later**_

Arrived at school, limping, to be greeted by Hawkeye.

She said, "Georgia you are late, stop being so ridiculous and walk properly! Take two bad conduct marks, one for being late and one for not behaving like a lady." A lady?! If you put Hawkeye next to a man you wouldn't be able to tell the difference! Yet I'm the unladylike person around here?!

_**Assembly**_

Jas won't stand next to me and is standing next to Ellen. Rosie has darkened her stubble. We are next to each other. Miss Stamp is giving us the evils. She is probably jealous of Ro-Ro's beardy whatsit. Slim has decided to enlighten us with stories from the years of her boyhood, where she grew up in an Israeli circus, learning the way of the chin dance. She is also trained in the way of the clown, but the cirus rejected her because she has no sense of humor; which is essential to any clown-type person. Or not, but Rosie and I like that story better. Elvis has an announcement. What larks! Has he decided to do rudey-dudey modeling full-time? Erlack!!

"It has come to my attention that a few girls have been calling me Elvis. I would like to remind you all that my name is Mr. Attwood, not Elvis." Rave on loon, rave on, give Jas a run for her money. Then Hawkeye took over and gave us a lecture on respect. Yadda yadda yadda. Rosie started doing the pretendy-beard stroke thingy whilst watching Hawkeye.

Then she said to me, "Gee, I am filled with respect over Hawkeye, she would make an excellent Viking guard. We could get her a nice Viking Doberman and she could be the wedding bouncer."

"Rosie, she would scare the guests. And she already has a Doberman, I'm sure. I have to tell everyone about the parents-meet-Dave fandango."

She nodded and stroked her beard, "Yes my little petunia."

"Rosie, why did you call me a petunia?"

"I am pretending I am Dave to avert your withdrawals. But I draw the line at snogging you."

"Dave doesn't call me his little petunia."

"But he might!"

"No, he really doesn't…"

"But he might, in his mind!"

There is no arguing with that kind of logic.

"Rosie-"Then Miss Stamp gave bad conduct marks for constant and persistent talking. Fascist.

_**Geoggers**_

Wowzee wow! This is beyond marvy!! We are doing Sven-a-gogo land! Rosie is almost falling off her chair she is so excited! She put up her hand and said to the teacher, "Miss my boyfriend, Sven, is from Sweden! He moved here last year! Perhaps he could come and tell us about Sweden tomorrow?" What fule in their right minds would let Sven into our school?

_**30 seconds later**_

Mrs Geoggers it just so happens. This should be a laugh.

_**20 minutes later**_

Haha! Vikings actually existed in Sweden!

_**Break**_

The Ace Gang all sat in a circle, silent and agog as 5 agog things in an agog shop on agog day. My nub and gist is that they were silent and agog. As agog as 5-SHUTUPBRAIN!

"Georgia stop doing whatever you are doing and tell us what happened!"

"Yes, my little petunia, enlighten us with tales of PANTS."

"Rosie stop pretending you are Dave."

"It is for your own good."

"Rosie-"

"Hush up now and tell us what happened yesterday or I will be forced to bring out the beard, and no one wants that since it's a bit on the pingy-pongoes side as Sven spilt tuna on it." Hush up? Good Lord Sandra.

We all went "Erlack!!" and then I told them about the visit, blubb fest excluded. They were rolling around laughing like loons. Which they are. Big loons. They probably belong to the LOON society. Honorary members infact. With special little – SHUTUP BRAIN!!

"He had to put your knickers on his head?! PHAHAHAHAHAHA!!"

"Uncle Eddy tried to perform his routine? HAHAHAHAHA!"

"You snogged Dave for half an hour on your bed?! You saucy Minx! What number is that?"

"Err, deffo number 8, Mabs. But he did go jelliod, so 81/4?"

"No just 8. Jelliod, you say? Hahaha! Do you know what happens when boys go jelliod?"

"Errr…"

_**5 minutes later**_

O God. I will never be able to look Dave in the eye. Which is a pity because he has such gorgey eyes. But still, the shame a trouser-snake brings to those that have one, pity the fools-eth as Miss Wilson's ex, Billy would say.

_**3 minutes later**_

Emergency Snogging Scale update!!

81/2 - bed snogging (all previous numbers must be done on bed).

Rosie asked what numbers we were all on.

"Well me and Dave, 81/2."

"Georgia! You have only been officially dating for 4 days!! Me and Tom have gotten to 7."

"Yes, Jas, I know that. But we are in Luuurve."

"Are you saying me and Tom aren't in love because we don't just snog all the time?"

"No, Jas, I was simply saying me and Dave are too infatuated with each other to stop snogging."

"Tart.

"Rollo and I have gotten to 81/2 too, so am I a tart now?"

"No, because you have been dating for more than a week."

"But me and Dave have been-"

"Shut up now Jas and Georgia or a severe duffing up may be necessary." Thank you Rosie. NOT!

"7." This came from Mabs.

"Mabs, with Dec?"

"Yeah,"

"Eerrr…6 ¾. From, uh, you know. Me and errr… Dave… um."

"Ellen, we need to find you a boyfriend."

"Rosie, what have you and Sven got up to?"

"9."

"Blimey!"

We then did the disco dancing to relieve some of the pent up snogging energy we had.

_**Science**_

Rosie is dancing with Fatty. Herr Kamer keeps saying, "Yes, Rosemary, _gut_ dancing but please sit ze skeleton done on ze right place now, jah?" then the Viking Bride started singing the Sound of Pants. Me, Jools and Mabs as the back up. Jas kept saying, "Honestly, so immature!"

_**10 minutes later**_

Rosie has kidnapped Fatty!! She ran out of class and Herr Kamer followed, he then came back to tell us R-Ro is hiding in the closet with Fatty and refuses to come out unless we get let out of class early, Herr then ran out the class and we all followed.

_**5 minutes later**_

I think I have split my tights laughing: Herr, in a fit of sheer desperados, is saying, "Rosemary, come out of ze closet, it vil be ok, just come out of ze closet!" over and over again, like a gay-person-psychia-whatnot. Rosie is just doing mad laughing. Uh oh Slim and Hawkeye are coming with Elvis as back-up loon. He has a fire hydrant. Why? Does he think Rosie is going to set Fatty alight?

_**15 minutes later**_

Rosie has been suspended for a day. Apparently she has no respect for Herr Kamer (who does? Besides Miss Wilson, she luurves Herr's hairy, pale, skinny, ginger self… ERLACK!! Get out of my head! I am young and cannot afford these images, the will cost me squillions in therapy!!) and she caused a disruption in class. Rosie just laughed like a loon. That's when we noticed her glasses were skew and her skirt was tucked into her knick-knacks. She is honestly insane.

_**RE**_

Miss Wilson is wearing what looks like a sack dyed sunshine-yellow. She has matching shoes. It is very hard to 'respect' someone who dresses like a sack of potatoes. which is what she is talking about today. Respect. Bloody hell it seems like all the Elderly can think of today, their bloody 'respect'. Well, Miss Wilson, please 'respect' my aversion to sack-dresses and bloody teacher-luurve and 'respect' the fact that I don't listen in any of your classes since you take dithering to a new level!!

_**5 minutes later**_

I wonder where all the anger came from? Is this the withdrawal thingy that Ro-Ro warned me about earlier? Am I angry because of not seeing my be-trothed in a while?

_**2 minutes later**_

Nah, it's because of the criminally naff outfit.

_**After school**_

Walking home with the Ace Gang, we are interrogating Ellen, trying to see who she likes other than Dave. It's a bloody mission.

"So Ellen is there no one you got your eye on?"

"Err… you know, yeah, or, uhh, not!"

"So you do like someone?"

"Um… well… erm.. you know."

"You do or you don't?"

"I… errrr"

_**15 minutes later**_

Ellen likes this bloke on her bus. We call him BusBoy. But she is too nervy to talk to him. So me and Ellen are going to talk to him tomorrow. Because Ellen cannot be trusted alone. She may stutter him to death. We are going to be abso-bloody-lutely glowing with sexiosity and casualosity. In a natural way. We will apply make up in RE.

_**Home**_

Libby greeted me with a yet another pair of my knickers on her head and lipstick all over her. No not only on her face.

"Gee, I LOBE you, snoggy snog snoggy mmmm, baby! ROWL!!"

Where does she learn this? I suppose I should blame my parents and all there Sofa Porn. It is not good for young, impressionable minds like Libby's.

"You are the sex bomb! Mwa! I lobe you!" what fresh hell?? Tried to get away from Libby and went up to my room. Oh bugger, Angus was having a go with Naomi on my bed! And he is not like other men in the trouser-snake department! No I don't mean he is a transvestite or transsexual or whatever you call in, I mean he paid a visit to the vet and got – bugger this, use your dirty imagination and amuse yourself.

It was Kitty Porn. Erlack! When they saw me Angus hissed and jumped out the window. Naomi followed.

_**3 minutes later**_

I think I am going to lock up my knickers, Gordy just walked in wearing yet another pair of my pantaloons.

_**6pm**_

God I am so bored. I think I will do some calming yoga.

_**10 minutes later**_

Fat chance. Just as I started on 'down dog' Vati came in. that is never a good sign. He only does this when he wants to talk about 'feelings'.

"Georgia I want to talk to you about this Dave lad."

"Vati, you are already talking to me about him."

"No I want to discuss him properly."

"Well, then do it."

"I'm trying!"

"Are you nearly finished? Because I was trying to do my yoga."

"Georgia I haven't even started!"

"Well get on with it."

"Don't be so bloody rude, show some respect!" not the respect thing again. Was there some announcement in some newspaper? Teenage Torturers Weekly, perhaps? But I shut up because the only way I would get Vati away would be to let him speak.

_**Half an hour later**_

The nub and gist of it is that Vati likes Dave. He told me that last night.

_**10 pm**_

Libby has brought all of her toys to my bed. There are 10 of them in total. Libby is still covered in lippy.

"Snuggle, bad boy."

"Libby there are too many toys in here too snuggle."

"SNUGGLE"

_**11:30 pm**_

Cannot sleep. Libby snores like a giant slug.

"Mutti I can't sleep, Libby is snoring too loud and taking up all my bed space."

"Well sort it out, Georgia, why you telling me?"

Cheers thanks a lot.


	6. Tu As Ma Salope

Thursday

_**Thursday **_

_**8am**_

In bloody aggers. I have a Charlie Horse shaped bruise on my thigh. It's all Libby's fault. I went down to breakfast and found none. What a surprise. Grabbed a jammy dodger and went to meet my bestey.

_**Jas' house**_

Jas had found a new kind of moss yesterday, she cannot possibly think of anything other than her precious moss. She should see my fridge, there are many mossy type fungus' growing in it.

_**Assembly**_

I had forgotten that Rosie had been suspended. It's so quiet without her and her beardy what sit. I wonder if Sven will still come today. Slim reminded us that they still had no leads in the camping fiasco. _Quell dommage_. Elvis then made the most hilarious announcement in the history of Stalag 14, we are being forced to partake in a fire safety demonstration the loon is giving on Monday. Can you imagine? Elvis leaping around like a loon putting out a non-existent fire? Maybe his back will go out like it did when I told him Jas was on fire, which is incidentally the last time he tried to put out a non-existent fire in public. We then sang the well known hymn: "All PANTS bright and beautiful, all under crackers great and small" but it was not the same without Ro-Ro. Though Slim's chin wobble rated 9 out of 10, a new record for this hymn. _Sacré_ bloody _bleu_! I was surprised not to feel the tremors coming through the floor.

_**French**_

Madame Slack is in a decidedly good mood. Jools will ruin it in a minute though, she spent yesterday on an online French Dictionary, looking up crude words she 'found and didn't recognize when watching a French film'.

"Madame, I found these words when I was watching a French film and didn't recognize them. Please could you translate them? They seem quite common."

"Why yes, it would be a pleasure. It is very good to see you show such a keen interest in French for once. So g- JULIA!!"

Madame Slack is doing uncontrollable shaking. She looks like Herr Kamer when he tried to dance on camp.

Haha my favorite things on her list are:

You are my bitch _(tu as ma salope)_

And

I am the Vati _(je suis le __père _or_ le Vati)_

They remind me of Dave the Laugh. I shall say it to him next time I see him.

_**10 minutes later**_

Madame Slack regained control and has given Jools detention for the rest of the week. She has to clean the tarts' wardrobes. Shame, pity the fool-eth.

_**Geoggers**_

Sven is here! He is dressed in his white cat suit and Viking horns. And is wearing the beard. Which Rosie appears to have washed (Thank the transvestite Lord Sandra). Mrs. Geoggers looks petrified. Sven is standing at the door going, "Birds! O Jah o jah! Chickys! My trousers want to boogie with you, jah!" He seems even madder when Ro-Ro is not around.

_**6 minutes later**_

He is deffo more violent. Mrs. Geoggers has gone to call Slim.

_**20 minutes later**_

All guest speakers have been banned from speaking at our school after Sven broke a desk and a window. He threw the desk out the window. He then started harassing Mrs. Geoggers. He also picked up Mabs and tried to run away from the school, through the non-existent window, when he saw Slim, but Elvis ambushed him and let loose with the fire extinguisher. It was his moment of triumph. There was foam everywhere. Sven was then led off school property and Mabs was forced to go shower.

_**RE**_

Miss Wilson is talking about the Jewish and the Muslim war over the Holy Land. Or something equally boring. We are not listening as Operation Ellen has started, Mabs is under the desk doing Ellen's make-up and I am doing my own, Jools is helping and Jas is keeping watch (over what? Miss Wilson's alarming red sack-dress? Where does she get them? Does she 'recycle' her old potato sacks?). Right foundation, eye shadow (chocolate brown), blusher, eyeliner, mascara, lip gloss (chocolate though why I'm even bothering is a mystery). And brushy hair, brushy hair. Hidey love bite, hidey love bite. Checkey mirror, checkey mirror. Smiley self, smiley self. Lookey good, lookey –SHUT UP BRAINY! Oh dear, it appears as if I have a bad case of stupid brain.

_**Outside Stalag**_

Me and Ellen are subtle gorgey personified. Any boy would be a fule not to fall for us. Unless Ellen opens her mouth. Jas is attempting to get her to say one sentence without stuttering. Good luck, oh Rambly One.

"Ellen say hello."

"Errm… hello?"

"No erm. Just hello."

"Er-Hello."

"Ha-llo"

"Ha-llo."

_**10 minutes later**_

We have discovered Ellen can speak a full sentence if she speaks r-e-a-l-l-y slowly. Which makes her look like a retard. Live and let stutter I say!!

_**10 minutes later at the bus stop**_

We are standing waiting for the bus like mature, sophis KittyKats. Which we are. When Ellen keeps her mouth shut.

_**2 minutes later**_

Ellen nudged me," Gee, you know, like, it's BusBoy!!" and looked at a scrummy boy walking towards us. He looked a bit like Dave, they had the same hair. We had to be subtle now…

"Hey… oh sorry you looked like someone I know from a distance. Have we met before?"

"Erm… I ,err, don't, you know, think so." MY GIDDY GOD HE WAS A MALE ELLEN!

"Oh ok then, I'm Georgia and this is Ellen."

"Errr… Hi."

"Justin, me, name. You know." He blushed.

"What bus you taking?"

"Err… this one."

"Erm, like yeah, me too."

"Yeah I have to-"

"Georgia, you Sex Kitty, what are you doing here?!"

"Dave! Um-"

Dave snogged me a proper number 6 and whispered in my ear, "You have no idea how happy I am that I can snog you in public."

Then he turned around and noticed Justin staring at me like I was having a seizure.

"Oi! Her red bottom belongs to me! She's miney!"

"Dave!!"

"I… wasn't, like, you know, looking at her, err, red, erm, bottom."

Dave did that looking at Justin looking at Ellen thing. Then he shook his head really quickly and looked at me.

"Corr, Georgia, you look gorgeous today. Love the chocolate." And he winked. Cheeky cat. Then he put his arm around my waist and said to Justin, "So who are you?"

"Erm, Justin."

"Are you coming to Rosie's nature party? You should, it's going to be a real laugh."

"Err, Rosie?"

"Yeah. Best friend of these two groovsters?"

"Err,"

"You should go with Ellen; it's going to be the party of the year."

"Erm. Ok."

Dave I love you. You have done the impossible.

"Right I'll leave you two too it."

We walked off and left them to make arrangements. As we walked off we heard:

"So, err, you know, have your number?"

"Err, yeah. You, err, you know, can, like. Not, you know, you can't. because, erm, you can."

"Erm ok."

_Sacre_ bloody _bleu_, they were going to be there for ages.

Dave turned to me and said, "They are a perfect match! Though I never want to attempt to have a conversation with them."

"Whatever you say, my little petunia."

"Petunia? Gee, ANYTHING but petunia."

"Hornmeister then. But if you don't snog me now I may forget how to snog."

Dave did a big dance dip thingy and said, "We wouldn't want that would we?" and snogged me.

_**30 seconds later**_

I don't bloody believe it. He dropped me. Well actually Mark Big Gob walked past and kicked Dave so he fell forward onto me. Oo-er. Thankfully (or not) we landed in a bush. I had twigs all up my bum-oley. And probably flashed my knickers to the world. Mark walked off spluttering his stupid laugh. Dave looked really angry and went after Mark.

_**5 minutes later**_

Mark is lying unconscious on the sidewalk. Dave has what looks like the beginning of a black eye from when Mark tried to fight him back. I'm still lying in the bush like a loon.

_**2 minutes later**_

Dave came to help me out.

He said, "Stupid bloody retard."

And snogged me.

"Sorry bout squishing your nungas."

"It's ok. Wasn't your fault."

"Yeah, still feel bad though. I'll take you for coffee."

"_Tu as ma salope."_

"Gee, are you speaking French, the lingo of luurve to me?"

"_Oui."_

"_Oohlala!"_

"_Oui."_

"And what exactly did you say to me, KittyKat?"

I kissed him really passionately like a French-type person would and said in a heavy French voice, "You are my bitch." And walked off towards Luigi's.

_**5 minutes later**_

Dave finally woke up from the trance and followed me. Well ran after me. It was 'ow you say? Ah_, oui, tres tres amusant_.

"Gee, what was that about?"

"I was being French."

"Oh ok. I had detention yesterday."

"Why?"

"Well it was clearly comic genius but my science teacher didn't think so."

"What did you do?"

"Me and Rollo stole the blodge skeleton and a uni out of lost crap, we then dressed up the skeleton and put it leaning over a Bunsen Burner and a beaker, as if it were looking in the beaker. We put a couple of the strictly _verboten_ chemicals in the beaker, turned on the Bunsen Burner and ran away. It turned out that the beaker exploded and burnt the skeleton's face. Bloody hilarious in any fools mind. But I am now an ostriased leper, banned from science class."

Hahahahahaha!!

_**3 minutes later**_

Was still having a laugh attack when _Masimo_ of all people walked in. Typico, he had to walk in when I was laughing my head off, and not in an attractive way. Why didn't I remember that he was going to be back? Oh, that's right, because he never bothered to tell me.

I didn't realize it was him until he said, "Move. Now. I need to go see my _girlfriend_."

Then Dave got very shirty and said, "Is that anyway to speak to a lady?!"

And Masimo said, "She is not a lady. Not unless you mean a lady of the night."

"Apologize!"

"Non. Make me."

"I will!"

"How you say? Ah, _si_, bring it bitch."

And he stormed past us to go snog Lindsey. Dave was still being Dave the Unlaugh. Dave the Angry infact. He turned to look at me and said, "I have to consult my nose." And he pulled out a big red clown nose. Good Lord, I have _les_ angry clown for a boyfriend.

_**10 minutes later**_

Dave is still wearing the nose. He is quite a, well, laugh actually. I've nearly had the snort-your-drink-through-your nose-like-a-prat thingy twice now. We are not having cappuccinos since Dave said he hates the El Mustachioed effect. Instead we are having hot choccy. It's very yummy scrummboes. Dave had moved his seat so he was next to me. He was in the middle of telling me some story about what he and Rollo did last year, when I just leaned over and snogged him. It was a nice, slow snog and we both had hot mouths from the hot choccy. Marvy if I do say so myself, which I just did because I heard myself.

"Blimey do you too ever stop that?" Jools, Rollo, why hello you two. Interrupting our snog.

"Yeah we do actually."

"Crikey what happened to your eye?"

"Mark."

"Yeah, we saw him on the sidewalk. Nice work, I think you split his lip."

"Good Lord Sandra, it that thing swells anymore he would literally be lip-on-legs."

"Oh my God, is that Masimo eating Wet Lindsey's face?"

"Yip."

"What a prat."

"Yip"

"Did he even say hello?"

"He called me a prozzie and Dave a bitch."

"Bloody idiot."

"Yip."

_**20 minutes later**_

Jools and Rollo have joined us for hot choccy. Dave has got his arm around my shoulders and we've snogged a few times.

"Bloody hell, Dave, can you go five minutes without snogging Georgia?"

"No."

"Dave, please go get me some sugar."

"Will you give me in return?"

"Um… sugar?"

"No, Gee, the correct answer is a snog. I am a slave to your snogs."

"Erlack." That's rich considering she just detached herself from Rollo.

"Shut up, Jools, and please get me the sugar Dave."

"You owe me a snog."

Teehee, slavey boy.

_**10 minutes later**_

Masimo just walked past and said to Dave, "I will see you outside you school tomorrow, ma bitch."

Were does he learn these things? Has he been picking up English from Ali G?

Then Dave said, "For shizzle, homie."

And Masimo looked confused and said, "No not home, you school." And walked off. Then Rollo said, "Is this the distinctive stench of fisticuffs at dawn I smell?"

"_Oui."_

_**Home**_

Dave came over. His eye was really swollen now. I went to go find something cold, no not Libby's botty, ERLACK!! Settled on peas. They were frozen and 3 years past their best before date but Dave wasn't going to eat them, I think. When I got back to my room Dave was lying on my bed, reading men are from mars, woman are from frilly-knicker land. O god.

"Dave I sincerely hope you are not trying to entrance boys."

"No, I am reading purely for researching-il purposes."

"Dave…"

"Are you saying I am gay?"

"You are reading a boy-entrancing book."

"It's research!"

"Whatever Dave."

_**5 minutes later**_

"KittyKat, do you honestly think I am an elastic band?"

"Err… not in the sense that you are made of rubber. Put the book down"

"Why?"

"Just put the book down, please?"

"No."

"_Please_?"

"You are so cute when you beg."

"Dave…"

"Fine."

_**3 minutes later**_

"Are you honestly going to fight Masimo tomorrow?"

"Yes, he called me his bitch. And you a prostitute."

"You already have one black eye…"

"Don't worry Gee, I have a gun."

"You don't."

"I might."

"No, Dave, you don't."

"Aha! But neither does he!!"

I just looked at him.

"I'll bring a hairbrush and threaten to mess up his hair."

"Dave…"

"Georgia, he'll be too busy worrying about getting his precious clothes dirty to fight well, it'll be easy. Besides Sven will want to join in."

He had a point.

_**5 minutes later**_

"What are you going as to the nature party tomorrow?"

"Uh, I don't know. A tree?"

"No, Dave."

"Um caveman?"

"Yes. I shall be cavewoman."

"Brilliant. What do they have to do with nature?"

"Cavemen lived in it."

"Good point. Well made."

_**20 minutes later sitting on the couch**_

Dave is dancing on our coffee table singing along to music. Some CD's he found. They have every kind of music on them! It's bloody hilarious since Dave's dancing is overdramatic interpretive dance. And he adds PANTS were ever he feels necessary.

_**5 minutes later**_

I am back-up disco dancer! Where are the olds?

_**30 seconds later**_

Phone rang

"Gee?"

"Ro-Ro?"

"What is that noise?"

"Dave is singing."

"I see. Me and Sven are bored… can we join?"

"Sven breaks anything you are a dead donut. Deader."

_**10 minutes later**_

By some miracle Rosie and Sven are already here. They barged in and found Dave lying on the table singing some song called 'Tainted Love' or 'Tainted Pants' to me.

"…Take my PANTS and that's not nearly OHHH

Tainted PANTS

Oh ay oh

Tainted PANTS!!

Now I know I've got to

Run away

I've got to

Get away

You don't really want any PANTS from me!"

Very dramatically. Sven just nodded and said, "ANGRY MUSIC NOW!"

_**5 minutes later**_

My Chemical Romance, we have put eyeliner on Sven and Dave (we also gave him another 'black eye', he really looks emo!) and given them hairbrushes to sing into. They look like very scary and angry hairdressers. Me and Rosie are Go-Go dancers in my disco wear. It's brilliant. Dave looks sooo naughty. Sven just looks scary.

_**15 minutes later**_

Mutti and Vati walked in to find Dave and Sven still in emo wear rapping along with N.E.R.D. Dave was standing on the table saying, "All the girls standing in the line for the bathroom!" over and over again when they walked in Sven was doing his version of pimp slapping to the only couch pillow and Me and Rosie were doing the Viking Dance. The furry freaks were sitting on the phone table, staring. Vati went ballistimus.

"What the bloody hell is going on here?!"

"We are singing Vati."

"Why are you on my coffee table?"

"It's for dramatic effect."

Then Eddy came in and tried to do rapping. We all escaped to my room. Except Sven, he was dancing with Mutti.

_**Half an hour later**_

The olds and Sven are still singing. We are all lying in my bed. Well me and Rosie are sitting and Dave is lying on my lap. Stoked his hair. He smiled and closed his eyes. Awww…

_**15 minutes later**_

HAHAHAHA! Dave has passed out, and Rollo is right, he does sleep talk, me and Rosie went silent, careful not to wake the sleeping beauty…

"Georgia…"

Me and Rosie looked at each other. The olds are singing Elvis.

"No! Take my bloody handbag!!"

What fresh hell?!

"Love KittyKat."

Aww…

"Stupid Handbag! I will cut you bitch! You stupid handbag! I have a gun!"

It appears that Dave is fighting with a handbag.

_**10 minutes later**_

"We all live in a yellow pair of pants"

He is mad even when he is asleep.

_**3 minutes later**_

"Why yes, purple is my fave colour."

_**2 minutes later**_

"No you do not look fat in that. Here eat some peanuts."

_**5 minutes later**_

Me and Rosie were having uncontrollable silent laughing fits, but Dave was on my lap and woke up.

"Morning Sunshine!"

"Georgia!! Why did you let me fall asleep? Why didn't you wake me?"

"It was hilarious!!"

"What did I say?"

"Well…"

"You were fighting with a handbag and you live in a yellow pair of pants."

"Is that all I said?"

"You also said that you love Georgia and that I must have some peanuts and that I don't look fat in this, also purple is your favorite colour."

"O God."

"Dave it could have been worse than you telling a handbag you have a gun and you will cut it."

"O God. What is the time?"

"8."

"Crap I have to go. Bye Gee." He gave me a number 6.

"Dave, go wash your face."

"Oh right…"

_**20 minutes later**_

Dave has left. We snogged for a while, long enough for me to go jelliod. Rosie is sleeping over (on a school night!) and Sven has also left. Mutti and Vati are snogging on the couch and Uncle Baldy has passed out on the lawn. Miraculously, Libby has fallen asleep in her own bed. Rosie turned to me and pulled out a permanent marker then she looked at Uncle Eddy.

_**5 minutes later**_

We have drawn a heavily made up female face on the back of Uncle Eddy's head. Above it Rosie wrote, "My feminine side." Teehee…

_**9:30 pm**_

Lying in bed talking with Ro-Ro about fisticuffs at dawn fandango. Rosie has agreed that we cannot stand around doing nothing, we will help Dave and Sven teach Masimo a lesson! We are going to let down the wheels of his vespa!!

_**11 pm**_

I'd forgotten how much Rosie snores……


	7. The Tensionosity

_**Friday  
**__**Judgment Day  
**__**Nature Party Day  
**__**School Day  
**__**Loon Appreciation D**_**- **Shut up Brain, I have a handbag!

_**8am  
**_Woke up with suspected bags akimbo. The kind under you eyes. Not the shopping kind. Though that is not as unlikely as it sounds in _Casa Loon_ (finding shopping bags under your eyes). Which is what Vati, dearest, christened the house last night after he dropped a glass of cheap champagne. _Casa Nicolson_. Honesty. So naff. And also chavvy. _Casa Crap_ is a more fitting name. I am hoping Vati was too drunk to remember. Rosie sleeps like a normal person surprisingly. Minus the Libby-like snoring. And beard. I wonder if Uncle Eddy is still asleep in the garden.

_**2 minutes later  
**_Yes, yes. With his 'feminine side' still on display to the world. I suppose I will have to get up and make brekkie for me and Ro-Ro. She is used to that kind of thing. If I go sneaky sneaky quietly Libby and the Elderly Hungover Loons will not wake up.

_**3 minutes later  
**_Urgh! Have just seen what I look like in the mirror. The bag situation is worse than I suspected. I am like Panda Woman.  
But it won't scrub off. Must find concealer.

_**4 minutes later  
**_That looks a bit better…

_**30 seconds later  
**_Oh wait! Brekkie!!

_**2 minutes later  
**_What in the name of Rosie's beard! Cereal! It's a sign! Of what I am not sure…

_**6 minutes later  
**_Rosie has joined me. Wonder were she got her uniform from? I shall ask.  
"Simple, your wardrobe."  
Ah well sharing is caring. A man who thinks he is a purple dinosaur taught me that.

_**15 minutes later  
**_Oh my God. The olds have broken the coffee table. I think Vati squashed it singing to Mutti last night.

_**1 minute later  
**_Decided to wake the Bald-o-gram up before anyone saw him and reported him for indecent head exposure.  
"Uncle Eddy, go home."  
"Huh?"  
"Home!"  
"Georgia? Is that you?"  
"NOW!"  
"Um ok. Jesus Christ, headache."  
He wondered off down the street. Clearly unaware of his feminine side.

_**Jas' house  
**_Fringey is sitting on her wall with hunky, inspecting a paper bag. What larks.  
"PO! HUNKY!"  
Hahahahaha she got such a surprise she fell off the wall! Tom just stared at us.  
"GEORGIA!"  
"Yes, besty pal?"  
"ARGH!!"  
"Jassy I have news for you."  
"I don't want to hear it."  
"Fine then I'll tell TOM!"  
"Fine!"  
"Fine!"  
"_Tom_ there is fisticuffs after school."  
Tom said, "Err… hi Rosie. And between who?"  
Jas said, "FISTICUFFS? ROSIE?"  
I said, "Yes Jas. Get up and come stare at Rosie. Between Dave and Masimo."  
Jas screamed, "WHAT?? WHEN DID MASIMO GET BACK?? AND WHY ARE THEY FIGHTING?? AND WHY IS ROSIE HERE??"  
I said, all calmy downy Jassy, "Jas, Rosie slept over-"  
Jas screeched, "ON A SCHOOL NIGHT??"  
Thank you captain obvious. You sound like grumpy pensioner.  
I said, "YES! Anyway as I was saying me and Dave saw him at Luigi's yesterday and he called us a bunch of names so Dave and him are having it off outside Foxwoods today."  
Tom said, "Did Dave call the fight?"  
I said, "Yeah. Because Masimo wouldn't apologize to me."  
Tom said, "He's always fighting. Too bloody cocky for his own good."  
I said, "I know! Just yesterday he was fighting with Mark for pushing him in the bush."  
Rosie said, "Dave won obviously."  
I said, "Yeah, but he's got a black eye."  
Jas, finally coming around from the wall with twigs in her hair looking like the twiggy twit she is, said, "Now he's going to fight? Again?"  
"Yes."  
"Oh my God!"

_**3 minutes later  
**_What normal person brings badger poo to show his girlfriend? And what girlfriend is overjoyed by it? Honestly.

_**Assembly  
**_Radio Jas has told all the Ace Gang of the fisticuffs at dawn fiasco. Which means all of Britain should know by break. Slim warbled on about the Great War she participated in (she was the elephantine distraction). I wonder what she is saying:  
"Mr. Attwood… fire demonstration… Madame Slack… respect!"  
Oh ok not the Great War. 'Respect'. O Buddah, are we never to be free?  
The hymn today was 'Onwards Christian PANTS' another mystic sign. It was nice to have Rosie back, we did shoulder disco dancing to brighten the otherwise boring assembly up.

_**German  
**_Oh my favorite German family, the beloved Kochs, they have provided many comedic opportunity to this otherwise pointless and dull language. Herr is particularly dithery today since Rosie is back and she has been looking at him in a threatening manner. He has agreed to let us discuss the Koch way of life amongst ourselves because Rosie asked and threatened to set Sven loose on the school again. Herr Kamer looked terrified and let us discuss the glorious Kochs. This all sounds so rudey dudey. But I love the Kochs anyway and Herr Kamer for being such a useless teacher.

_**1 minute later  
**_Did I just say I love Herr Kamer?? ERLACK!! I think I have the beginning of the Cosmic Horn. Oh my giddy Gods pajamas!! I need to tell the Ace Gang, they must restrain the red bottomositsy from rearing it's ugly head.

_**2 minutes later  
**_"I think I have the Cosmic Horn."  
"O my God Georgia, you have only had the Specific Horn for a week!"  
"I know Jas, that's why I have told everyone this, so they can keep me on the path of righteousness."  
Rosie stoked her imaginary beard and said, "No, no. you are experiencing the withdrawals I warned you about."  
"WHAT??"  
Jas, the ever-helpful, said, "Oooh yes. I had them when me and H- Tom started going out."  
"I saw Dave and Gee yesterday together, deffo withdrawal symptoms."  
"Explain Ro-Ro."  
"Well you see there are two types of withdrawal, the anger and the lovey kind."  
We were all agog.  
"The angry is experienced when you haven't seen you beloved in a while, you get very emotional and irritated because of your pent up snogging energy."  
Miss Wilson's naff dress.  
"The lovey kind is when you just saw your beloved and think life is great and seize the moment etc. It is similar to the Cosmic Horn except you don't want to snog the things you 'fancy'."  
Herr Kamer. Erlack! Snogging image in my brain!!  
"These withdrawals only happen when you are in complete luurve and they only happen when you are not around your beloved. When you are around your beloved you snog and are very happy."  
That explained a lot. Like Jas' huff fights. O God I hope I wasn't going to become a Jas.  
"So do boys get the same withdrawals?"  
"I don't know."  
Jas piped up, "Tom says gets in very bad moods when he doesn't see me for a while."  
We were quite literally stunned into silence at Rosie's wisdom.

_**Break  
**_Still having withdrawals. And I permanently got Dave's face on my brain. And his nib libbling technique. I am starting to get the angry withdrawal symptoms. We tried to do some disco dancing to relieve the energy but it only helped for a millisecond. Ellen is very nervous for tonight's party. Justin is meeting Ellen at the party. Dave is coming over today to help make the costumes. Which reminds me, I still have to steal the bloody fake fur. I think it is in the store room in Miss Wilson's classroom.

_**PE  
**_Miss Stamp is making us practice first aid. This is disgusting. We have to feel the 'injured' person's botty to see if they are bleeding. And stare at their nungas to see if they are breathing. Miss Stamp's mustache is bristling with delight. Pity the fool that has to be paired with P Green, they will be botty checking for ages. ERLACK! Me and Jas are a partners. Which is a plus since she has no nungas.

_**10 minutes later  
**_Why Lord Sandra? Why are we encouraged to perform lesbian acts? This will kill me.

_**RE  
**_I told Miss Wilson that I had to go to the storeroom to get something for Hawkeye. Miss Wilson let me.

_**10 minutes later  
**_I have hidden the fur down my top. It makes my nungas even larger but it is fine, I will put it in my bag when I get to class.

_**5 minutes later  
**_Told Miss Wilson Hawkeye had already gotten what she needed and put the fur in my bag. Only half an hour till the big fight.

_**1 minute later  
**_I should probably put my make-up on for when I see Dave.

_**15 minutes later  
**_All done. Miss Wilson is still prattling on about world peace.

_**Outside Foxwoods  
**_There is already a large crowd. They had formed a circle and in the middle stood Dave and his posse. I went a little jelliod when I saw Dave. He has a black eye and his tie was off. I suppose so Masimo couldn't strangle him. Sven was roaring like a lion when we saw him and Dave was leaning against the wall. Me and the Ace Gang pushed our way into the circle. Dave put his arm around me and gave me a peck on the cheek. The tensionosity. Even the crowd was quiet. Ish.  
"KittyKat, did you get the fur?"  
The crowd all went silent and stared at Dave.  
"Yeah I did."  
"Good good."  
Then Rollo said, "Blimey, look at the size of the crowd. Do you think I could get them to do a decent Mexican wave?"  
"Lets see… OY!! ALL YOU SPECTATORS, I WANT ALL YOU GROOVESTERS TO CROUCH DOWN!"  
A few first formers did.  
"ALL OF YOU, IF YOU WON'T LISTEN THEN BUGGER OFF!!"

_**7 minutes later  
**_Amazingly Dave has managed to get all of the crowd to crouch down.  
"GOOD!! NOW WHEN ROLLO HERE RUNS PAST, YOU JUMP UP AND THEN CROUCH BACK DOWN, OK?"

_**3 minutes later  
**_Rollo has managed to get 7 rounds off the Mexican wave. Oh my Giddy God, I hear Masimo's scooter! The crowd all got up.

_**30 seconds later**_

Masimo arrived on his scooter not wearing a helmet and wearing a pair of sunglasses. He looked a bit like that Portuguese soccer player. Except really angry.  
Dave said, "Oy! Masimo! Over here!"  
And Masimo said, "You should be afraid!" and took off his glasses and his jacket, Wet Lindsey attached herself to him like the wet drip she is.  
Dave smirked and said, "What you going to do? Hit me with your handbag?"  
Then Masimo shrugged WL off and walked towards Dave, Dave gave me a peck and walked up to Masimo while saying, "Oooh! Careful, love, you wouldn't want to mess up your hair!"  
And that's when Masimo hit him.

_**Half an hour later in the hospital  
**_Oh my God, Oh my God, Oh my God.

* * *

**Cliffy!! Don't worry I'll update soon. Pls review! I won't stop writing or anything, because that is sooo mean, but I would really appreciate the feedack. Soooo sorry about the Gee lingo. It's just so hard to write! It's just soo different from South-African slang, observe:**

Gee:"really? how many pairs of knickers are you bringing?  
SA: isit? how many brookies are you taking?

Gee: Crikey.  
SA: yaslike, that's hectic.

Gee: God she's a prat of the first water.  
S.A: KU!!

**I could go on and on. But I won't. FYI ku (aka Kugal from Sandton) a really bitchy, snobby, stuck up, rich girl. Actually like Regina George in Mean Girls, she is like the definition of ku. or Paris Hilton, their role model. Not to be confused with a farmer brown -or just plain farmer- (a person who tries to be cool but fails). To be 'Farmer' would be wearing clear platform heels. Or getting a really bad dye job. Or tryin to be gangsta. Or playing crap music really loudly. That is a farmer. I could ramble on and on. But enough is enough. **

**Just thought I would warn you ahead of any slip ups. I love you all, my little petunias. please review! **

**Pip pip  
Mel**


	8. Oh My God

5 minutes later

_**5 minutes later**_

Dave is sitting next to me, he has his head in his hands and won't talk to anyone. His lip is still bleeding.

_**2 minutes later**_

The doctor just walked in.

"He has 15 stitches on the back of his head, severe concussion and he has fractured his wrist. Now how did this happen again?"

Clearly Dave is not going to answer. He just shook his head.

"He fell off his vespa, he wasn't wearing a helmet."

Lie. Part lie anyway.

_**10 minutes later**_

Dave grabbed my arm and ran out the ER and into the little alley thingy. O my God he looks like he is about to blubb .

"Gee, I thought I KILLED him."

"Dave, he had it coming."

"No, Gee. I thought I was a murderer, Gee, a MURDERER."

"Well you're not."

"I could've killed him, Gee."

"But you never."

"I nearly did."

"But you never. So you are not a murderer."

"I'm so scared, Gee. People are saying I'm a murderer."

"You didn't mean to hurt him like that."

Oh my God. He was blubbing like a girl. Boy's aren't supposed to cry. Even if all their friends think that they are a murderer. What do I do?? I'll do what Dave did to me when I had a blubb fest.

_**5 minutes later**_

Dave has thankfully stopped blubbing.

"What must I do, Gee?"

"Phone Rollo and tell him Masimo is alive."

"Ok." And he pulled out his cell phone.

I guess I should tell you what happened. Well after Masimo hit Dave in the mouth Dave hit Masimo really hard and Masimo fell backwards and hit his head on the bench. Then his head started bleeding from the back and he had passed out. Sven stopped roaring and everyone was silent and they all looked at Dave. Dave bent down and tried to get Masimo to wake up but he wouldn't. Lindsey started crying and I tried that first aid thingy we were taught during PE today, I didn't bother with the botty thingy. Since Masimo had no nungas I couldn't really tell if he was breathing. He wouldn't wake up. Rollo and Tom tried to get the crowd to leave, most of them did. Dave took out his mobile and called an ambulance. No one would talk to Dave except for me. They just stared. When the ambulance arrived they made me and Dave go with them. The whole gang just stared. Then when we got to the hospital they wheeled Masimo away and Dave went into the silent mode.

"Rollo? Yeah, it's Dave."

Oh my God Dave PLEASE don't blubb again!

"Yeah, he's fine. He's got concussion and 15 stitches. And a fractured wrist, from when he hit me, he hit wrong I suppose."

"Yeah, we told them he fell off his vespa."

"Rollo? What are they saying?"

"You do know."

"O God."

"Yeah ok."

He took the phone away from his ear and looked at me. He looked like he was going to blubb again.

"Gee, Rosie wants to talk to you."

"Rosie?"

"Oh my God!! Is Masimo really alive?"

"Yeah,"

"He looked dead."

"I know."

"We coming now, we figured Dave might need some moral support, everyone's saying he killed Masimo."

"Oh my God."

"I'll leave Sven at home, he is banned from the hospital. We'll be there in 10 minutes."

She put the phone down.

Dave looked at me. I didn't know what to do so I just gave him a hug.

_**5 minutes later**_

Still hugging Dave.

"You don't think I'm a horrible psychopath, do you Gee?"

"No, Dave, of course not, you didn't mean to hurt him that bad. It was an accident."

"What if Rollo and the gang think I meant that to happen?"

"Dave, they could never think that, they know you too well."

"Do you think Masimo will ever forgive me?"

"He will. Don't worry Dave it will be ok."

"O God. I am so sorry for crying."

"Dave, I understand. You have every right to cry."

"K. thanks KittyKat. I'm going to go wash up."

"Ok. I'll be in the waiting room."

_**3 minutes later**_

The Gang have arrived.

Rosie said, "Oh My God Georgia, there's blood all over your jersey!"

Oh our living transvestite Lord Sandra… in all the drama I had forgotten about Dave's bleeding lip.

"Yeah, it's from Dave."

Then Tom said, "His lip still bleeding? I think he needs stitches."

Rollo said, "He's petrified of needles, he'd rather bleed to death."

Jools said, "Where is he anyway?"

"Bathroom."

All of the Ace Gang were here. Minus Sven, but he was he in spirit, says Rosie, which is pretty freaky-deaky: a Sven ghost.

Jas was on the phone, "… no Katie, Masimo didn't die… No, Katie, Dave didn't try kill him… No, Katie, Dave isn't in jail... Because it was an accident and Masimo hit him first so technically it was self defense… For God's sake, Katie MASIMO IS ALIVE!"

Radio Jas. She was spreading the news as we speak. I had never known her to get so angry at one of the Un-Ace Gang. I never thought I would see the day when I was grateful for Jas' big gob. Weird…

_**3 minutes later**_

Dave came out from the bathroom. His lip was still bleeding and he was a bit red round the eyes. But not mousey. How do boys do that? Not have mousey eyes after the have cried? I went to go give him another hug. He didn't look anything like Dave the Laugh. Or Dave the Unlaugh or even Dave the Angry. He just looked scared and upset. Oh poo. Poo, poo and thrice poo. With knobs. Masimo killed his laughosity. _Merde_.

_**30 seconds later**_

The Ace Gang all gave him a group hug type thingy and a old lady patted Dave on the shoulder and said, "I'm sorry for your loss." Like someone had died. Dave just nodded and she left.

_**5 minutes later**_

We all still sitting here, not talking. It's all very Un-Ace Gang and very Emo. Dave is sitting and playing with my hand. We just sit and wait. I don't know what we waiting for. I think for Dave. Though what he is waiting for is a bloody mystery.

_**5 minutes later**_

Dr. Gilooney (Clooney) just walked in.

"AH Georgia! My favorite customer! Has your new boyfriend been in a fight? Connie told me about him yesterday when Libby came for shots. I'll stitch him free of charge!"

All the Ace Gang is looking at me now. Dave's gone pale.

"Err… Doctor, I'm just waiting for a friend. I don't need stitches."

"No you do. A cut like that won't just heal by itself. Come on!"

He stood waiting politely for Dave. Dave got up and pulled me with him. The Ace Gang just stared. Like mutes. Or goldfish since all their mouths were open.

_**3 minutes later**_

Dave is squashing both my hands and Dr. Clooney is laughing his head off.

"It's nearly over… you should start getting the feeling back in about 10 minutes, but you won't have full feeling until tomorrow. There we go! 5 stitches on your lower lip. Stay out of fights now."

After today that is a very likely possibility.

"Now, Georgia, is there anything else I can do for you?"

"Yes, actually we would like to go visit our injured friend, Masimo Scarlotti?"

"Ah yes, the lad who fell off his vespa. Sure thing. Come, I'll take you too him now!"

"Neerrr kh-lo-ee-a!"

"Dave, is it?, because of the anesthetic you won't be able to speak properly until tomorrow."

"Come on Dave, lets go see Masimo, our friend who fell off his vespa." I repeated to him like he was a retard. And I pulled him along. I was going to get Old People's Lurgy if I waited in that waiting room any longer for Dave to go apologize to Masimo. And we had the party tonight.

_**10 seconds later**_

What if Masimo is asleep?

"Dr. G, is Mas awake?"

"He woke up about 10 minutes ago."

"Good."

Dave was giving me the evils.

_**5 minutes later**_

Well this is hilarious. Dave is trying to apologize with a numb mouth:

"Err-i-o, ihh ho-ee!"

"Dave? Speak properly. Do not mock me!"

"NEERRRRHH!! Ihh ho-ee!! Hli-hers!"

"I let you in after you try to kill me, I say that I fall off vespa, I have stitches and the boy who makes me do this is mocking me. _Mio Dio, risparmia il fiato._"

Dave is looking very anxious, he grabbed the little notebook and scribbled down something and passed it to Masimo.

"I can not read this."

What fresh hell? Dave has such neat handwriting! Masimo was just being mean now. Dave passed it to me.

"_Masimo because of my stitches I cannot speak, I am sorry."_

"Eh? I have stitches and I can speak."

"_Not on your mouth." _I left out prat.

"If I forgive you will you leave me in peace?"

"_Yes."_

"Fine then. I accept your sorry. Now let Lindsey in."

"She's not here."

"Ey?"

"Bye!"

And we ran.

_**6 pm**_

Home. Finally. Dave seems to be in a better mood. All the Gang were very agog when I told them what had happened. Dave is helping me make the cavemen clothes (Gee and Dave cavemen wore white togas made out of bed sheets and torn pants. And lots of fake fur) What I mean by that is he is lying on my bed writing out an essay. La di la di da da… life is fabby fab fab.

_**3 minutes later**_

With knobs.

_**1 minute later**_

And also groovy and marvy and- shut up brain!!

_**5 minutes later**_

Ah Dave has finished his novel.

_**3 minutes later**_

Apparently Dave likes the togas and misses the ability to speak properly. And he said thank you for being such a good listener during his complete nervy b. and I am a sex kitty of the first water and he would snog me within an inch of my life if he could. Virtual number 6. It is so sad. Not being able to snog your new boyfriend because your ex split his lip. And he is looking forward to watching me get ready because I look gorgey now and things can just get better. Dave's essay was like a love note. Except with gruesome details of how being stitched up felt. Ah well. Togas done now for caveman make-up.

_**20 minutes later**_

Toga fits. Me anyway. I am wearing a white tank top and hot pants under my sheet incase Sven gets over excited and rips off my sheet. Dave is getting changed. I went for the au natural look on the make-up front: dark base, lurker eradicator, dark browny-red lippy (mutti's) and rouge. I am getting very quick at this make-up business. And I am having a very good day orangutan-gene wise. And lurker wise. I wonder if I is because I am a maiden in a healthy, mature (ish), loving relationship? Or is the whole church fandango have a delayed effect?

_**30 seconds later**_

I have decided the fur is for Dave.

_**10 minutes later**_

Dave is in his toga (more like torn khaki pants, because that is what they are, I wasn't letting Dave go out in a dress! And he doesn't have a top. It makes him more… oogah olgah) And he listened to me and didn't do his hair. I went up to him and messed it up more. He looks like an escaped mentally deranged prisoner. Except beat up. And clean.

"Come here, Dave, lets get your beardy whatsit on."

_**5 minutes later**_

I don't believe it. Dave stuck a mono-brow on me. And it won't come off. I should have seen it coming. I was carefully putting on his beardy and he suddenly slapped my forehead.

"Sghori Gee" (sorry Gee in numb-mouth-a-gogo lingo)

Then he started stroking my forehead and that's when I checked the mirror and screamed. A lot. Dave's doing retards laugh (similar to Libby laugh but without the nuddy pants). Bloody MARVY I look like one of those scary Italian women. On the plus side it deffo emphasizes my nose… but I look better without it.

"DAVE!! YOU BLOODY SNAKE IN TROUSERS!!"

I shoved a large piece of fake fur on his chest.

He shoved some fur on my feet (I don't even think the Big G knows how he got to them so fast).

_**10 minutes later**_

We are so furry we give Angus and Naomi competition. When we walked out Uncle Eddy (does he not have a home of his own??) said, "Bloody Hell! What did you do to her Dave? I my day we just snogged them! Mind you, I can see why. You can't get much action with a lip like that. In the o-gram training we learnt some tricks, I could show you sometime! A man's got needs, David, and with a lip like yours, you gotta satisfy them using something else, innit!" ERLACK!! Dave looked like he was going to wet himself. Dragged him out the house. He's laughing his head off now. God I am so embarrassed. Why can't I have a decent family? One that does not offer sex advice to their niece's boyfriend? Why, Lord Sandra, WHY??

"Dave it's not funny!"

"It is!"

"HE HAS SPOKEN! IT IS A GIFT FROM THE GODS!" actually he sounded like he had a spoon in his mouth but at least I could understand him!

"Yeah, though my lip's starting to hurt like billo. Maybe you could kiss it better?"

"Dave, I'm sorry but I'm not snogging you if you have stitches."

"We'll come to a compromise."

_**Rosie's house**_

The party is in full swing! There was a bit of a awkward silence when we walked in but then the Ace Gang all cheered. And started a round of the Viking Inferno (Viking dance but with excess head shaking). It was hilarious seeing everyone dressed up like nature: Rollo and Jools were trees, Jas and Tom were quite literally the vole couple, Ellen and Justin (who looked very confused and slightly afraid) were all green (moss? Grass? Who cares?), Mabs and Dec were the god and goddess of nature I think. But Rosie and Sven took the biscuit, they were Adam and Eve. All they wore was fig leaves pasted to their under crackers. And, err, that's it. Mad as badgers I tell you. Dave seemed like his old self and said, "Right, KittyKat, you ready to give them what they came for?"

"Hornmeister, they never came to watch us dance."

"Yes they did, they just can't get enough of you. Just look at the Dame. He looks like he wants to eat you. Anyway IT'S OUR SONG!!"

Which is ridiculous. I had never heard this song before. Oh no I had. It was that really crap song Dave sang to me on the table.

"Tainted PANTS!!"

"Dave, this is not our song. It's about breaking up."

"It's your days of red bottomositsy song. I would have sung it to you if you didn't say what you said by the pond." He raised his eyesbrows.

Well this really is my red bottomositsy song:

"_Sometimes I feel I've got to  
Run away I've got to  
Get away  
From the pain that you drive into the heart of me  
The love we share  
Seems to go nowhere  
And I've lost my light  
For I toss and turn I can't sleep at night_

(chorus)  
Once I ran to you (I ran)  
Now I'll run from you  
This tainted love you've given  
I give you all a boy could give you  
Take my tears and that's not nearly all  
Oh...tainted love  
Tainted love

Now I know I've got to  
Run away I've got to  
Get away  
You don't really want IT any more from me  
To make things right  
You need someone to hold you tight  
And you'LL think love is to pray  
But I'm sorry I don't pray that way

(chorus...)

Don't touch me please  
I cannot stand the way you tease  
I love you though you hurt me so  
Now I'm going to pack my things and go  
Tainted love, tainted love (x2)  
Touch me baby, tainted love (x2)  
Tainted love (x3)"

How depressing. It really makes me feel sorry for Dave. Especially the fact that I can't snog him. I looked at him doing spaz dancing all around me. There was lots of PANTS in the song. A slow song came on and Dave pulled me towards him. We were slow dancing. And not snogging like the other couples. Which shows how muture we are.

_**1 minute later**_

Corr! My lips have already started puckering up! Down lips! Bad bad bad lips!! Wait, I can't snog his lips, but I can snog his neck!! MWAHAHAHA!

_**30 seconds later**_

I stopped dancing with Dave and pulled him outside. Pushed him against the wall. Like a naughty sex kitty.

"Gee, what are you-" hehehehe. He's gone all jelliod. Little sucky kisses. I am clearly a genius.

_**30 seconds later**_

"You were right, Dave, we can come to a compromise."

"Wowzee wow, KittyKat."

And he did that looking at Georgia thingy. But he rolled over so I was against the wall.

_**2 minutes later**_

Still doing the starey thing. It's like deffo virtual EVERYTHING. Phwoar!!

_**30 seconds later**_

Dave just pulled me inside. There was a bit of an angry rock song (for Sven I suppose) and me and Dave just looked at each other.

"Shall we, KittyKat?"

_**5 seconds later**_

Doing back to back air guitar with Dave. Everyone is laughing and clapping.

_**1 minute later**_

When I stood up, laughing like a loon on loon tablets, I saw the Dame looking at me. Will he never accept that he was just a practice thingy for my days as a trainee boy magnet?

"Hey, Georgia, fancy a quick snog in the bushes?"

Has he been reading his 'How to be utterly crap' book again? And who wrote it? Mark Big Gob?

I was about to say that I would rather throw myself under a horse carriage like that Emily person. Except she did for equal rights. I think. Which is stupid because she died anyway. What was her name anyway? Emmeline Pancake? No it's it's… uh. What is this? A history lesson? No, it is me. Saying no to the Dame so SHUT UP BRAIN!!

But I only got as far as, "I would rather… " when Dave took over.

"Is he harassing you KittyKat. Because I'll duff him up if he even tries."

The Dame is obviously scared of Dave as he went pale and slimed off.

"Fanks Dave. People are very scared off you now, you know that. I have les Bad Boy as a boyfriend."

At that point Eve sidled up to us.

"Gee, Dave! I hope you too aren't trying to steal the fake fur thing, it belongs to me and Sven."

Dave stoked his fake beard, "No, Rosie, it was sort off an improvised idea."

"What do you mean?"

"We had a fur fight."

"Good God Georgia, most normal couples just snog. But I see how snogging could be a problem for you and Dave."

What was this? A mock Dave and his inability to snog day? Did Rosie and Uncle Baldy share a telepathic bond? Oh the horror.

"Funny, you and Uncle Eddy said the same thing. You must think alike."

Rosie paled. Teehee. Dave was having a spaz attack.

"Errr… yeah. Um ok. I just came to tell you two that the Truth, Dare, Kiss or Promise is about to start."

_**5 minutes later**_

Ah this is going to be good. Justin is playing. Mwahahaha! Rosie has introduced a new concept to the game… if you don't do the dare you have to use hair remover to remove an eyebrow. We were all scared but Rosie made us all promise to agree.

_**3 minutes later**_

Justin had to snog Ellen! They both went so red. They holding hands now. Which is sweet ish.

_**2 minutes later**_

Jas had to put soil in her knickers. And keep it there for the rest of the party. It's hilarious.

_**2 minutes later**_

Rosie and Sven had to promise not to snog all weekend. They will die. The bottle landed on me…

_**30 seconds later**_

Snogging Rollo. He's a pretty good snogger, but he doesn't have that certain snoggability about him, like Dave. The whole gang is laughing. Minus Jools and Dave. They are shooting daggers at Rosie.

"Phwoar! Nice one Georgia! Now I know how you get Dave to do anything for a snog!"

O my God. O my God. O my God.

"Err… thanks?"

Everyone laughed (minus Jools and Dave). My turn… it landed on Mabs. Truth.

"Um… if you could snog anyone sitting here besides Dec, who would you snog?"

"Errr… Dave."

Wow. At least she looked ashamed.

"But I wouldn't."

_**3 minutes later**_

Tom had to kiss Sven. He took the hair removal cream.

_**10 minutes later**_

Ahahahahahahagag! One eye browed Hunky! Haha!

_**15 minutes later**_

I have been dared to lick the side of Dave's face. Thanks Jools.

_**Half an hour later**_

The game has ended. With 3 people missing eyebrows (Tom, Mabs (for not flashing Rollo) and Jas –for not snogging Justin-). And Jas with soil in her knickers. And Rollo laughing still about our snog. O God.

"Gee, Robbie told me to tell you HAVE to come to the gig tomorrow. He wouldn't tell me why but he threatened to burn my Rambling Kit, and it's the limited edition one, if you didn't come. Please just go."

What? Robbie getting violent? Something is wrong. I'll go but the Ace Gang will have to come with.

_**10 minutes later**_

They have all agreed to come. But we all leaving now. Dave and me walked over to my house to get his clothes. He was being the Unlaugh again.

"Dave what wrong?"

"Nothing, Georgia. Everything is abso-bloody-lutely peachy."

"You called me Georgia."

"It's just that before Rollo started with Jools he had a thing for you. And you both looked like you enjoyed that bloody snog."

"It was NOTHING compared to one of your snogs, Dave. I don't like Rollo that way."

"Yeah, well what if he starts liking you that way again? He's my best friend, Georgia."

"He wouldn't do that to you then Dave. You over re-acting."

"Ok. I guess I'm just a bit jealous that he got to snog you and I never."

"Well, I'll make it up to you sometime."

_**Home**_

The Baldy-o-gram has passed out on the couch. Me and Dave went up to my room.

"GINGER! DAVEY! How was party? Did you SNOG because you LOBE each other?"

"LIBBY!! Go away!"

"MUUUUMMM! Gee is being mean! And Gee and Davey have been SNOGGING!"

"No, Libby, Dave can't snog."

"YES MUM!! SNOGGY SNOG SNOG!"

"No, Libby. You telling pork pies now!"

Honestly I wanted to DIE. Dave must be getting used to it now though.

_**Half an hour later**_

Fur off, in jim jams and Dave's ready to leave.

"Bye Dave, be careful not to look directly into the baldness!"

"I have an idea."

_**15 minutes later**_

As of today Uncle Eddy is no longer bald. Thanks to the miracle of fake fur. His feminine side (yes he still hasn't managed to scrub, wash, polish, or whatever you do to a bald head to get it clean, off) was covered by his new hair, but live and let living be done I say! Me and Dave were wetting ourselves laughing.

_**1 am**_

Rollo liked me? And I snogged him? O my God. What could Robbie want? I wonder if Masimo is ok? God I wish I could snog Dave. I am having serious Dave-Snogs withdrawals. I will never be able to fall a-

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz


	9. But She Ignores It

_**2am**_

Woken up to the sound of my beloved Vati screaming his head off. Do they not understand the concept of let sleeping Georgia's lie? I suppose I will have to go downstairs and shut him up.

_**2 minutes later**_

"OH MY GOD! IT'S A MIRACLE! YOUR CHRONIC BALDNESS HAS HEALED!"

"Don't play the fool Georgia, we all know it was you."

"Fatty, how could you think such a thing?"

"Fatty, ey? You too bloody cheeky! You not too old for a smack!"

Not this again. I am vair vair and THRICE vair tired. I might pay a trip to Boboland and visit my good friend the magical whatsit. He is a g- SHUT UP BRAIN! Why should I? OH MY GOD! I'VE GONE MAD! I AM ARGUING WITH MY BLOODY BRAIN! I MUST SLEEP NOW!!

"I meant to say Vati!"

"Why do you call me that anyway?"

"Daddy is naff."

"Bloody teenagers. But we are not here to discuss what you call me."

Mutti, Bibs, Eddy and Vati were all sitting around the (smashed) coffee table.

"What are we here to discuss?"

"You and Dave covering Ed in fur."

"How do you know it was us?"

"You two are the only people I know that own fake fur."

"Not true! Ro-"

"Georgia, shut up."

Well that's some verbal abuse right there. I should call child line. Or UNPAL. Because Vati is NOT my pal. At all.

"Good. Actually we are here to discuss you and Dave."

Not this again.

"Clearly it is more serious than I thought before. In one week he has practically moved in. And I hear him and Masimo have been fighting-"

"WHAT?! Who told you that?"

Mutti said, "Dr. G phoned earlier to tell you Masimo has been kept over night for observation. And when Dave showed up with a black eye and a stitched up lip it was obvious even to Dr. G."

MARVY fan-BLOODY-marvy!

"Yeah? Couldn't you have told me this in the morning?"

"No. Now, I think it's time I tell you what I wanted to tell you last time. I see now you and Dave are very serious."

_**15 minutes later, hiding in bed.**_

Oh my God, Vati and Mutti gave me THE DAVE AND GEORGIA sex talk. Baldy was there for advice, ERLACK!, and Libby wouldn't go to sleep. I have honestly never been more afraid or embarrassed than I am now. Vati was wearing his sweatpants and Mutti an alarming negligee. I keep having flashbacks… "Dave is a man, Georgia, he has URGES."… "Only been a week,"… "Teenagers like to experiment."… "Just say NO!"… "Condom, Georgia, condom is the key!"… and that's just from Vati. Uncle Eddy actually tried to offer me and Dave advice! For, you know, the deed! ERRRRRLACKKK!! And Mutti says she doesn't mind me having Dave in my room as long as we are responsible. I will never be able to sleep. This makes Uncle Eddy's routine look like Golden Girls. And I have the gig tomorrow. Oh my socks.

_**10am**_

I must have fallen asleep to help me cope. Like Masimo yesterday, when he hit his head, imagine what it would have been like if he was awake. Bloody hell I'm staving. I hope there is food. I look like Panda Woman, except with added eye bags, ones like those ones stoners have. It is vair attractive. NOT! Also my hair looks like a bird has nestled in it. In addition to that the cats have rubbed something pingy pongoes on my. Lovely. I'll get changed and hide le bags. Simply because I cannot look myself in the mirror. I feel the need to fill out an Ugly Home application.

_**20 minutes later**_

Oh my God!! Dave is already here! He's playing with Libby. He looked at me.

"Morning Gee, guess what… I can speak properly!! But I forgot to get the pain killers so I never slept well. Wow you must have slept badly as well, you have heavy eye bags…"

He got up and gave me a kiss on the cheek. Vati gave me a meaningful look.

"Talk about bed head!"

"Fanks, Dave, but not all of us can wake up after a night of partying and look normal."

"No, no. You look gorgey. Just tired."

"Georgia, don't you have the URGE to eat?"

Oh my God Vati!! Why? I had forgotten about that for a minute there. Dave looked like he wanted to laugh. Why? How could he possibly know what I was talking about? Unless…

"Dave what time did you come?"

"Half past nine. I couldn't wait to see you."

"What have you been doing since then?"

"Talking to your Vati, playing with Libby."

Oh my God. He HAD!

"Eat your brekkie, Georgia, and your cousin is coming today. You and Dave can take him with you to that gig tonight, he's sleeping over."

"I don't think he'll like it."

"Nonsense! Take him!"

Oh my God. Oh my God. I ate my cornies in silence. Dave just looked at me.

"Errr… Gee? I was kind of hoping we could go to the park now. Rollo and Jools and Rosie and Sven and Jas and Tom are all going."

"Ok that sounds good."

"I coming Davey."

"No Libbs, sorry but you got to stay."

"Ok Davey. I LOBE you like Ginger."

Wow. She actually listens to Dave. We were all struck dumb. Even brothers Baldy and Beardo. And the Danger to Shipping.

"Do you LOBE Ginger?"

Instead of shutting her up like normal parents they just looked at Dave. Oh Buddah's Bra.

"Yes."

Blushy face!

"Well, Ginger LOBES her Davey. And that's why you always SNOGGLING! Because you only snog the people you lobe."

Toddley logic.

"FOR CHRISTS SAKE DAVID, DON'T BREAK MY GOOD TOYS!!"

Which is ridiculous since all her toys were either food or limbs. Dave stood up.

"Right, Gee, I'll just wait for you to tame the hair, then we'll leave."

"Be back by 1, you have to welcome your cousin!"

Ok, back by 2.

_**20 minutes later**_

Right. No point in make-up, Dave's already seen me without. Tie up monstrous hair? Good plan. I look vair sporty. And perfume. And lil bit of make-up, and I am ready.

2_** hours later, Park**_

Me and Dave are just talking. Like we did before we started going out. Rosie and Sven are not snogging. Instead they are designing various Viking Bridal Gowns. Rollo and Jools are not snogging either. Just sitting watching people and thinking. The rest of them have gone off on a ramble. It is very peaceful. Just sitting under a tree. Dave's stopped talking and is lying on my lap again, I'm playing with his hair. It's like a reflex.

"Don't let me fall asleep this time."

He closed his eyes and smiled like he couldn't stop. I know how he feels, I got the same thing.

"How can I tell if you close your eyes?"

"I'll start talking like a mad man."

"You already do."

"Do not argue with the laws of PANTS."

He looks so gorgey when he is happy like this. It's not a mad happy. More like a happy-with-life happy. The kind that sticks around for more than a day or two. Aww. I think I did that… he did that to me. When I looked up from Dave's face Rollo was looking at us. Which is normal. Nothing out of the ordinary.

_**2 minutes later**_

Right?

_**5 minutes later**_

Jools has just got up and left. Rollo hasn't even noticed yet. He is still looking at Dave and me. Stokey Dave's hair. I'm not going to stare back as that could be interpreted as sticky eyes. And no one wants that. Except for Rollo. Shutupsie brain!! I'll just stare into my gorgeous, funny, sweet, thoughtful, fun _boyfriend's_ face.

_**30 seconds later**_

Dave just open his eyes and we just looking at each other. Corr it gives me the serious horn all this starey business.

_**Who knows how many minutes (or days) later**_

Rollo just sat next to me.

"Dave sleeping then?"

"Errr…"

"Stay away from my PANTS, I have a gun!"

"Yeah. I could never understand how he manages to sleep when he is around someone as gorgeous as you."

"MY PANTS! DO NOT STEAL MY PANTS, EVILDOER!"

Oh NOOOO!! I don't want this! His best friend (my boyfriend) is right here doing pretendy sleeping! And he is going out with Jools! What do I do?

"AHAHAHAHAHA!! Yeah Dave's pretty weird. But that's why I love him…"

"I love kitty cats who wear PANTS."

KittyKat! That's what he calls me! And I wear pants. That was sweet.

"How do you know you love him? You could love someone else and not realize it."

"I just do love him. I'm happy when I'm around him. Just like you happy around Jools. Dave makes me laugh and I can just be myself around him."

"Yeah I'm happy around Jools, but I don't love her. I just like her. And I like someone else. A lot more."

Oh GOD, he can't mean me!! Not me!! Please?!

"Oh ok."

"But she thinks she loves someone else. She doesn't though."

"She might."

"No. She doesn't. I'm sure of it. She can't."

Then he did that looking at me thing. O God!! I pulled Dave's hair a bit.

"DAVE you're AWAKE!"

"Leave what's mine alone."

And he carried on pretendy sleeping. He helped, didn't he? (our friend sarcasm)

"He sleeps like a log."

"Yeah."

_**20 seconds later**_

"I don't know why she likes him instead of me. I think I am a decent guy."

"Errr… ok."

"Do you? Think I'm a decent guy?"

"NOT ON YOUR PANTS!"

"Yeah."

"Nothing repulsive about me?"

"No."

"Anything attractive about me?"

God why was he making it so hard for me?! He's basically forcing me to say I like him or be a prize bitch. Dave wasn't helping, he just lay there. Frowning. He brought it upon himself. I gave him an opportunity to wake up.

"Beware of the PANTS!"

"Err… yeah. You're a fit bloke, nice guy. Shiny coat, glossy nose. I mean glossy coat, shiny nose. The whole petunia. That's why Jools likes you."

"Yeah. I just dunno anymore. I think I'm gonna break things off with Jools. I can't stop thinking about the other girl I like. A lot. Even though I really shouldn't. Like really, really shouldn't. But I can't stop Gee, I really can't help having these feelings for her. Do you have this with Dave?"

"Errr… yeah. A lot. Worse than you because me and Dave can't control ourselves and snogged even when he was dating Emma." O nooo!! I think I said the wrong thing! Awkward center! I tried to bring up Jools and that just made her a dumpee-to-be. And bringing up Dave is not working.

"So you don't mind snogging behind your boyfriends back? And you think you should do what you want, regardless of what people say?"

"NO!! And also yeah, I mean look at what people are saying about me and Dave. But I do! I love Dave!"

"No, you think you do. You also thought you loved Masimo. but you never. Maybe you love someone else. Someone who loves you. And maybe he's sick of trying to stay away from you." He was speaking really softly and slowly. Dave looked like he was about to, ahem, wake up. I don't like Rollo that way! And he was just being mean now, bringing up the Masimo Mistake.

"NO it's different with Dave! I don't have to impress him! I just love HIM! With Masimo I loved his looks, I didn't even know him!!"

"Gee, you know that he loves you… and you love him back. Even if you don't know it yet." he was leaning forward. And speaking even softer. And looking at my lips. NO DON"T SNOG ME! I leant backwards. And pulled Dave's hair REALLY hard.

"OW- er… Rollo?"

"Oh. You're awake.", wow he sounded happy about that. Yes for all you slightly dim people that is called sarcasm.

"Yeah I am."

Woah chilly tensionosity.

"Why you leaning over me?"

"Err… never mind, really don't. Not. I got to go."

He got up and ran. Dave sat up.

"So he doesn't like you then. He loves you. Shit shit shit CRAP. Gee, do you like him?"

"NO Dave, I really that way."

"Well he likes you. A lot. And he is a bloody snake in trousers. He can get you to say anything. Now he's convinced himself he has a chance with you. What was he doing leaning over me?"

"Err… I think he was trying to snog me. To awaken my love for him."

"Oh God, Gee, this is killing me. He is my best friend! And he loves my girlfriend! Oh God!"

"Dave, why didn't you 'wake-up', it could have prevented a lot of this."

"No, he would have tried it later. When I am not around you. Now it's out of his system."

"Um… 'he is sick of trying to stay away from her' presuming he is speaking about himself and me that would me he just decided he's going to be all keen and try to get me to love him. Ie he's just getting started."

"Shit you right. And I've seen him with girls. And around you. He's as charming as hell. Shit shit shit."

"Calm down Dave."

"Right. We have to go meet your cousin. Its two."

_**Home**_

"… and they lobe each other and SNOG!"

Libby. But who is she talking to? Ah that perv in trousers would be Cousin James. I tried to warn Dave about him on the way here but he wasn't listening and just kept saying shit. Which is very un-Dave the Laugh.

"LOOK GINGER DAVEY!! BACK FROM PARK SNOGGING!"

"Libby, dearest, Dave can't snog." Thanks Mutti.

"YES! JAMES THEY SNOG A LOT! SNOGGY SNOG SNOG!"

"Libby, no, they can't snog. And hello you two! Together as usual. I think you would both die if you were apart. That explains why you late. Lost track of time I see? I remember what me and Bob were like. So nice that Georgia has found such a nice boyfriend. Couldn't have asked more than for her to be HAPPY! And look at her, she glows! Remember when she was little like Libby, Bob? Now look at her, all beautiful and with such a nice serious boyfriend."

Mutti has gone all mumish and was doing that when-did-my-little-girl-get-so-big thingy followed by tears, I think she has had some _vino tinto_ with El Beardo and The Lone Baldy. Dave was looking a bit scared, of James or Mutti I will never know. Maybe of Eddy

"MUTTI!"

"Yes, yes. Sorry Georgia. I have to go take Libby to Josh now. You, Dave and James can go talk in your room."

"I LOBE Joshie. And Georgia LOBES Davey. And Davey LOBES Georgia. And they SNOG!! In Geogia's room! SNOGGY snog SNOG! SEX! Yes Uggy say they SEX!"

"LIBBY!"

"That is not true, Liberty Ann Nicolson! Say sorry! You do not tell lies about your sister to people!"

"Sorry. I tell porkies."

Dave was smiling and James was looking at Dave. Like Dave was a god or something. Then he started staring at my nungas. Mutti walked out with Libby screaming, "Go SNOG Ginger in her room, Davey SNOG SNOG! YOU SEX BOMB DAVEY!!"

And that's when Dave saw the coffee table.

"Please, please don't tell me I broke that when I was singing."

"No. Vati broke it. He was trying to copy you and sing to Mutti off the table and it broke."

"HAHAHAHA… Gee, I love your house!"

"Yes. I know."

"I think I'll just move in!"

"Vati's already thinking of charging you rent. He says you hang around here too much."

"You could come to my house, but my olds are seriously annoying."

"I don't mind."

"Good because they expecting you for a brief meeting on Monday. Followed by heavy snogging in my room. My stitches have to be out by then."

"Err… Dr. G phoned. They stay in for a minimum of 10 days."

"O GOD! How will I survive?"

He did dramatic falling on floor withering in 'pain'.

"You lived most your life not snogging, you'll last 8 more days."

"I was never snogged by you then."

James stood there like a perv goosegog.

"GEORGIA! DAVE! Phone! Rosie! I would say she needs lipgloss but she also wants Dave. GET YOUR ARSES DOWN HERE!"

Dave got off the floor and ran to the phone.

"Hello, Hornmeister at your service. I'm sorry but my spaceship has arrived. Here is my bitch."

"Hello Viking. Salutations. We come bringing the gift of PANTS!"

"Holy Gee, you and Dave are both truly bonkers! Glad to here it!"

"What did you phone for?"

"Rollo dumped Jools! Emergency Ace Gang meeting!"

"OH MY GOD! And me and Dave have been tied down."

"Oo-er!"

"FIGURETIVELY!"

"Fine we'll all come to your house. I'll bring Sven as a boy type matey for Dave."

"My cousin James is here."

"I'm still bringing Sven. He has already gotten his lead."

Good God.

"I have something of secrecy to ask you."

"Quoi?"

"Were you and our un-friend having a convo in the park today when Dave was visiting Boboland?"

"_Oui_."

"And did he try snog you?"

"Errr…"

"Georgia. What does Dave think??"

"Um… yeah he's freaking out. Was. Now he is finding a CD for him and Sven."

"Oh God Georgia. Thank God you two never snogged."

And she hung up. Dave did that really crap moonwalk thingy to me. James stared. I think he was making mental notes about how to be like Dave.

"What was that about?"

"Rollo dumped Jools."

Dave stopped the moonwalk thingy and said, "Holy Crap. Gee what did we do?"

"We created a monster. You wouldn't stop pretendy sleepy and I…"

"…was born with a truly magnificent pair of knockers."

"DAVE!"

James stared at my chest with gay abandon. I crossed my arms.

"… and a sparkling sense of humor, extremely caring personality and utterly bonkers."

"Not good enough."

"Sorry Gee."

"Not forgiving you."

"Don't make me beg, you know I will."

I just raised my eyebrows. Dave got down on his knees.

"PLEASE GEORGIA, MY LIFE, MY LIGHT, -" Vati walked in.

"Oh my God, he's not proposing is he James? Does he know it is only one knee?"

"GEORGIA, FORGIVE ME FOR MOCKING YOUR NUNGAS! I LOVE YOU AND I LOVE YOUR MAGNIFICENT NUNGAS! DO NOT TORTURE ME SO! YOU ARE THE IMAGE THAT IS BURNED ON MY BRAIN, THE VERY LIQUID THAT PUMPS IN MY VEINS, YOU ARE THE MY REASON FOR MY OTHERWISE PATHETIC LIFE! DO NOT REJECT ME! I BEG FOR YOUR FORGIVNESS!"

Vati said, "Bloody drama queen. And Georgia your friends are here." And he walked out.

"Dave get off the floor. Yes I forgive you."

"MY HEART IS FILLED WITH HAPPINESS AND IF I COULD I WOULD SNOG YOU WITHIN AN INCH OF YOUR LIFE!"

"OY!!" that came from Vati. "I can't hear the bloody telly! Eddy's coming in a minute, he had to go get his comedy wig! And you're making a bloody racket! Can you go declare your undying love to my daughter somewhere else!?"

Dave got up off the floor and wrapped me in his arms. Which was nice.

"Nice speech. I feel spethol now."

"I am very poetic and deep, Gee, that is what most people forget."

The Gang walked in.

"We could hear your speech from two houses away."

"I know."

"Bloody idiot."

"I can't help that I am all luurved up."

"Bloody idiot."

James just lurked like a lurker.

"Oy, you, get us drinks!"

Amazingly he listen to Dave. He is Dave's slavey boy.

"Lets go up to my room."

_**2 minutes later**_

Dave won't let go of me. We are doing sidey ways walking up the stairs.

"Dave, let go."

"NO! I refuse!!"

Jools just glared at me. She is looking very mousey. Poo.

_**6 minutes later**_

James has returned with milky pops. Sven and Dave have gone to do something. James followed. He does not know what he is getting himself into. Jools is refusing to go to the gig. Jas is staring at me.

"Gee, come with me to go make snacks."

The Ace Gang all looked eagerly towards me. Clearly they have no idea that the closest thing to fruit we have in this house is wine. And the only thing in the fridge is moss.

"Errr.."

"NOW!"

_**30 seconds later**_

"What happened?"

"What, _mon peitite_ pal?"

"I came out of the woods to go pee and I see you and Rollo talking while Dave sleeps after you snog him last night and now he breaks up with Jools because he likes someone else."

"HAHAHA!" I tried the loon-laugh. Jas just glared.

"Georgia if you don't tell me I will show Dave the Hamburger-a-gogo photos."

O God! Jas is deffo more mean and demanding lately.

"Err… let me get Dave. He will help."

"Georgia! Don't try get out of this!"

"DAVE! COME HERE NOW!!"

Dave arrived with my eyeliner everywhere.

"Why is my eyeliner on your face?"

"Me and Sven are EMO rockers."

"And James?"

"Groupie."

"Ah. Jas here wants to know why Rollo was talking to me and what about while you were pretendy sleeping."

"Really? I thought it was _le_ big secret."

"Jas threatened me. And I tell Jas EVERYTHING! She won't tell anyone."

"Me and Rollo were like that. But now…"

"Tell me."

"Rollo is in love with Georgia."

"WHAT!!"

_**5 minutes later**_

Jas is in shock.

"But… Jools… snog… you, Dave… best friend…"

"Yes retard."

She gave me the death stare. Scary potatoes.

"So he said he's sick of trying to stay away from you then tried to snog you so _you_ did wakey up pretend."

"Um… Yeah."

"God Georgia. You and Dave have big problems _vis a vis_ Rollo."

"You think?"

Mutti walked in. she did this big comedic wink to Dave and passed me a note and a red rose.

"Post for you Gee."

She walked put. Dave looked down, "I never sent that."

Jas said, "Oh my God!"

I opened it.

_He doesn't really love you, I do. He's smothering you. Why won't you accept the fact that you love me and not him?_

O God. No one signed it but it was obviously from Rollo. Oh my God… Dave looked at me, "That Rollo's handwriting. He's started his little 'catch the bird' game."

"Oh God Georgia, what have you done?!"

Dave was having a ditherama of his own, "He was my best friend. My best friend, and he's stealing my girlfriend. I don't believe it. I thought we were friends!"

"Dave…"

"Georgia this is all because your red bottom."

"Jas shut up."

_**5 minutes later**_

The Gang all just walked out.

"We got to get ready for the gig, yeah, see you in an hour."

Jas left after I told her to shut up and Dave is reading Rollo's note over and over again. Like it had a hidden meaning. O God.

"Dave go wash your face and get ready."

"Ok. I brought a change of clothes."

"Good."

_**7 pm**_

I'm ready. I am sex kitty personified. Dave actually growled and jumped on me when he was allowed in my room. Tickly Bears! Just then James walked in.

"I'm ready."

I had forgotten that he had to come with us to the gig. How fun. He was dressed like a chav. Joy unbounded. Dave on the other hand… Grrr! His black eye had faded completely and he had his hair in this gorgey Mohawk thingy. It was different to the chav kind and reeked of naughtiness! His lip was really not that badly cut, the stitches were only off to one side and very teeny tiny. Snogging him can't be bad… it's only a small little group of stitches and they were very clean… and he is so yummy.

_**Walking to the gig**_

Snogged Dave. God I missed this. He was kind of surprised but still snogged me senseless. I couldn't even feel the stitches. I went jelliod the second our lips touched. It was marvy. And then amazingly my brain shut up. It didn't wander off into mad land or make stupid comments, it just shut up. And I felt things. Oo-er not those things you naughty minxes! I mean I felt Dave's mouth and his hands on my neck. It was bloody brilliant. We snogged up all the 6s and then we broke apart and did that touching foreheads thingy.

"Phwoar! Georgia, brilliant snogging!! But I thought you weren't gonna snog me when I have stitches…"

"I couldn't resist you. You are beyond sexy. And truthfully, I couldn't even tell you had stitches."

Then we noticed James breathing heavily through his mouth, staring at us and standing really close to us and it ruined the mood completely.

_**Gig**_

It's beyond pumping now. We found the gang and we all did the Viking Inferno! It was brilliant! But after one round Dave pulled me towards the stairwell and snogged the living daylights out of me. I practically melted on the floor. We must have snogged for at least half an hour. It was amazing. Snogging Dave the Laugh. If anyone had told me I'd be snogging him at a gig against a wall in public because we were official and I would dump Masimo and Rollo loved me and I loved Dave and he practically lived at _Casa Crap_ I would laugh in their face. Yet here I am, snogging a laugh. And it's brilliant. God how could I have stayed with Masimo when Dave had snogged me is a bloody mystery. We stopped snogging.

"Oy, missus, mighty fine. I have to go to the restroom now."

"Ok."

I was so jelliod I'm sure that if Dave told me that he bought a monkey and wants me to snog it I would say ok. And then I looked over and saw the most horrific sight, James snogging some random. He snogged worse than Whelk Boy by the looks of it. ERLACK!! Dave kissed my forehead and walked off. I was just leaning against the wall thinking about how great it was to snog Dave when Rollo showed up.

"Gee. How you?"

"Ok."

"How do you find the club?"

"Ok."

"I can make it great. Can I get you a drink?"

"Ok."

"Come along then."

"Ok."

I stayed where I was. I still couldn't stop saying ok! This could be very bad.

"Err, Gee, come."

"O- hold on Rollo, I have to dance."

And I wiggled off. Unfortunately Rollo followed. Jas gave me a look and I gave her a help-me-now look. She grabbed Rosie and they danced over to us.

"GEORGIA, come with me to the tarts wardrobe!"

"OK JAS!"

And I left Rollo to dance with the Viking couple.

_**5 minutes later**_

"What was that about? You should be eschewing him with a firm hand!"

"I know Jas! But I just had a truly brillopads snog with Dave-"

"I thought you wouldn't snog him while he had stitches!"

"I wasn't but I thought I would try because I had serious withdrawal and you can't even tell there are stitches. Who told you that?"

"Dave told Tom."

"Um ok… But anyway Dave had to go to the piddley diddley department and I was all snogged up and kept saying ok. Then Rollo walked up and tried to buy me a drink. But I just started dancing and Rollo followed."

"Just ignore him all night ok?"

"Yeah. Ok."

We walked out. Dave was dancing with Sven and Rosie was doing a furry twist (she was wearing a minidress completely covered in fur, Sven had light-up flags and an American flag shirt, a really naff one with tassels) with Tom. Mabs and Dec were doing a jig type thing.

"Gee, here's that drink I promised you."

Rollo gave me a smile. It was a Colgate smile. He was fit, no denying that, but he didn't have Dave's crinkly smile. He handed me a soda thing. He sort of kept his hand over mine.

"Thanks, Rollo."

I was looking at Dave. He stopped dancing and started coming towards us. Rollo still had his hand over mine. So we were both holding my glass.

"Now, you owe me."

And he gave me another smile. I sort of jerked my hand and may have spilt soda on Jas.

"Oh My God! Sorry Jas!"

Dave put his arm around me and I leaned into him.

"Hey Rollo, heard you dumped Jools."

"Yeah."

And he actually glared at Dave.

"It's getting pretty hot, do you want to step outside, KittyKat?"

"Sure Dave."

"Actually me and Gee were having a drink."

Rollo wasn't letting me and Dave escape.

"Sorry, Rollo, a man's gotta snog."

"Well, Dave, we ARE busy."

"Fine. We'll all have a bloody drink. Jas? Soda?"

"Yes please."

"Dave I just want to discuss something privately with Georgia,"

"But does she want to go? Do you Gee?"

"Um… I really want to dance."

"The lady has spoken." And Dave and I danced off. Leaving Jas and Rollo behind.

_**1 hour later**_

The MC just announced that before the Dylan's come on, both lead singers want to sing a solo song. Lindsey started to play with her hair and looked smug.

"And now, everyone welcome MASIMO!"

The crowd went wild.

"Ciao. This song is for someone. You know who you are." And he looked at me. Lindsey stopped trying to hypnotize him and glared at me. It was like a chain reaction after that. Soon the whole club was watching me and Dave instead of Masimo. The song started and it wasn't any love song. It was COLD HARD BITCH. It was poo. With knobs. I wanted to die. Then Dave being the laugh he is started to do his angry rocker dance thingy and Sven copied. Me and Ro-Ro did our comedic Go-Go dance and all the Gang copied. Masimo got angry then and raised his voice. At the end of the song Masimo went, "Beware of the bitch, don't fall into her trap." And walked off. All the club stared at me. Then the MC introduced Robbie and he came out carrying his guitar. He sat on a stool and looked at me.

"This is for a very special person, I made a mistake and I'm not letting her go." Then he started singing a really slowed down version of Ultraviolet. He made it really slow and romantic and stared at me the whole time. The club all stared at me. I must be a right prat. I got Dave, whose fit, on one arm, Masimo singing about what a bitch I am and Robbie singing how my light is ultraviolet. And Rollo following me around trying to buy me drinks.

Then when Robbie had finished and Rollo got on stage. Jas fell off her chair and the Ace Gang did their goldfish impression. Rollo then moved the chair and gripped the mike. This song started and Rollo started singing. Well hit me with the talent stick, that boy could sing. He had a moody voice. It sounded like that lead singer from that band that Dave and Sven were listening to. My Chemical Romance. Quite sexy. I'm not gonna lie. He sang this song about loving someone when you know that it you not supposed to. It was _tres_ moody and suited Rollo perfectly. When he was finished he mumbled, "God I'm in shit. And just because I happen to be in love" jumped off the stage and ran out the door of the club.

"And that was Rollo! No I'm sorry ladeez he won't be singing on a regular basis, he's only sung once before quite unpredictable. Anyway, without further ado, THE STIFF DYLANS!!"

The crowd went wild.

_**5 minutes later**_

I wonder where James is?

_**2 minutes later**_

Pushing that girl against the wall. Erlack.

_**5 minutes later**_

Me and Dave are leaving. I don't want to think what could happen on the Dylan's break. We left James behind. Dave is being the Unlaugh.

_**30 seconds later**_

"Gee?"

"Yeah Dave?"

"I do love you."

"And I love you."

"I'm sorry that I can't sing."

"Ah it's ok. Your talent lies elsewhere snoggee."

"You know the MC said Rollo only sang once before?"

"Yeah?"

"It was when his father died from cancer. He's really confused and upset about you."

"His father died?"

"Yeah. Last year."

"Oh my God."

So Rollo was the messed up, bloody fit, romantic singer type.

"He wrote that song. The one he sang to you."

Who writes deep, angry, beautiful songs.

"I can't write songs. Or sing."

"Yeah Dave, but we suit each other. like Jas and Tom or Rosie and Sven."

"You got a point there."

"I know."

And we walked in silence.

_**Home**_

"Night Gee."

"Nighty night Dave."

"Oh wait, I can snog you now."

_**15 minutes later**_

Snogging on the couch. There is some number 8 going on. Tres manufique.

_**30 seconds later**_

Angus bit Dave again and Dave fell off the couch. It is Angus' little gamey.

"Don't laugh!"

"PHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!"

_**5 minutes later**_

Snogging Dave again. It's vair vair marvy. With knobs.

_**10 minutes later**_

Now we just lying here. On the couch.

"Gee?"

"Yeah?"

"Why do you love me?"

"You make me laugh. And your mad. And you the best snoggee I've ever come across. And you sweet. And sexyosity personified. And caring and-"

_**2 minutes later**_

Snogging again.

_**30 seconds later**_

"Dave?"

"Yeah?"

"Why do you love me?"

"Cos you funny. And mad, and tip top snogging wise. And caring. And gorgey and you really have the most fantastic nungas."

_**10 minutes later**_

James walked in on me and Dave snogging. Dave got up and said goodbye. Thanks Cousin Perv.

_**Midnight**_

"Gee?"

"Yes James?"

"I liked that club scene."

"I know."

"The singers were brilliant."

"…"

"Do you know them?"

"Yeah…"

"All of them?"

"Yeah…"

"Even Rollo?"

"Yeah…"

"Because everyone said that Masimo and Robbie were both singing to you. I think Rollo was as well."

"Why would you think that?"

"Because he was looking at you the whole night. I think he meant you. Wow Gee."

And for some reason I told him all off my boy problems.

_**Half an hour later**_

"So Dave loves you, Robbie can't get over you and Rollo loved you since forever but never did anything because his best friend and you both love each other."

"Yeah I guess."

"Robbie I feel nothing towards. But Rollo? He lost his girlfriend, who is well fit, is prepared to lose his best friend, and risked all his dignity, his heart and his pride for you. Even though he knows you don't love him. Holy Georgia, I don't know what you should do,"

Bloody useless boy.

_**15 minutes**_

I am a cold heartless bitch. Why can't it just be me and Dave? No Robbie, no Masimo, and no Rollo.

_**3 minutes later**_

No Wet Lindsey either.

_**6 minutes later**_

I will never be able to sleep now.

_**4 minutes later**_

Really. Not happening.

_**1 hour later**_

Sod it. I give up. I know why I can't sleep. It's Rollo's bloody song one verse keeps going through my head. It goes:

_And I know _

_That she knows_

_And it kills me inside_

_That she ignores it_

_And she still stands by his side_

_I seem to in too deep_

_But I love her_

_And it's her that is the reason my heart beats_

_And she loves me _

_Even though she doesn't know that _

_yet…_

It's vair depressing. He looked so sad when he sung it.

_**20 minutes later**_

When your tired and you can't sleep, count sheep!

1;2;3;4;5;6;7;8;9

_**10 minutes later**_

1000; 1001

_**5 minutes later**_

I will become nocturnal!

_**10 minutes later**_

God Rollo. I'm never gonna fall asleep thanks. You sexy, moody, misunderstood, singer-type. I hate you for that.

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

* * *

**I know! It was never part of my plan to make Rollo love Gee! It just happened! I have to re-do my plot again, but I love this chappie. It's vair long and my eyes hurt like billo. I've been busy this past weekend, had a dive course so I thought you deseaved a nice, juicy chapter. I've always had a thing for Rollo. Espessially my Rollo. So he just popped up in my fanfic! And FINIALLY le plot thickens! This was as far as I had thought of the story pre-Rollo so now I have some thing to work with. I hope you enjoyed my chappie! Review! btw I realise now I paired Mabs up wrong, oops. But i think Justin and Ellen go together better than ellen and Dec? right? review? tell me?**

**Luvies  
****Mel  
****xxx (not lezzie)**


	10. Get In There My Son

Sunday

_**Sunday**_

_**11am**_

I feel like I have been hit on head with a hammer. O Godddd…. I must have worse bags than yesterday. I think I will just lie here and spare the world the pain of having to look at me. That is a very good plan.

_**30 seconds later**_

I just rolled over and saw Dave sitting on James' camp bed.

"Happy one week anniversary gorgeous..."

"DAVE! Don't watch me sleep!"

"You watch me!"

"Yeah because you interesting when you sleep!"

"So are you!"

"I don't talk…"

"Yeah but you look so beautiful and-"

Blushy face. Hahaha.

"And?"

"Nevermind. Come eat brekkie."

"No. I am wallowing in my bed of pain and confusionosity."

"Then I will wallow with you." And he climbed in my bed. He's not saying anything. We just lying here.

_**5 minutes later**_

"Dave?"

"Huh? Oh yeah. Gee?"

"I don't know what to do!"

"Eat brekkie?"

Why is food the answer to everything with boys?

"There is no food in this house."

"I'll take you out."

"Um ok."

Then Libby ran into my room with the cats attached to her like little furry whatsits and James being dragged behind her, dressed in my heels, a 'Kiss me, I'm Irish' apron and lots of make-up. Where is the normalosity?

"LOOK JAMESIE bed snogging! Ginger, Davey, come quickly! Uncle Eggy has NAAAICE surprise!"

And she ran out the room. She forgot James.

Dave said, "Holy, what is wrong with you?"

James said, "Liberty is very violent."

And went to wash his face. I will never wear my heels again. James probably has foot-lurkers. Erlack!!

"I guess we have to go see the surprise."

_**10 minutes later**_

I don't bloody believe it. Uncle Baldy has been kicked out of his apartment and needs a place to stay so Vati has invited him to live with us until he finds a new place. He already brought all his stripper gear. As I said to Dave, there is no justice in the world. The olds have all gone out to celebrate. They took Libby with them and James has gone to go meet the girl he was with last night. I am going to go get changed.

_**Half an hour later**_

Snogging Dave on my bed. It's brilliant. I came out of the bathroom and he was sitting on my bed. I sat next to him and he just started snogging me, it was a bit of a soft kiss but it got really passionate and he was soon lying on top of me, snogging the life out of me. There was a lot of lip nibbling and deffo some virtual number 8. I did that moany thing and Dave snogged me harder. He wasn't letting me breath. He lifted his head a couple of times for him to breath but it was never long enough for me to breath. Then I rolled us over and sat up on top of him.

"What a nice anniversary present."

I did this thing were I leaned just above his face but I didn't snog him. He kept leaning up to snog me but I just leaned back a bit so he couldn't reach.

_**3 minutes later**_

Still won't let Dave snog me. He's getting quite annoyed. Teehee. But it is my revenge for him not letting me breath.

_**5 minutes later**_

Dave just rolled us over really quick and started snogging my neck and collar bone. It's beyond marvy. Then he started snogging my mouth again. Number 6.

_**1 minute later**_

6 ½.

_**2 minutes later**_

6 ¾.

_**5 minutes later**_

7.

_**10 minutes later**_

8! That makes it an 8 ½! Dave did the moany thing and Angus did his Bite-Dave game. Dave never fell off the bed. But he leaned off me and looked at me.

_**15 minutes later**_

Oh I get it! He's doing what I did! I will not fall for it. I will lie here like _le_ sex kitty.

_**10 minutes later **_

Dave gave up and snogged me.

_**15 minutes later**_

ERLACK!! JAMES WALKED IN ON US!! Me and Dave got up and ran out of the house. God, in all the snogging I forgot how hungry I am. We are going to Luigi's.

_**Luigi's**_

It turns out the Foxwood lads also have to go to the fire demonstration tomorrow. _Qu'est-ce que ça peut bien faire !_ We all know this will end in disaster. When we arrived at Luigi's Rollo was sitting at a table in the corner, scribbling down something.

"Lyrics. That's his 'creativity book'. He takes it out in class. A lot."

It was a big, sketch book. With a black cover covered in tippex. Rollo was concentrating really hard and had a art pencil in his hand. A waitress walked up to him and he gave her a look so cold I thought her nungas would fall off from frostbite. She walked away really fast and Rollo immediately carried on doing what ever he was up to.

"He doesn't like to be disturbed when he is sketching or writing."

We sat down and the same waitress came and took our order. She looked a bit scared. Dave was in a good mood from snogging and was making me laugh like a loon.

_**10 minutes later**_

Still laughing like a loon. Dave really is a laugh. It turns out he has a brother the same age of Libby and he is also mad. That is why Dave is so good around Libby. Dave was in the middle of telling me a story about when Matt (his brother) brought Dave's Mutti a dead mouse he found when I looked up and saw Rollo looking at us again. O Godddd… I stopped laughing and Dave turned around to see what I was looking at. Rollo didn't even notice. He just stared at me. It was a bit stalker. Clearly Rollo had no idea that staring at people is a bit rudey-dudey. And why should he? I bet no girl's ever complained before. I heard a bunch of girls behind me talking about him…

"God look at those eyes!"

"No, no his whole face!"

"And he's looking this way!"

"EEEEKK!!"

"Hey isn't he that singer from last night?"

"Yeah! Wasn't it Rollo or something?"

"I think so… God he is so… fit."

I looked at Rollo, yeah he was fit. He had black hair. It was always styled the same way, slightly spiked. His face was the opposite of Dave's, Dave had an open, friendly face with a nice little nose and big brown eyes. Dave was handsome in a naughty boy way. Rollo on the other hand had a dangerous face, all his features were sharp. He had high cheekbones and light blue/gray eyes. His face was always very intense. It was a serious handsome face. Like that model errr… Dennis Manzoni I think.

_**5 minutes later**_

Still staring at me. You can't see his eyes, they in shadow. Dave is getting a bit agitated.

"Gee, I think we should go…"

"I haven't eaten yet."

"Oh right. Is he still staring at us?"

"Yeah. It's a bit scary potatoes."

"You have no idea, I think I can get him to stop though,"

Dave turned around like a turny thingy, "OY, ROLLO, I KNOW I'M GORGEOUS BUT, PLEASE, ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!!"

"All done."

"'S NOT YOU, RETARD, 'S GEORGIA!"

"STAY AWAY FROM MY GIRLFRIEND!"

All the giggly girls behind us stared at me and Dave. Rollo was clearly getting tired of screaming so he came and sat by us.

"We gonna get kicked out, Dave. What the hell were you thinking screaming like that?"

"I guess I'll answer your question with a question of my own… why were you staring at Georgia like that?"

"I'm not telling you."

"You have too."

"I won't"

They went on and on for ages. Rave on loons. I picked up Rollo's book and started paging through it. Giddy God it was heavy. There was one sketch of a girl holding a rose. It was in black pencil and the girl was looking straight into the 'camera' (no, dimbo, he didn't draw in a camera, the girl was facing forwards) and Rollo had somehow made it seem as if she was angry, upset and vulnerable all at the same time. Which was weird because her body language and facial expressions stayed neutral. It was something in her eyes. I couldn't look away, it was like sticky-eyes with a drawing. She looked familiar. I realized that Rollo and Dave had both stopped arguing and were looking at me. Dave looked really surprised (he was staring at the sketch) and Rollo just did that starey thing. I looked at the girl one last time and tried to turn the page but Rollo snatched the book out of my hands.

"'s private. My lyrics."

"You draw beautifully. I especially like the one of the girl."

"You do?"

"Yeah."

"It's my favorite too." He was looking at me really carefully. Like he thought I was telling pork pies. Or like I was going to laugh at him.

Dave was looking at Rollo.

"I've never seen your sketches."

"I don't want people to see them."

"Georgia saw them. And I'm supposed to be your best friend."

"You are."

"Then why don't I get to look?"

"Because they private."

"Georgia saw them."

"I know."

Though he was talking to Dave he was still doing the starey thing to me. I was starting to go that attractive shade of beetroot.

"Why can't I see them?"

"They private Dave."

"Yet Georgia gets to see whatever she wants in your bloody book, ey?"

"She can't see my lyrics."

"Oh yes, the precious lyrics."

Rollo ignored Dave and looked me straight in the eye.

"I wrote that song. The one I sang last night."

"Dave said you did."

"I did."

Dave was getting really annoyed at being ignored and said loudly, "Ah yes Rollo's extremely private lyrics. So private that only the whole of Late and Live could listen to them."

All the gigglers giggled.

"That's different."

"Sure, ok then."

"It's the truth!"

"I'm sick of arguing. Gee, tell us about that fire demonstration the very cheerful and fun Elvis is giving. I remember from my clothes horse fiasco that he takes fire safety very seriously, am I right?"

And I told them about the 'Jas is on fire' thing. Dave had his arm around me and Rollo was still staring at us. I'll snog Dave. Just to show him that Dave isn't the only luurved up one in the relationship.

_**2 minutes later**_

Me and Dave were snogging when Rollo cleared his throat.

"Goosegog extraordinaire."

"Sorry, Rollo, some times. You know." I did giggly thing. The gigglers behind us seemed to have shut up since Rollo joined us and were earwigging. Lovely.

"No I don't know. Why can't you two just not snog for more than 5 minutes?"

"Because I love Georgia and Georgia loves me."

"Doesn't mean you have to snog every 5 minutes. I love someone yet I can control myself."

"Well I can't."

"What if I can't?"

"I don't know."

Rollo glared at Dave.

"And another thing Rollo, if we such good friends why did I only find out you love someone last night along with everyone else?"

"Because you would never understand."

And he walked out.

"Drama queen."

"Pretty much."

"Do you know who that drawing was of?"

"No. she looked familiar though."

"You."

"How can you tell?"

"The gigantibus nungas and conk. Also she was in your uni."

"Don't mock my conk!!"

"Sorry Gee, but it is a bit on the generous side…"

"You are very mean."

"I love your conk!"

I glared at him.

"I really do! It has character!"

The waiter ambled over

"Sorry we out of eggs."

Bloody hell I had ordered half an hour ago!! I think she was scared of Rollo!

_**20 minutes later**_

We left Luigi's and went to the park. We just sat there holding hands. I put my head on Dave's shoulder. My body was still attached to my head you loons. I don't mean I broke off my head and put it on Dave's shoulder. That would be weird. And gross.

"Oh my God."

"What?"

"Gee, Rollo's busy in his book again under the tree! It's like his stalking us! But he gets here first! What in the name of PANTS?"

"Lets just go home then, before he sees us."

We were doing sneaky outey quitey when Jas'n'Tom emerged from a ramble in the woods.

"GEE! DAVE!"

Yes hello Jas. And one eye browed Hunky. Nice of you to ruin our escape.

"We almost didn't see you there!"

Rollo was staring at me again. Probably thinking Dave and I are doing tandem stalking. He got up and ambled over.

"Yeah I didn't see you either."

Jas screamed, "ROLLO!!"

God, her and Hunky must have done some truly fantastic snogging to make her this happy. Or found more moss.

"You'll NEVER guess what happened!"

I said politely, "You and Tom got to number 10?"

All the guys looked mighty confuzled and Jas went red.

"NO!!"

"You found an endangered newt?"

"Errr… yeah. How did you guess?"

"I know you to well, mon peite pal."

"What have you and Dave been up to?"

Rollo said, "Snogging."

"No! We went for lunch/brekkie but Rollo scared the waiter and she only told us when he left that they had no eggs left."

"I scared her? What did I do?"

"You scared the pants off of her when she tried to take your order!"

"Right. But I was busy."

"Sure. But me and Gee are celebrating our anniversary!"

Jas said, "You've only been official a week."

"Exactly!!"

"Well me and Tom were just on a ramble. OOOOHHH GEE! I almost forgot to tell you! Ellen's gone official with Justin and one of Tom's friends wants to go out with Jools! He's really fit!" she looked at Rollo but he was doing the stare-at-Georgia thing.

"Errr… that's great. Uncle Eddy moved in. Temporarily."

"Oh my God!"

"I know."

"Well me and Tom are going to my house now to report our newt sighting."

"Yeah me and Dave have to go-"

Rollo said, "Snog."

"No! Help El Baldy move in."

"No. Snog. That's all you two ever do."

"NO ROLLO! We do lots of other things!"

"No you don't."

"Rollo, mate, smile and the world laughs at you!"

"What?"

"Be happy. Or face the wrath of the Laughinator."

And we walked away. Leaving Rollo behind.

"The Laughinator?"

"Yeah!"

"Dave, I thought you were the Vati."

"I am! And Jack the Biscuit! But I am also the Laughinator!"

Then he did this really crap Arnie impersonation and scared a couple pensioners. They gripped their bags really tight and ran to the other side of the road. It really made me laugh.

_**Home**_

Uncle Eddy has taken over. There is his junk EVERYWHERE! Me and Dave ran up to my room. We were just talking again like we did before we were going out. Dave was tralking in a French accent. I don't know why. But he was. And it was a really crap accent.

"I 'ave a _tres tres amusant_ idea, _mon cherie_!"

"_Quoi_?"

"We 'ave to take Uncle Eddy's beloved ABBA wig!"

"Ah, but David, it eez his comedic wig! Ee uses it in heez routine!"

"Exactomondo!"

_**10 minutes later**_

We have the wig. But now we don't know what to do it with it. Dave is wearing and prancing around my room. Boys are truly mad. He is singing the well known national anthem of Dave's Pant's Land, "The Hills are Alive with the Sound of PANTS!". James's has slimed in and is just watching Dave.

_**10 minutes later**_

Dave seems be acting out _McUseless_. But the Pants version. I fear for his sanity. The phone is ringing.

_**30 seconds later**_

I screamed to Vati, "No, no. Do not get up and answer the phone! Rest yourself! I'll just leave my guests and go all the way down stairs!"

"GEORGIA GET THE BLOODY PHONE!"

That's nice. Isn't it?

"Hello?"

"Gee? It's Jas."

"Hi Jas!"

"You've already said hello."

"But I didn't say hello to you. I didn't know who I was saying hello to."

"You still said hello."

"I know."

"Twice. You sound like a retard."

"Jas?"

"Yes?"

"Shut up."

"…"

There were some sucky noises. Please don't tell me Fringey and One Eye-browed Hunky were snogging.

"Jas what are you doing?"

"Shutting up."

She is sooo annoying!

"What did you phone for?"

"To tell you that I think when Rollo sang that song last night, he was singing to you."

She's a bit slow. My extremely dim friend.

"Nooooo! You think so?"

"Yeah!!"

Who can't get sarcasm.

"He wrote that song."

"Really? How do you know?"

"Dave told me. and so did Rollo."

At the mention of his name, Dave screamed out, "Coming, darhling!" and ran towards me in Uncle Baldy's wig and the 'Kiss me, I'm Irish' apron. He grabbed the phone and started singing 'Dancing Queen' to Jas. Angus got a bit over excited and jumped on Dave.

"Gee? What the hell was that?"

"Dave. In a blonde afro wig and an apron. And now Angus is attacking the wig."

"Why?"

"I don't know… I think he is on the turn! I found him reading a boy entrancing book and he has an obsession with my eyeliner!"

"I AM NOT ON THE TURN!!"

"No, I meant why did Angus attack the wig?"

"I don't know!"

"I think your cat has psychological issues, Gee."

Typico. My boyfriend has gone mad and his best friend loves me and all my supposed besty can think about is animals.

"I think so too, Jas. But you didn't phone me to discuss Angus, or Dave."

"Yeah… I was wondering about Rollo-"

Dave started singing again and all the olds joined in.

"DANCING QUEEN! FEEL THE TOUCH OF MY TAMBORINNNNEEE!!"

Tres tres annoying.

"Jas just come over."

"I can't, Tom's here."

"Bring him. And you didn't tell him about Rollo did you?"

"No! I didn't tell him that Rollo is in love with you!"

And then I heard Tom go, "WHAT!!"

"He's in your room isn't he?"

"Um… yeah. Sorry Georgia."

What a idiot of the first water.

"You owe me Midget Gems. 3 packs."

"Sorry. We'll be there in half an hour."

Bloody useless besty. Dave was still being mad. And all the olds were encouraging him. Jas was right, besides him having no gigantibus nungas or conk, he fitted right in.

"DAVE! Why are you wearing an apron?!"

"LIBBY!!"

"No Dave, I think you wore it because you wanted to. Because you are on the turn."

"NO!! I am not on the turn!"

"You could be…"

He snogged me. I went all jelliod.

"Still think I'm on the turn?"

"Nunnngh."

"You see? I am still the Vati."

I was going to say that he is the Vati. But I had jelly for brain.

"Norsh. Dave. Snog!"

And snog he did.

_**20 minutes later**_

Thankfully Dave has taken off the apron but won't take off the wig. He is showing quite a bit of Eddy in him. Wearing wigs and prancing. And a bit of Vati too with his apron and ABBA obsession. This is very bad. He could grow a beardy thing and become a Laugh-o-Gram. O Goddddd…

"Dave, you are showing very Vati/Uncle Eddy qualities."

"I am not!"

I looked pointedly at his wig.

"NO!"

"You are not considering becoming a Laugh-o-Gram are you?"

"No!"

"Or growing a beardy whatsit?"

"NO!"

"Good."

"Gee, you are being very judgmental towards me today."

He did puppy eyes. O God's pajamas he could do them like no one I know. I wanted to give him the entire contents of my purse. Which is not saying much because it is empty. But if it had money in it, I would give it to Dave if he looked at me like that. I felt sooo bad!

"Sorry Dave."

"I am not going to forgive you that easily. You have to say, Dave you are sexy beyond belief and I have no idea how I control myself around you! You are the reason I get out of bed in the morning! I am a slave to you!"

"No."

"You have to. Otherwise I won't forgive you." He was still doing puppy eyes.

"Fine." I said his stupid speechy thing. At the end he looked at me from under his eyelashes.

"Really Gee?"

"Yes."

And then we snogged.

That's when Eddy walked in.

"GET IN THERE MY SON!!"

Me and Dave leaped apart like two leapy things at a leaping contest. Then we turned to stare at Eddy.

"Wow! Dave! Nice work!"

We just stared at El Baldy. He started to dance. A fat, drunk man dancing is very scary. Especially if he is as bald as a coot. Two coots in fact. Thankfully the doorbell rang. Me and Dave bolted for it.

Jas said, "Dave? Why are you wearing a wig?"

"It is the traditional Jack the Biscuit hat."

"Uncle Eddy wears it. Does that mean he is Jack the Biscuit?"

"No."

We let the Vole Couple in and Tom looked like he wanted to run when he saw Eddy. I am not surprised. That much baldness could scare a normal person. But we had already started to go towards my room.

_**20 minutes later**_

We are all sitting on my bed. Jas is feeding me Midget Gems and Hunky is trying to do psychoanalysis on Angus. Angus doesn't like it and keeps trying to bite Tom. Dave is lying on my lap. Which naturally means I am stroking his hair. Jas is staring at us.

"What are you looking at?"

"Just you and Dave." Wow. Really? I never thought of that.

"Why?"

"Because I still can't believe you are in a mature relationship that doesn't involve mind games or stalking."

Dave snorted, "Us? Mature?"

"Well, no. It's just you're both so much more happier. You don't just snog. You talk and, er, be weird! And you have to always be together. It's like you a proper couple. Not just in a silly relationship because it's beneficial to your reputation. But like you both genuinely love each other."

Dave whispered, "I do love Georgia."

"And I do love Dave." I whispered back.

I bent down and gave Dave a little kiss. Just a little one. And he smiled. He was so gorgey when he smiled. I smiled and we did that starey thingy.

"You see!!"

Jas jumped up and ruined mine and Dave's starey thingy.

"What?"

"I feel like a goosegog and you aren't even snogging! Just looking at each other! It's like being around you two makes me a goosegog! And you not even trying to snog!"

"Um… ok."

"Oh my God! Gee you actually have a serious boyfriend! Like one you actually know! And love! It's like me and Tom! Except no rambling and more er, having silly, immature fun! Or like Rosie and Sven! Just no madness!"

Then Tom got into the swing of the point-out-the-obvious convo and came to stand by Jas, "I was thinking the same thing about Dave!"

What are they, telepathetic idiots? Jas came over to me and gave me a hug.

"I am sooo happy for you Gee! No more rack of luurve!"

Dave got up off my lap. "We not getting married Jas!"

"I know! Not yet anyway! But I am just sooo happy that Georgia is happy! And you made her happy! God thank you Dave!"

And she gave Dave a hug.

"Have you been eating those forest mushrooms?"

And she didn't even get angry at Dave! She just looked at us all smiley. She didn't even want me to go out with Dave! She kept saying I was a promiscuous tart! It was quite unnerving.

_**5 minutes later**_

Tom came and sat next to us.

"Tell me bout this Rollo stuff now."

I am so vair vair tired. I'll let Dave do it. I snuggled down onto Dave. For such a built bloke, he was very comfy. He put his arms around me.

"Tell me!"

"Dave you do it."

_**10 minutes later**_

Tom is just pacing. It's vair annoying. I may have to call Nervous Vole People (And Where To Send Them) aka NVPWTST. It is _tres_ annoying when you are trying to snuggle. Yes, I am still snuggled onto Dave. He kissed the top of my head. Uncle Eddy suddenly burst in, "GEORGIA! DAVE! Not snogging for once I see?! Come and say goodbye to your cousin!" and he ran out.

Tom stopped pacing, "He scares me."

"Yeah, mate, he takes some time getting used to. When I first met him he started doing his routine."

"Routine?"

"He's a novelty stripper. A Baldy-o-Gram."

"Oh my God!!"

Now I see how grateful I should be that Dave is as cool as_ le_ cucumber when it comes to my family. Tom was refusing to come out my room. Dave just ran out and started singing 'Dancing Queen' again. All the olds joined in and it was a bit of a kumbaya moment _vis a vis_ Dave and family acceptance. James was all packed and Dave slapped him on the back and said, "May the PANTS be with you." Then he pranced back up to my room.

"James, your spaceship has arrived, please get in it."

And I followed Dave. When I got to my room Jas and Tom were doing tandem psychoanalysis on Angus. I sincerely hope that me and Dave are not like them.

"Have you thought about what we should do viv a vis Rollo?"

"Nah, he's stuffed." Thanks Hunky.

"What do I do though?"

"Ummm… do what you doing now. Be nice in a friendly, I love Dave way. And don't encourage him. Make sure he knows you only like him as a friend. We'll all watch out for you and make sure, well, you know. Rollo's very smooth that way."

That was possibly the best advice I had ever received. I gave Tom a hug. Just as I did Eddy bounded in again.

"Not this one too Georgia! Dave you like this? I wouldn't stand for it! I would give him the old one-two!"

"GO AWAY!!"

"I have post for you."

He gave me a letter and waited.

"Go away now. Don't you have something better to do?"

"KARAOKE! David! I challenge you! Then he stole back his wig and ran out. I opened my letter…

_**3 minutes later**_

Another Rollo letter. It was more lyrics.

_Beautiful_

_Hey beautiful_

_You are the one for me_

_I look at you, you're all I see_

_You're like an addiction to me_

_I just can't look away_

_I think about you every day_

_Though I know it's wrong_

_Its not to me that you belong_

_I can't help it_

_I can't help it_

_Good Lord knows I can't help it_

_Ooooh beautiful_

_Yeah beautiful_

_You're like an addiction to me_

Jas looked at it, "What a weird letter. Its saying the same things over and over again!"

"They are lyrics."

"Oh! I never knew you could write Dave!"

"I never sent that." Our friend Dave the Unlaugh.

Tom looked at Dave, "Its okay."

"No it's not ok! He's my bloody best friend and he sends _this_ to my girlfriend!"

He was waving around the lyrics. Like a mad man possessed. He sat on my bed and put his head in his hands. O poo. I sat next to him and he pulled me into a backwards hug thing. He was squeezing the living daylights out of me!

"Errr… Dave?"

"Sorry Gee." And he loosened up a little. Jas'n'Tom were staring at us.

"Oh my God! He actually IS in love with Georgia! Remember what he told us once? He said that he would only ever show what's in his book to some girl he loved."

"Georgia saw it today. In Luigi's. There were sketches of Gee and everything."

Jas looked at me, "Oh my God!! He draws pictures of you, writes songs about you-"

Dave gave her a look, "Yeah, we know."

"Well… errr can he draw?"

"Yeah Jas. He really can draw." I said.

"Gee, what's the time?"

"Umm… 7pm."

"Me and Tom really have to go. Bye Gee!"

They pranced out. Me and Dave sat on the bed again. Dave (as usual) was lying on my lap. And I was stroking his hair.

"I love it when you do that Gee. It feels amazing."

"Really?"

"Yeah. I just want to pass out."

_**Half an hour later**_

I can't believe me and Dave have been lying here for half an hour! We were talking or snogging or ANYTHING! Just looking in each others eyes. Then Libby came in, "Davey, Ginger, food!" and she threw Tinned Beans at us, or James as she calls it. Bloody hell! I am going to get a bump the size of England on my head. Dave couldn't stop laughing. Libby picked up the beans and skipped out. Ouch buggeration! My head hurts like billio!

_**10 minutes later**_

The 'food' was some burnt toast.

_**10 minutes later**_

Dave has left. He needed food. I wish I could join him. That toast was a bit dodgy.

_**10 pm**_

The Prat Poodles are yodeling again. I have put my chest of drawers against the door again. I refuse to let Libby inside. I have to go meet Dave's parents tomorrow. I wonder what they will be like? Hmmm. I got that beautiful sketch stuck in my head. I wonder how the tune to the song goes? I must get my beauty sleep. Now. I am starting to resemble a vampire. And no one wants that. Except for those weird girls who think the pale, baggy eyed look is attractive. They seem to think some weird vampire is going to fall in love with them. Tres tres weird. Dave is so much better than any vampire. I highly doubt vampires can nib libble. Or look gorgey in a stripper wig. I would not know though because I have not read any weird vampire books. I have better things to do. Like snog Dave. Snoggy snog snog!


	11. JelliodKnickersAGoGo!

* * *

Monday

_**Monday**_

_**Fire Demonstration Day**_

_**Meet Dave's Olds Day **_

_**8am**_

I am for once well-rested. My hair is behaving and I woke up early enough to run a hair straightener through it a couple of times to scare away the bomb haired look that is so popular with the mentally unstable. I have no lurking lurkers and the orangutan- gene seems to have retreated. It will probably burst onto the scene when I least expect it, but for today, I am good. I put mascara, lipgloss and eye-liner. I am getting very slack with make-up. But Dave doesn't mind. He saw me in my tellie tubbie jammies yesterday and didn't run away. In fact he called me gorgeous. He is such a good boyfriend. So honest.

_**10 minutes later**_

I don't believe it. There is cereal again! I looked at Mutti and she said, "Your going to need it sweetie. Good luck." And took Libby to kindy. I ate it really fast. Just in case Angus or Gordy decided to biff my bowl or pee in my cereal. Evil lurks among us.

_**Jas' house**_

Jas was sitting on her wall again. She also had _tres_ subtle make-up.

She said, "Gee, what's wrong? You look like someone told you Miss Stamp is your sister."

"Erlack!! No I have to meet Dave's family today."

"I remember what it was like when I had to go meet Tom's family for the first time…" She went into Jas'n'Tom mode. It was quite soothing actually. Listening to her ramble on.

_**School**_

The school has gone mad. Boy mad. The first formers were the worst. All stalker and tarted up. When I walked in I could see quite a couple girls crowded around Dave.

He was saying, "Right I know I'm gorgeous but I have to go snog my girlfriend now!"

All the girls shot daggers at me. I saw Rollo roll his eyes. He also had a small crowd of admirers but they kept their distance.

Wet Lindsey walked up to Dave, "No snogging on school grounds!"

Dave said, "Ah you're just jealous of Georgia."

WL went, "Why would I be jealous of that thing?"

Dave winked and said, "Because she's got me and she's got nungas."

Then he walked off towards me. Wet Lindsey was quite literally fuming and went red but she couldn't do anything about it. Dave put his arm around my waist and Rollo did that annoying starey thing. Tom'n'Jas were both staring at Rollo like seeing-eyed dogs. Or like they suspected he had a gun and was going to take us all hostage at any chosen moment.

_**10 minutes later**_

Dave is doing that never-let-go-of-Gee thing. Its getting hard to walk. Especially through doors. Hawkeye is giving us the evils.

_**Assembly**_

JOY UNBOUNDED!! THERE ARE NO LESSONS TODAY BECAUSE OF THE FIRE THINGY! ELVIS WILL ONLY SHOW ONE FORM AT A TIME (for safety reasons) SO THERE ARE NO LESSONS! Thank you Lord Sandra! Thank you Elvis! I love you Big G! It's a sign! The Gang all did the Viking Inferno until Hawkeye threatened to execute us. She said that we were setting a bad example to the visitors. Then she noticed Hunky's lack of eyebrow and Dave's tie around his head like Rambo and seemed to forget what she was saying. The hymn was Kumbaya My PANTS. Dave leaned towards me, "Your principal has truly magnificent chins. We should send a piccie to Guinness World Book of Records, for the most chins."

I said, "Just wait till they wobble."

Dave looked a bit scared.

_**Half an hour later**_

This is brilliant. Form 10 has Herr Kamer as a watch dog. We all just sitting in Herr Kamer's German classroom, talking and screaming. The lads have an endless fascination with the language and keep asking Herr Kamer about the Kochs. They have such rudey-dudey minds. Especially as he knows nothing on what they really mean, unless he is a secret German-O-Gram. ERLACK!! GET OUT IF MY HEAD!! Rollo is sitting by himself working in his book again. He looks up at me every now and then. I feel so poo. He looked all a miz. Jas was looking at me.

"Errr… should we say hello?"

"Um. I think so. But don't say anything. He doesn't like to be disturbed."

We ambled over. Rollo was drawing me again I think. This time I was sitting down and looking forwards. Jas' eyes went big when she saw his sketch. The background wasn't street like last time but a park. The background was done and Rollo was working on the face. Like last time, I couldn't look away.

I said really softly, "Hey Rollo."

He looked up really angry but when he saw it was me and Jas he put down the book, "Georgia…"

He was speaking in the same soft voice he used when he was in the park. Jas stood there like a Fringey Goosegog.

"We figured you wanted some company. But I see you're busy so we'll just go…"

"No, no. Sit! I'll finish it later."

Jas said, "Wow. It's really good."

I nodded. "Can I see it?"

"It's not finished."

"Doesn't matter."

"Just don't turn to my lyrics."

I sat down on a chair next opposite and Jas sat next to me. He passed me the book. In tippex it said across the front, "DON'T OPEN! THIS MEANS YOU DAVE!", along with other things, I smiled a bit at that one. I turned to the sketch. Rollo was almost finished. He just had to do the eyes. I looked at the rest of her. It really was me. She had my hair, nungas and uni. And conk. But it looked beautiful on her. Not like it took over her face. It was a truly marvy drawing. Jas was trying to look over my shoulder but Rollo kept asking her what the German posters meant so she had to look at them. I closed the book and kept it on my lap. Tom and Dave were looking at us. Tom was staring at the book on my lap.

"It's beautiful Rollo. Really. I can't wait to see it when it's done."

"It's like the other one you liked…"

"Yeah I noticed. Beautiful. Really."

"Yeah she is beautiful."

He was staring at me again. I looked at Jas. Her mouth was open and she looked like some one told her that giant knickers were illegal.

"How long have you been working on it?"

"Since yesterday. I should finish by the end of school. The eyes are the hardest you know."

"I'm sure. You do them really well though. You seem to give them emotion."

"Thanks Gee."

And he stared at me. I didn't know what to do so I looked at Jas. She was still sitting there in silence. I opened the book again. Rollo leaned over and turned to a page of lyrics.

"You can read those. It's from the song I sang at Late and Live."

I read over them. I could here Rollo's voice in my head singing the song. It was actually very quiet in the classroom. When I turned around all the Gang and all the guys in the class were watching me.

"It's a bit freaky-deaky. All these blokes being quiet and watching us."

Rollo looked at me, straight in the eye, "I've never let anyone see what's in my book. I guess they just surprised."

Jas said in her incredibly dim way, "Never?! Why?"

"'Cos it's private."

"Why did you let Georgia look then?"

Rollo just stared at me. I didn't know what to do.

"Because Gee's different."

I turned over the page, forgetting that Rollo said I couldn't see his lyrics. Rollo leaned towards me. He had that same look on his face like he did when I said that I liked his sketches at Luigi's yesterday.

"From when my dad died."

Jas looked like she was going to fall off her chair again. I read through the lyrics. They were heartbreakingly sad. Rollo started to sing them really softly to me. He had such a sexy, sad voice. I can't lie. When he had finished he was looking at me again.

"Wow. It's so sad. I'm sorry about your father. It must be hard. Beautiful song though. Really. I'm not lying. You're really talented."

"Thanks. It is a bit hard at times but it's better than him having to be in the pain he was in. At least he's not in pain anymore. I really think there is some sort of after life. I have to. That's where he is. And he's not in pain anymore."

And I don't know why but like an idiot I blurted out, "But you are."

He looked at me. Really, really looked at me. In the eye. "Yeah. I am. But I'll be fine. I will."

And for some reason I gave him a hug. Jas sort of joined in. I guess to make it more matey. But I really had to give Rollo a hug. He seemed to need it. I highly doubt any of his friends had done that. They were all boys. Or girls who wanted to snog him. I was just helping him, he was miserable.

"Thanks. For listening. You know since my dad died, no one will listen to me, they just tell me that time will heal. I don't care about that. I just want someone to listen. Not tell me what to do, but just listen. And it's like everyone is scared of me, like I'm going to start blubbing or something."

"I don't mind if you blubb. You should be allowed to blubb all you want."

"Thanks. I needed a hug. No one has given me one since he died. They just say sorry, mate. They don't know what it's like."

"If it helps you can adopt my Uncle Eddy as your father. He's a novelty stripper."

Rollo started laughing. Jas was still doing her goldfish impersonation. Tom and Dave were staring like starey things.

Herr Kamer got up, "Now vee vill all sing a song, jah?"

We all just looked at him. He sat back down all red faced.

"err.. Rollo? You should finish your drawing. We'll leave you to it. You can come sit with us if you want."

"Yeah I should finish. And I'm fine, I prefer to draw when I'm by myself."

"Ok. And if you ever want to talk me and Jas are here for you."

We walked off. Jas kept saying "Oh my God, oh my giddy God."

It was vair vair annoying.

"Gee, I need the piddley diddley department."

_**Tarts wardrobe**_

Jas was doing the fringe-flick. She is sooo annoying.

"I feel so bad!"

"Why Jas?"

"Because everyone is just ignoring Rollo!"

"He's a big boy. He can handle it."

"No, Gee, his dad died!"

"Last year."

"Dave told you?"

"Yeah."

"Just Rollo has no one who will listen to him!"

"We will."

"I still can't believe he showed you his lyrics!"

"I know."

"Wow."

"Jas do you think he got the wrong idea when I gave him a hug?"

"Noooo… you were just being nice."

"Ok good."

"But he does love you Gee, if you could see the way he looks at you. I think he thinks you're the One!"

"But Dave's my One!"

"Just when Rollo looks at you, Gee it's like he turns off."

"Mmmm?"

"Yeah! He turns off from the rest of the world! And when he's around you it's like he can't think of anything but you. Or stop looking at you. It's weird! It's like what Dave has and you have with Dave but Rollo is just more serious. Like with Dave he's always flirting with you. But with Rollo he just looks at you!"

"I've noticed, Jas."

"It's like Rollo trusts you with his book and his feelings. Like you the only person who's opinion matters."

"What do I do?? I don't like him that way! I love Dave! But when I tell him that he says I'm in love with him and I just don't realize it."

"He's sooo romantic!"

"Jas, not helping."

"Oh right. Um do what Tom told you to do!"

Thanks Jas.

_**10 minutes later**_

The Gang has turned into the Spanish Inquisition, it's a bit unnerving. Tom keeps going on about Rollo showing me the bloody book.

Dave is saying, "Lyrics? Bloody lyrics? Oh my God. You saw his lyrics? He sang to you? His lyrics? Sang? As in lalalala? His lyrics? He sang his lyrics to you?" etc. It getting quite annoying.

Ro-Ro took out the beard and said, "Dave, get your PANTS together, maaannn!"

Me and Jas are a bit scared. Of Dave the Laugh in particular. Rollo (thank Buddha) is to busy drawing me to notice that the Gang have gone mad. Tom is doing his annoying pacing thingy and Dave is still muttering to himself about the lyrics. I told Radio Jas not to tell them exactly what Rollo told us. It would be mean. It's his feelings and I don't think he wants everyone to know.

"Errr… Rollo drew another sketch of me and he sang me the song that he wrote when his dad died. Then he showed me those lyrics and we talked a bit about his dad. That's all."

"Did you see the book Jas?"

"No. He wouldn't let me. he said Georgia could see because she was different. I never heard him sing either. He sang really softly and was leaning towards Georgia."

That seemed to satisfy them. Dave calmed down and put his arm around me. We were talking about his elderly loons. Dave says they are very annoying.

_**25 minutes later**_

Herr Kamer has just told us it is break. Rollo came up to me, "I'm done." He looked all excited and happy. He opened up to the picture. And looked at me all eager and keen. The eyes looked sad and lonely. On the picture, not on Rollo. Rollo's eyes looked all happy, like happy things on happy day in happy land. Which is really quite gross, a land full of happy eyeballs. Erlack! But the drawing… It was truly a beyond marvy sketch.

"Wow."

"I know! I can't believe I'm done!"

"Wow."

"I think it's one of my best. Possibly better than the other one. Which do you prefer?"

"I don't know. They both so beautiful. I really can't decide."

"Here, you can have this one."

And he tore out his sketch.

"Na-uh. You drew it. You own it."

"No I want you to have it. I got the other one."

"Thanks Rollo."

"And you can show people. I don't mind. It's yours now."

"Thanks." And I gave him another hug. Jas ogled me but I just raised my eyebrows.

"Pleasure Gee. That's what friends are for, right?"

"Right."

And he walked off. Jas ran up to me, "What was that about? You not supposed to hug him!"

"He gave me his sketch."

I showed her. Her mouth fell open.

"Its…its...wow."

"I know."

"It's of you!"

"I know."

"You look so sad!"

"I know."

"I see what you mean now about how he puts emotion in the eyes."

"I know."

"It's beautiful."

"I know."

"Blimey."

"I know."

Then Tom and Dave came up to us.

Tom said, "What's going on here? What did Rollo want?"

Jas said, "Ooooh! He just gave Gee a sketch! Of her!! He's such a brillo-pads artist! Show him Gee!"

I showed Tom and Dave the sketch.

Tom said, "I don't bloody believe it. He GAVE this to you?"

"Yeah."

Dave said, "Didn't he say this was his favorite sketch yesterday?"

"It was one of two favorites. He's got the other, the one we saw yesterday. It's also of me."

Dave said, "Does he know that you know it's of you?"

"I don't think so…"

"Bugger."

Tom was looking at me, "He gave you his favorite sketch, one out of his book and he doesn't mind you showing people?"

"Yeah! I didn't steal it! He gave it to me and said I could show whoever I wanted."

"Oh my God."

I am so scared someone will ruin it. I will ask Herr for a plastic sleeve to put it in.

_**15 minutes later**_

Everyone is sitting down on the grass. Even Rollo. Dave is lying on my lap and we are doing starey eyes. It's double cool with knobs. Rollo is looking at us. Again. But me and Dave are just doing starey eyes. And hair stroking. Jas'n'Tom are snuggling and Mabs and Dec are snogging behind the bike shed. Rosie and Jools are discussing lip gloss.

"…. Sven like's my fish one best."

"Really?"

"Yeah!"

Dave said, "Dave likes chocolate."

Rollo rolled his eyes, got up and walked off.

Jas said, "Tom likes me natural. Don't you?"

Tom said, "As long as I'm snogging you I don't mind what you wear."

And Jas giggled like a pathetic elf.

_**5 minutes later**_

The bell just rang.

I said, "I just have to go to the tarts wardrobe!"

And I ran off. I was walking down the corridor past the closet when someone pulled me into the closet. It was pitch black inside the closet. I couldn't see a thing.

"Gee it's me." it was a manly voice. It must be Dave. But since he was whispering I couldn't really be sure.

"Um ok."

"Gee… I… I love you. I really do." Dave. Deffo.

"I love you too."

"Really?"

"Yeah."

"You really mean that?"

"Yeah, you don't just say that kind of thing you have to mean it when you say it!"

Then he lifted the wrist he had grabbed me by and kissed my wrist and then my palm and then dragged my hand down so I was sort of stoking his nose and kissed the tip of my middle finger. It was bloody brilliant this hand snogging. Then he dropped my hand and the next thing I knew he was kissing my neck. It was really slow and started in the hollow of my neck and ended under my ear. He had his one hand on my neck and so that the thumb fell just under my jaw. Right by my ear. It was marvy. He started kissing my mouth. Little soft kisses at first but the it turned into a number 5 and then a number 6. I put my arms on his waist and he put his other arm so that it went up my back and between my shoulders. He did the varying pressure thing. It was so yummy. Jelliod knickers-a-gogo!! It was different to how he usually kissed me. He kept pulling away like he was going to stop, saying stuff in French (!), then snogging me harder. And harder. I did that moany thing. He did this thing where he ran his tongue over my bottom lip. Yummy scrumboes and scrummy yumboes!! But no lip nibbling?! I did it to him and he did the moany thing. He was snogging me really passionately now and I did that moany thing again. We must have snogged for at least 15 minutes. He kissed my neck again and I think he put his face close to mine because I could feel him breathing.

"Wowzee wow wow! Fan-bloody-tastic snogging Dave!"

"Dave, ey?"

Then he dropped his hands and I dropped mine. And then Rollo opened the closet and ran out. Oh God. Oh God. Oh my giddy God's pajamas. What have I done?! I think I shoved Rollo on the rack of luurve. And I have accidentally cheated on Dave! With his best friend! Oh noooooo!!

_**5 minutes later, the tarts wardrobe**_

When I got here Jas was waiting for me. I was having a complete spazattack.

"Where have you been?"

"Jas I have just done something wrong. Please just listen to me."

"What?"

"I accidentally snogged Rollo. For 20 minutes."

"WHAT!!"

"I thought he was Dave!"

"They look NOTHING alike! How could you mistake ROLLO for DAVE!?"

"I never saw him! I was walking to the tart's wardrobe and someone pulled me into the cupboard and said he loved me! He sounded like Dave so I said I love him too and he started snogging me! Then when he stopped I said, "fantastic snogging Dave" and Rollo said, "Dave, ey?" and ran out the closet. I honestly thought it was Dave, Jas! I couldn't see!"

"Oh my God oh my God! Georgia!! You tart! You HAVE to tell Dave!"

"Ok…"

_**10 minutes later**_

Dave and Jas are standing by the closet. I feel sick to my stomach. No one has seen Rollo. Dave is going, "Why are we here?" I opened the closet.

"Dave please don't hate me. But get in the closet and see if you can tell the difference between me and Jas."

We all got in the closet.

"No. I can't see a thing. Why would I hate you for it?"

We got out the closet.

"Rollo pulled me in the closet and said he really loves me and I thought it was you and we snogged. I couldn't tell the difference! I honestly thought it was you. I am sooo so sorry Dave."

He looked at me. "Are you sure you never knew it was me? Maybe you do like Rollo?"

"NO! I was in that closet and I couldn't see a thing, Dave, when he stopped snogging me I even said, "Fantastic snog DAVE" and that's why Rollo is angry! Because I thought he was you! I would have NEVER snogged him if I knew it was him!"

"Fantastic snog?"

"I thought it was you!!"

I was practically blubbing.

"I am sooo soo sorry Dave! I never knew!"

I was blubbing now. Jas looked quite scared, Dave did the hair-strokey hug thing.

"Shhh, pet, it's ok. I'm not blaming you. Rollo tried to get off with my girlfriend. You didn't know who was in there and you were right to think your boyfriend would say he loved you, not his best friend. But Rollo knew exactly who you were and that you were going out with me, yet he still snogged you. I'm angry at him, Gee, not you."

I stopped blubbing but Dave was still hugging me. Jas did back patting. I cleaned myself up and went to Herr's class.

_**2 minutes later**_

O Goddddd… Rollo is sitting there. In his bloody book again. Dave gave him SUCH a look. Rollo didn't even notice. He just frowned into his bloody book. He keeps brushing his hand against his lips. It's really annoying. Dave pulled me into his side and we walked over to the Gang. He is deffo Dave the Angry. Rollo looked up at us. He glared at us then started scribbling in his book again. I wonder what he is thinking?

_**1 minute later**_

Wowzee wow wow?! Fan-bloody-tastic?! What was I thinking!! Ahhh! That's why he keeps brushing his lip! It's like licking them! But he has already snogged me! I will just quickly look in _how to make any twit fall in love with you_, I think it is in my bag.

_**5 minutes later**_

Yes yes! It means that they want to snog again, that they are thinking about _le_ snog and want to snog again! Ohmygodohmygod!!

_**3 minutes later**_

I just brushed my lip!! Nooo! Rollo's watching me now. Dave is glaring at Rollo. Tom is looking at everyone.

"Explain. Now."

_**5 minutes later **_

Tom is screaming at Rollo. It's a bloody miracle.

"…you just can't leave them alone! Dave's finally happy! Why don't you just leave him and Georgia alone! He's finally happy! What kind of friend are you!"

"Dave may be happy but has NO ONE realized that I am MISERABLE!!"

Then he ran out. Everyone is looking at Tom. I looked at Jas. She looked at me.

"Jas, we can't leave him like that. We promised him this morning we'd be there."

She nodded and we ran after Rollo. He left his book and Mark Big Gob was about to get it. I snatched it up and we ran after Rollo. Herr Kamer is going, "Toilet? Toilet? Jah jah!!"

_**10 minutes later**_

Rollo is sitting under the tree. He is shrugged over.

"Rollo?"

"What? Just leave me Georgia. You've done enough."

"We brought your book."

Good Lord. He looked horrible. It wasn't even like he was crying. He just looked empty. I put down the book and sat next to him.

"Hey… it's ok. Rollo, it's fine."

"It's not ok Georgia. I love you and you don't love me. None of my so called friends are here. They don't understand."

Jas' eyes went huge.

"You have me and Jas."

"Georgia can I sing you something?"

"Um… sure."

"I never wrote it."

"That's fine."

And he sang:

_I smile , you laugh, I look away  
I sigh, you ask me why, I say,  
It's ok and I am just feeling down  
Your hand on mine I hear the words...  
If only love had found us first, our lives would be different__ocked beside my hearts black box  
It wont be found, it wont be found, through the smoke or the wreckage  
So I crash and burn  
I got a lot of things to learn_

So I stand and wait  
I am just a man

Where would we be now baby, if we found each other first  
Where would we be now baby,

And now I must confess  
That I am a sinking ship  
I'm anchored by the weight of my heart cause its filled with these feelings  
I keep my true thought l

Where would we be now baby, if we found each other first  
What would you do now darling, if I said these simple words  
I'll wait, I'll wait...As long as you want

Where would we be now baby

I'll wait  
I'll wait

Where would we be now baby, if we found each other first  
What would you do now darling, if I said these simple words  
I'll wait, I'll wait...As long as you want.

Where would we be now baby  
I'll wait  
I'll wait

I looked at him.

"Good Charlotte, where would we be now."

"Oh ok."

"It's my favorite song."

Jas' knickers! Here I was thinking that this was his private thought train!

"Oh. It's a very nice song."

"I just thought you should know. Seeing as we friends now."

"Oh ok. Wweeelll, I like the telly tubbies tune."

WHY!! I don't like it! I was speaking complete crap now! Oh God. Rollo looked at me.

"Are we friends? Or…" he brushed his lips again.

I brushed mine. I just couldn't get that snog out of my head! I could still feel his lips on my hand!

"I meant what I said in the closet. I love you Georgia. I don't know what to do about that anymore. I just don't. Dave and Tom can say what they like but I'm not going anywhere. You do love me. You told me so."

And he got up and walked off. Jas looked at me.

"Oh my God. Gee, you said you love him!?"

"I thought he was Dave!!"

"He's not going to leave you alone now!"

"Yeah…"

"He's going to keep snogging you!"

"Oh my God."

"How was the snog? I won't tell anyone."

"Wowzee wow wow! Fan-bloody-tastic snog!"

"Georgia!!"

"That's what I told Rollo. The truth was it was so much better. Not the best snog ever but top 3."

"O God! You told him that?"

"Not that he was top 3! Just that it was a truly brilliant snog!"

"Oh my God!!"

"Jas, it really was brilliant." I was whispering.

Jas leaned forwards, "What did he do? In absolute detail."

"We'll it was pitch black in the closet. And he sort of leaned forward to talk to me but I couldn't see anything and I just sort of felt him breathing."

Jas went, "Oo-er."

"And then he said, "It's me Gee." And I thought it was Dave. And so I was like ok… and he said, "I love you. I really do." and I still thought it was Dave so I said, "I love you too." and he said, "really? You mean it?" and I said, "yeah I do. You don't just say those things." and then he lifted my wrist and kissed my wrist, my palm and the tip of my finger."

"Oh my God. You did say you love him!"

"Yeah, I guess so. And then he kissed my neck and then he started to snog me. I went completely jelliod. He kept pulling back like he was going to stop, saying stuff in Froggy, then snogging me harder. And then he did this thing were he sort of licked my lips. It was marvy. So I lip nibbled him, I still thought it was Dave, and he moaned and snogged me harder and I moaned. Then he kissed my neck and put his face really close to mine. We had our arms around the both of us. Usually after me and Dave snog we say something so I said, "Wowzee wow wow! Fan-bloody-tastic snog Dave!" then Rollo dropped his arms and said, "Dave ey?" and ran out."

"Oh my God!! You had a jelliod snog with your boyfriends best friend!"

"I know! And you know he keeps touching his mouth? In my _how to make any twit fall in love with you_ it says that boys do that when they want to snog or they are thinking about snogging!"

"Non!"

"Oui!"

"Oh my giddy God! He moaned?"

"Yeah!"

"You made ROLLO jelliod?"

"I guess so!"

"Wow. In the dark. You snogged him, in the dark. And _you_ keep touching your mouth!"

"Jas, I can't help it! It was so brilliant!"

"Did it beat Dave?"

"No… but it was close, I'm not going to lie."

"Oh my God. If he snogs you again Gee… Dave's not going to be a happy chappy."

"I know! And I love Dave, I really do, but that doesn't make Rollo's snog any less amazing."

"Gee!"

"It's true! And he is always doing romantic things, singing to me, drawing beautiful pictures of me, staring at me. The whole bloody petunia. And when I snogged him, Jas I think a little part of me likes him. A very small part. But the Red Bottom threat is there. And I don't want that. I just want it to be me'n'Dave, like you'n'Tom! Just no voles…"

"I'll watch you. I won't go away. Nor will Dave. Promise Gee. But the way he looks at you… wow Gee."

And we went back to class.

_**Class**_

When I walked in Dave snogged me. Quickly. Jjjeeellliiioooddd. Herr was in the piddley diddley department (poo-palour division?) apparently. Rollo was looking at us again. Oh Godd…

"Oy matus! By the power of the little people you musteth gettus ready for thee fire demonstratus or face the wrath of the many chinned one!" Rosie had her beard on.

Jools was glaring at me.

"Jeez Jools, wutdudido?"

"I'm not blind you know. We can all see Rollo and how he looks at you."

Every one turned to gawp at Rollo. He was to busy staring at me to notice.

"I don't force him to stare! I don't even like him! I love Dave!"

"Whatever."

Dave put his arms around me and nuzzled my neck. Oooh jelliod! Again! Ahhh! Then Hawkeye marched in.

"COME!"

We all followed, a little scared.

_**2 hours later**_

How bloody pointless. All it was, was Elvis pouncing on things and setting them alight. The most interesting thing that happened was that Dave stood up to ask a question and Elvis went ballistimus, "THAT'S THE BOY WHO PUT THE FIRE BLANKET OVER THE CLOTHES HORSE!! THAT'S HIM!" and Dave said, "Prove it, uh huh!" and sat back down. Then Elvis resumed his pouncing and setting alight things while rambling on. The only difference was that he did so more violently. So boring. Yawn. Me and Dave did starey eyes to pass time. It is kind of ruined if a certain potato is staring at you while you stare into the eyes of your plighted troth. I'm not naming names but it was Rollo. Lindsey said, "Take a picture sweetie, it will last longer. Mind you I don't think they make cameras big enough to get in all that nose!" and Rollo gave her the same look he gave the waitress. Only more intense. Lindsey went red and started stuttering like an idiot. Then she ambled off to torture Ro-Ro and her beard. Haha! She so clearly likes Rollo! Hahahaha! And he gave her the death glare. Haha!

_**Walking with Dave to his house**_

Snogging. Lalalalila. Life is fab. Dave gave me a piggy back all they way here. He nearly dropped me when he tried to do the Viking inferno with me on his back. It's so funny. I kissed his neck and he went all spazoid. That's when he put me down and snogged me.

"Wowzee wow wow! Fan-bloody-tastic snogging Dave!" Rollo said as he walked past. He looked really angry.

Dave stopped snogging me and looked at Rollo, "What?"

"That's what your beloved Georgia said to me when I decided to be a man and tell her what I think regardless of what people think of me."

"You mean snogging her when she thought you were someone else?"

"It was still, in her own words, a fan-bloody-tastic snog. And I think she knew who I was."

"You think a lot of things Rollo."

And Rollo sculled off.

"Did you really and honestly not know it was Rollo?"

"I swear on my life."

And so Dave snogged me.

_**Dave's house**_

It is relatively normal. From the outside anyway. Walking inside. Walkey walkey. Ah. It is very normal about from toddley toys lying around everywhere. A little boy came running up to us.

"Daveydaveydavey! You have a girly friend! K-I-S-S-I-N-B!!"

He was adorable. Big chocolate eyes, curly dark afro style hair and a cute button nose. He turned to me, "What big eyes you have!"

"Errr… all the better to see you with!" I am so good at this toddley folk games thingy.

Matt grinned, "What big…. NUNGA NUNGAS you have!!" and he laughed an evil toddley laugh and ran off. Bloody cheeky like Dave! I was quite literally stunned. Dave was laughing his head off.

"Well, I can see where you two share a resemblance."

"Ahh… Gee. You should have seen your face! Pants on high! That was absolutely brilliant! I must remember to thank Matt later!"

A Mutti type person walked into the room. "David? Is this Georgia?"

"Yes. Mother I formally introduce you to my chosen beau, Miss Georgia Nicolson." He said it in a really posh accent.

"Stop being so silly, David. Why hello dear!"

"Um hello."

"Call me Julia."

"Call me Georgia?"

She gave me a bit of a funny look.

"Your sister is going to be here at any moment."

"You never said you have a sister…"

"I have disowned her. She has insulted the way of the laugh."

"David! That's horrible!" Dave's Mutti rambled on for ages. Until the door opened and a very pretty older girl walked in. She had long, stick straight black hair and a very pretty face. She was tall and skinny and was wearing a skirt so short I could see what she had for breakfast and an awesome black, layered ruffled low cut top.

"Mother! David!" she went up and air-kissed Julia.

"David…"

"Georgia this is my sister Sophia and Soph, this be Georgia!"

"I've told you, David, not to call me that. Why hello! So you are the famous Georgia! David often talks about you in his sleep. Mostly non-sense." She rambled on and on.

"I have just come from shopping! Quite a nice selection they have here!"

"Yeah yeah Soph. I would love to talk shopping but I have a guest."

He dragged me upstairs to his room.

"Drama student. In London. She never shuts up! Gets it from my mother I suppose."

Dave's room looks like Hawkeye let loose her Alsatians then released Sven onto the premises, there were clothes EVERYWHERE, the bed was unmade and just general junk lying on the floor. Dave kicked through it all to get to his bed. There were poster's off various bands that I had never heard of and a couple photos of Dave and his friends on the walls. One of him and Rollo dressed like hippies in fact_. Tres tres amusant_.

"Come on KittyKat!"

I pushed my way through the junk and sat on his bed. There was that awkward time when you both want to snog but don't know how to start snogging. I was about to say something tres tres sex kittyish when Dave just started kissing my neck. Wow!

_**2 minutes later**_

Snogging.

_**10 minutes later**_

Snogging. I did that lip lick thingy that Rollo did to me. Dave moaned. Teehee…

_**15 minutes later**_

Snoggy snog snog. My new address:

Georgia Laugh

8 Jelliod Road

Snoggington

Snog Land

_**5 minutes later**_

We were still snogging when Julia knocked on the door, "Dave, Georgia, snacks?"

Dave rolled his eyes, "No!"

"Ok… I'll be here if you need me!"

_**5 minutes later**_

We were snogging again when Julia walked in. Dave was sort of lying on me again. He jumped when he heard the door and fell off the bed.

"Oooh sorry. I just brought you those snacks!"

"Jesus! We didn't want any!"

"Oh ok."

And she walked out.

"Bloody hell you can't get any privacy around here!"

He climbed back onto the bed. I started kissing his neck and we were snogging on his bed again. I sort of had my hands up the back of his shirt and there was some number 8 on his part when his Mutti walked in again.

"um… well sorry David, just bringing you some drinks… you seem to be… erm, right bye."

And she walked out.

"I'm locking the door."

He got up and locked his door. We had just started snogging again when his mother knocked on the door.

"David? David? I've told you not to lock your door! If there was an emergency, how would you get out?"

"Open the door!"

"You are too cheeky, young man! Come out this instance! Your father and I have some things we would like to discuss with you and Georgia!"

Dave didn't move.

"NOW!! DON'T MAKE ME GET THE OTHER KEY!!"

Dave jumped up and opened the door.

_**8 pm**_

Remind me never to go to Dave's house again. His olds gave us the talk. Together. Dave looked like he wanted to die. I also did. Dave's dad is completely mad. Like a hyper active rabbit. He didn't sit down. He was laughing and patting our heads. Vair vair annoying. I can see why Dave has practically moved in. Though I would have to say Libby is far more annoying than Matt. When I walked in Libby threw James The Tin of Beans at me and was in the nudey pants. And Dave seems to have nice, poodle-free neighbors. When I got home I found Angus on the doorstep in a sack with a note from Mr. Next Door saying Vati owes him 20 squids for the animal-psychologist they had to call in to get the Prat Poodles out of the kennel. Fat chance of us paying. I could have just sent over Jas'n'Tom.

_**10pm**_

Have put the drawers in front of my door. Libby is throwing a nudey-pants tantrum. But I must be alone in my bed of confusionosity. I have lots to think about. Like Rollo's snog. And Dave's mad Olds. Who can ramble us all into the new millennium. And

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

* * *

**Hehehe! Can't wait for the next chappie! hope you guys enjoyed it! do i deserve i review? even if i made you like Rollo? Hmmm please... next update might take a while, i'm going away! so maybe a week or just over. sorry!**


	12. GRowl!

_**Tuesday**_

_**8 am**_

Urgh. Lurking lurker. I shall attack it with perfume. I knew this lurkerless state was to good to be true. Libby had some how managed to get in my room this morning, she left me a nice present of porridge in a decapitated doll head. Lovely. How did she get in her anyway? Probably through the window. Like Angus. She has very cattish qualities. Mad cat. I had the weirdest dream last night. It was mine and Dave's wedding (he was in a sun-dress, does this mean he is on the turn?) and we were about to snog. Libby was the judge doing the wedding and kept saying snoggy snog snog. Then Rosie and Sven ran into the ceremony in full Viking gear and Rollo climbed out of Sven's backpack and started singing the telly tubbies tune. Then Dave turned into a hamburger and Jas started yodeling. It was _tres tres_ weird. Is it a message from my sub-conscious? What is it telling me? To book myself in an asylum?

_**20 minutes later**_

The cereal has mysteriously vanished. I have my suspicions. I think Mutti hides it in her room. Or her over-the-shoulder-boulder-holder. Erlack!!

_**Assembly **_

Slim apparently has some huge announcement that she will give the form 10 girls after assembly. We are missing first period to, well, er, be informed. Rosie has resumed the stubble thingy and it is decidedly scary. She looks like a greasy, kidnapping-type European man. All she needs is sun glasses and a leather coat. And more hair grease. And a trouser snake. Miss Stamp is giving her serious evils. It's very scary.

_**Half an hour later**_

Madame Slack is here with Slim. What fresh hell? They are holding a large list type thingy.

_**5 minutes later**_

All the Foxwood lads in form 10 walked in! What is going on?! Slim stood up. Oh my God! RUNN!!

"I am sure you are all wondering why you are here."

No duh. We are telepathetically linked to one of your chins. One each. Urgh…

"We have decided that you are all going to pair up, one boy one girl, and give a presentation about the fire safety demonstration on Thursday and Friday. It will form a large part of your English mark. To avoid tension and fights we have already paired you up. In alphabetical order. You and your partner have to make a presentation about 10 minutes long including visuals on fire safety. The winners get 25 pounds each! I hope you all enjoy and learn to work together. Madame will now read out your partners, please use this time to discuss your ideas in a diplomatic way. Do so in private to avoid people stealing your idea. We expect you to give a progress report on Wednesday. The boys will be attending classes here on Friday and Thursday to make things easier. Good luck to you all!" and she jelliod out. Oh my God! What was Dave's surname?! Laugh? Oh noooo!!

_**10 minutes later**_

This is sooo typico. I was paired with Roul Nanette. Otherwise known as Rollo. Madame Slack got all excited like the sad person she is when she read his name and started speaking le Froggy to him.

She patted him on the head like he was her seeing-eye dog and said, "You are French_, oui_? Nanette?"

Rollo went, "Yes."

Then Madame Slack said, "_Parlez-vous Francis?"_

And Rollo went, "_Oui Madame_."

And she patted him on the head again. _"__Il est agréable de t'entendre dire ça__._ _Pourriez-vous peut-êtr __enseigner_ _Georgia parler à Francis!"_

And Rollo laughed. Wait what? Why didn't I listen in Froggy?!

"_Faut pas pousser mémé dans les orties!_ _C'est une dure!"_

"_Avoir un avis favorable!"_

And they both laughed and Rollo came towards me.

"What?"

"I am French, I speak it fluently. Remember…?"

He looked at me. Not the bloody snog thing again!!

"Err… yeah _Roul_!"

"I never picked it! And it is pronounced Row-el! Not Rowl!"

"Right…"

"Yes. It means powerful wolf in French."

"Really? So G-rowl?" wow. How sad am I? I think I will just phone Loserlonia. And move there.

"Grrrrr…" and he smiled. He seemed to be in a better mood than yesterday. Which is good. Friendwise. Dave was giving us evils. Well, Rollo. Since his surname is Smith he got paired with Katie. P Green is paired with Phil the Nerd. Tres romantico. Erlack. Jas is stuck with Mark Big Gob and Tom is with Melanie Griffins. So sad.

"Um Gee? Do you think we should go discuss this thingy?"

"Erm, yeah I didn't hear a word yesterday."

"Me neither. Internet?"

"Yeah we got a couple computers in the library."

"To the library!"

And we walked out.

_**Library**_

We are on the computer. Looking up fire safety. Rollo has his arm around my chair. I suppose to see better. This site seems to be written for the vair dim. Like Jas. The first thing it said is being set alight may cause discomfort. Rollo read it to me in a really crap, dead serious American accent. I couldn't stop laughing. I don't know why. I really don't. ok I do. I do. Because I am a prat of the first water. And beyond. I have accidentally got alone with Rollo. Again. Oh noooo… (slow motion running) I must remember what Tom said… er… may the force be with you? No! Go forth Georgia, use your red bottom wisely? NO NO AND THRICE NO!! What did Vole Man say?! Argh! I am going to have to abandon boys and become a rambling monk! Like Jas! It's too hard all this lovey dovey stuff!

_**10 minutes later**_

Rollo has gone to the piddley diddley department. I will just look up the rambling monks.

_**30 seconds later**_

I don't believe it. It actually exists.

"Gee? What on Earth are you doing on the… _St. Francis of Assisi, Catholic Ramblers Club_?"

"Errrr… I was just researching. I want to become a monk."

NOOOO!! AHHH!! WHY LORD SANDRA?! WHY DID I SAY THAT?

"Serious? I thought men could only do that."

"No not any more. But I am not going to become a Monk, they have to ramble. A lot."

What am I talking about? As usual I will be the last to know.

"Monks are not allowed to have relationships. Devote all your time to Buddha or God or whoever. You know."

"Yes. That is why I am not becoming a monk."

"You would miss snogging to much. Snogging Dave all the time."

"We don't just snog. There is more to life than snogging Dave."

"You do. And not to you."

"We don't. And not true."

"You do. And it is true."

"No I have other things I am passionate about!"

"Ah you are right. You don't snog Dave all the time. You snog me too. And you are very passionate "

I went red. Redder than a red thing on red years eve. After the red thing had embarrassed herself beyond redcognision- SHUT UP BRAIN!

"You snogged me!"

"But you let me."

"But you still snogged me! Again! When I am going out with Dave! And I'm not just going to stop you!"

"I like snogging you. And why won't you?"

"Because… er… I don't know. I just can't."

"Because you love me."

"No I –"

_**2 minutes later**_

Snogging Rollo. Good God. He can snog. But I must think of Dave! I pushed Rollo away. And I leaped like a salmon away from him as well. He looked all cheeky and naughty. His eyes had that snoggey look about them.

"Rollo!!"

"Yes Gee?"

"You can't just go around snogging people when they have a boyfriend!"

"I only snog you."

"You can't snog me! I am going out with your best friend!"

"Hmm… well I don't know what to say to that. Snog?"

"NO! I am not going to snog you again! Ever!"

"Ahhh… that would be a pity since I'm in the top 3."

"WHAT!?"

"You should consider telling Jas those things when I'm not around. It only makes things worse."

"What things?"

"Me trying not to snog the living daylights out of you."

That actually sounds quite delish. But I must think of Dave the Laugh! He is my beloved!

"Yeah well I don't want to snog you! EVER AGAIN! I want to snog Dave!"

"No… you like snogging me. You think I am a fan-bloody-tastic snogger. And romantic. And you like me! You want to kiss me! You want to hug me! Because you … luuurve me!" he was singing it. Like a really crap song tiny folk sing to annoy you. Not midgets. Children, you retards.

"No Rollo. I love Dave. I am not NOT ever going to snog you again."

_**3 minutes later**_

Snogging Rollo. I pushed him off again.

"You can't win arguments like that."

"I was proving a point."

"WHAT?"

"That you would snog me again."

"I didn't want to snog you! I don't like you. I like Dave. I love Dave. I don't like you."

"Yeah but I love you."

"TOO BAD!"

"You know, for a supposed friend, you are really hurting my feelings."

"TOO BAD!"

"You are really just being mean now."

"TOO BAD!"

"You don't mean that do you?"

He wasn't being all fun and happy now. He was serious. O Godddd…

"I do. I love Dave."

"But you love me too. That's why you let me snog you."

"No Rollo. I let you snog me because I, well, switch off when you snog me."

"Really? Am I that good that even if you don't like me I make you jelliod?"

"I am not discussing this. It's non of your business."

"It is. I am the snogger and you are my snoggee."

"No. Lets just do the work. And don't snog me. I do not want to be your snoggee. Find another."

"Harsh. But I will not find another since you are the snoggee I want. And you want me to be your snogger because you do like me. You just think you like Dave."

"You are sooo stubborn. I am Dave's snoggee and his alone."

"No, five minutes ago you were mine. And quite willingly I may add."

I glared at him, he was staring at me. All serious.

"No, I wasn't, as of now you are the dumpee. And I am the dumper."

"Gee… don't be like that. I'm sorry. I won't do it again. I was just having a little fun."

"Oh so to you snogging your best friends girlfriend is fun? What kind of a nympho-whatsit are you?"

"NO! I didn't mean that! It came out wrong! It's just that I heard you speaking to Jas and I honestly thought you wanted me to snog you!"

"Well I don't. And stop listening to my private conversations. It very stalker."

"I was trying to get back to class! And I was curious. I'm really sorry Georgia."

"No Rollo. I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I did this to Dave. Imagine how he feels. "

"I am too! Just please listen to me!"

"No!"

And I walked out. He didn't even follow me. He just bloody stared!

_**2 minutes later**_

No no. He did follow. Like a pathetic puppy. Puppy boy!

"Gee?"

"GO AWAY!"

"Come on Gee, don't be like that."

"I will!!"

"I'm sorry. I really am. I don't know what came over me. I am so so sorry."

"Yeah you should be."

And he gave me a hug. It was a nice hug. Friendly. You know. Not unfriendly, or boyfriendish. Because we are friends. And I like him as a friend.

_**Half a second later**_

Phwoar he is built! I can feel it through his jumper!

_**3 seconds later**_

"I'm so sorry. I acted like a real tosser."

"Nungh."

Brilliant. Stupid Brain. Typico. Why? It was just a hug! And a bit of snog flashback…

"Please Georgia, forgive me. Please? Don't be mad. I promise I won't act like that again, I just don't know what came over me."

"Ok… you're fine. For now."

"Thanks."

And he kissed the top of my head. So technically speaking it wasn't a snog. Just a I-am-sorry gesture. As a friend. Mates! Amigos! Buddies! And all that jazz.

"Well, isn't this just fan-bloody-MARVY! I leave you two alone for 5 minutes and he starts snogging you!"

We jumped apart. Like we were guilty. Which we weren't. Well, I wasn't.

"Err.. no Dave. He wasn't snogging me. He was apologizing."

"Oh. Still. For what?"

"For being a tosser."

"All good then, KittyKat? Your house today?"

"Your olds are scary Dave."

"Ah I know. And you are a bit of a hypocrite considering I was offered your knickers and a strip dance by a bald-o-gram when I met yours. Ah but we weirdos belong together don't we KittyKat?"

"You got that right Hornmeister."

Rollo said, while staring at me, "Actually Georgia we need to do the project today. I don't think we'll finish otherwise. We don't even know fire safety."

"Rollo! TAINTED PANTS!"

"What?"

"You, my friend, have lost your sense of humor. You seemed to have replaced it with depression."  
"What do you expect?! My father died!"

"Right… uh… don't worry, time will heal. Me and Georgia have to go now. We have a pineapple to peel."

"She can speak for herself. She isn't your property, she can make her own decisions."

"Yeah but she's MY girlfriend."

"Georgia what do you think about this?"

"Ummm… Dave, me and Rollo still have a lot of stuff to work out. And we nearly out of time. But I am your girlfriend."

"You two were no where to be found so you missed the announcement."

"What?"

"We got the whole day, but it has to be handed in on Thursday."

"You serious?" well that was obvious. He was the well known Dave the Unlaugh.

"Yeah. So you coming?"

"I think we'll just finish off. Then I'll come. Where are you?"

"Me and Katie are in the German classroom."

"Ok see you in about half an hour?"

Rollo said, "An hour."

"Errr… Ok. And KitttyKat?"

"Yeah Dave?"

"I love you."

"I love you too Dave."

He gave me a peck and walked off. Rollo was staring at me again. I started to blush.

"What?"

"Uhhh… No nothing. Don't worry about it Gee." He was speaking softly again.

"Oh. Um ok."

_**1 minute later**_

Awkward silence. Oh nooo!! Snog flashback! Again! Nooo! Be gone, evil spirit! I must break the silence! Body slam it with something tres sophis, mature and matey.

"I rode bucking horns when I went to America."

Why was I telling Rollo this?!

He started laughing, "What?!"

"It was in Gay Lords."

He was virtually peeing himself laughing, "WHAT?!"

"Jas also rode them."

"WHAT? You… hahahaha… have to tell me."

"It was in a restaurant in America called Gay Lords. When _Rawhide_ played all the horn barstools bucked."

"AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!"

_**20 minutes later**_

We are actually working. Well Rollo is doing visuals, I am writing the speeches. It is very hard. The point is to ramble the form to sleep. And point to Rollo's pictures of prancing people with fire extinguishers. The victim or the culprit is always in overalls and flat hats. Because as Georgia Laugh everything I do must have humor. Even if Rollo thought of it. Still. We are going to his house to make the poster after school. And write the speeches. So that is decided. Then I will go to Dave's.

"Ok I think we done here. I'll just go meet Dave now."

"No no. Lets talk for a while. Besides I one more thing I need to do to you."

Oo-er! I must of looked a little freaked out because Rollo said, "NO not anything like that! Just Madame Slack asked me to help you with your French."

"Nah uh. I refuse."

"Just give me your book."

"NO."

"Yes. "

"_Non_!"

"_Oui_!" and he grabbed my bag.

"Why do you have this in here?" and he pulled out _how to make any twit fall in love with you_. Oh Godddd…

"Social studies."

"You don't have social studies."

"I might."

"No. you don't."

"Ahhh! But the Ace Gang does. Now give me back the book."

"No way. I want to see it."

"NOOOO!" and I lunged at him.

"Why can't I see it? Have you made notes about me in it?"

"No. you just can't."

"Did you use it on us innocent, impressionable boys?"

"You are not going to leave this alone are you?"

"No. Explain or I will steal your book. I am stronger than you."

Crikey don't I know it!

I said in a bored-out-of-my-skull way, "It is a Sex Kitty manual."

"What?"

"How to entrance boys beyond comprehension."

"How would you do that?"

"I'm not telling you!"

"How will I know if I am being entranced then?"

"Ah but you won't. That is the point."

"Show me. Or I will read this book."

And he held up my journal. The bloody snake in trousers!

"No! You play dirty!"

"Sweetie, I am dirty. Now entrance me."

Well he asked for it. I was going to be sooo sex kitty that he won't be able to resist me. right wiggly hips, flicky hair, upsie-downsie, lickey lips, stare at Rollo, sticky eyes, downsie upsie, sticky eyes and slidey eyes look at his mouth, neck, and eyes. Smiley like a sex kitty.

"Good God Georgia…"

"Yes?"

"Wow. It actually worked. Wow."

"I haven't even started." And he looked at me. I winked.

"Phwoar! Use me as your slavey boy!"

"Hahaha!"

"Wowzee wow. Wow."

"Now give me my journal."

"Journal? You not getting now!" and he opened it.

"NOOO!!" I tried to grab it.

"Ah ah wait. Patience. Dave, Dave, Ace Gang, Dave, Rollo- wait what? Rollo? Hmm what does it say errr…. Hey!"

Thank God I could get it. I got in touch with my inner manic and managed to grab it out of his hands.

"I didn't even get to read what you wrote about me! Or anything else!!"

"GOOD!"

"I should know!"

"NO! It's private!"

"Is it that bad?"

"What?"

"Is it all rudey dudey and cheatey on Dave?"

"ROLLO SHUT UP!"

"It is! Now I really want to read it!"

That's when I biffed him over the head with my diary.

"Bloody hell Georgia! 'S not my fault you write cheatey stuff!"

"I DON'T!" ok lie. Lie lie lie.

"You know you do, you write such cheaty rudey dudey stuff about me that… er… I can't read it!"

"No, Rollo, you can't read it because it is my DIARY!"

"And it is filled with-"

"SHUT UP!"

And I took my diary and marched off to find Dave.

_**10 minutes later**_

Snuggling with Dave. Its so marvy. I think I'm going to doze off.

"Gee?"

"Yeah Dave?"

"Are you dozing off?"

Dave is a bit Mystic Meg! Does that make me a lezzie? If I love Mystic Meg? But she is just in spirit in a boy-type body. So not lezzie. Vair freaky deaky though.

"Not anymore."

He laughed. Corr he has such a horn-blowing laugh.

"I'm going round to Rollo's today so I'll come to your house afterwards? That ok?"

"Sure. And please ignore the elderly loons. Don't be long, ok? My hormones may rage out of control and I could turn into Sven."

I laughed. Even though it was quite terrifying. Dave as Sven. Urgh!

"Urgh! No thanks Dave!"

He laughed.

_**After school**_

The Gang all walked out with all the lads singing that really lezzie song "I kissed a girl" and doing really crap disco dancing. Except for Rollo. We were pissing ourselves laughing. Especially when Dec fell over a wall and into some random's garden. Dave got a bit over excited at that one and started doing the Viking Dance to Dec. Sven joined in and after a while a grumpy old man walked out in an alarming tartan kilt and screamed at them, "OY WHAT THE BLOODY HELL ARE YOU DOING IN MY GARDEN!"

Dave (twirling) said, "We are dancing."

"Who do you think you are that you can trespass on my property."

Dave stopped dancing and looked dead serious, "I am the Vati?"

The grumpy old man blinked at that like a tartan vole.

"The who?"

"I said I… am… the… Vati…"

"Who are you son? I don't like your cheek."

"I'm sorry sir, is it the left or the right one that you don't like?"

"YOUR CHEEKYNESS!"

"Ooooh right."

"What is your name?"

"Jack."

"Jack who?"

"Jack the Biscuit."

And we walked off. Tres coolio. Well until Sven joined us. Then he ruined it by yodeling. But live and let yodel.

_**2 minutes later**_

Argh! Shut up! Dave has his hands over his ears and is screaming "MAKE IT STOP!"

_**30 seconds later**_

Doing tandem running away from Sven with Dave. Thank Lord Sandra I wore my good bra. Otherwise I could knock one of us out. Or both. My nungas are just that big.

_**5 minutes later**_

Because me and Dave ran we have arrived to early for Rollo to let me in.

"Gee, I know you want to snog me. Stop trying to play hard to get."

Then he snogged me.

_**2 minutes later**_

Corrr!! Jelliod!

_**30 seconds later**_

Typico of Rollo to interrupt.

"Ahem."

Dave got a bit annoyed, "What??"

"I'm here. Lets go Georgia."


	13. Gadzooks!

**Well hello. I just thought since I always forget to add in an authors note I would now. I have no idea how or when I am going to end this fanfic but I start school on Tuesday so updates may take more time. Remind me never to do a Gee and Dave are together fanfic, its to hard. Cheese factor is unavoidable so then I make the plot thicken but its too thick and now I have a novel. I already have 108 word pages of this FF. And I don't even think I am half way. Oh dear. BTW the sexy French dance was actually not my idea. My friend who speaks French offered me it. Well I was attempting French and he speaks it fluently. I got confused and said I don't speak French, unlike him, I just love French things, so he offered a sexy French dance. Since I like French things. I did not see the dance, thank the cats pajamas. Also it turned out he was replying in Spanish. How does he find time to learn 5 languages?! Japanese, Spanish, French, Flemish, Afrikaans, English. They not even linked!! I am rambling on at the beginning so spoilers people. But I will forget at the end. Also parts of Rollo's speech ( SORRY ) are actually what my one friend says about this girl he likes (loves?). Its sooo sweet. Buggeration my hands hurt. I started rowing, blisters akimbo. Also hard work. I have no free time anymore. But its awesome. Especially camp. I don't want to say too much since none of my friends or family know I am writing this FF and if I say too much they will know it is me and my naked soul is exposed. To people who I know. And that scares me. A lot. Only my grandmother (she is awesome, best gran EVER- I can tell her everything and she reads Georgia Nics and doesn't throw a fit over snogging etc. In fact she is very team Dave) and my friend who I told in a moment of weakness. But AWE (pronounced aware) was found on camp, some gangsta wannabe said it to me. Haha!! Did I mention my school sucks? All girls! And we don't get to go out because of crime so I am practically a nun until socials start again in September. Still gay private school boys… yeah I'm a nun. In ed hardy. My mother actually tried to confiscate my laptop on Saturday because apparently I don't get off of it. But I got it back. But now my internet is stuffed. Oh crap. I still don't believe STINOP is out in SA yet. I went to the book store and crapped on the staff today. They ordered it from the uk for me. It will take 6-8 weeks. No breaking dawn either! End of September ONLY! I am considering writing to book publishers. To complain. I will do the South-African thing and call them racists. We deserve Dave and Edward at the same time as the rest of the world. I keep accidentally finding spoilers. But I chose to forget them. I really do. Also those Dave style FF are awesome guys, wow. ********. Um… what else should I say? OH I need to ask you guys if my FF shows up automatically, whenever I look on my phone (now smashed to smithereens- pillows fights are very dangerous when you have biceps and are on rowing camp) or some other computer it says it doesn't exist. Please tell me if this happens to you. That would explain my very tiny (but MUCH appreciated) reviews, I see 1 chappie FF with 20 reviews. Or is mine just utterly crap? To all Gee Nics FF authors, how many hits are average? I am quite worried about the FF not showing up normally. If it doesn't, has this ever happened to any of you? If so how do I fix it? THANKS tell me anyway you find easiest. Btw pls excuse my French, I do not speak it. So mistakes-a-gogo I am sure!!**

**Luv **

**Mel**

**XXXXX**

_**2 minutes later**_

Well this is awkward. Just walking down the street in silence. I must say something. Something normal. Not mad. NORMAL. And not involving horns.

"I was walking down the street with my Nikes on!!"

Oh crap. That only achieved one of the thingys. Why did I sing?! Rollo started laughing and my stupid body didn't listen to my brain and started doing really naff, crap, Gangsta style dance walking. Rollo started laughing harder.

"With my Nikes on!!"

Damn! Tandem crap dancing! Nooo! Ahahahahaha!

_**1 minute later**_

Stopped dancing. Rollo is laughing his head off. So am I. The Blunder Boys are staring at us.

Rollo screamed, "AWE BLOKES!!"

They all scuffled off.

"What? Why did you say aware?"

"It's Gangsta Fresh."

"What does it mean?"

"I dunno. I think it means hello. In Gangsta."

"How would you know Gangsta?"

"I don't."

A bunch of oldies walked past. I turned to them, "AWE!!" and they just marched off. Haha!

_**5 minutes later**_

At Rollo's house. Its very normal. The house is spotless. Rollo walked in and kissed his mother on both cheeks and they chatted in French. No toddley folk and his mother is very beautiful. She had a heavy French accent and long black hair. She was dressed in a very sophis outfit.

She turned to me, "Hello, er, Georgia, I am Stephanie, Roul's mother. I 'ave to go now but zer iz food in ze, Roul _traduire 'cusine' en anlais_ –kitchen. Bye bye,"

And she waltzed out. Not really as that would be very weird. And something told me that this was not a weird house. A normal house. And no, I don't mean something literally told me that, I mean I just knew. No talking lamps here. And I am not Mystic Meg. Just leave it. Accept it, the house was normal. Normaller than Norma Normal. Who is not normal since what normal person is named Norma?! SHUT UP BRAIN YOU RAMBLE WORSE THAN JAS WHEN SHE FINDS A NEW KIND OF MOSS!!

"Question Gee, eat now or eat later?"

"Later."

"Can I offer you a drink?"

"Yes please. What have you got?"

"Hmmmm… I know for a fact we got Snapple."

"What?"

"Snapple. Kiwi and strawberry flavour. Its my favorite drink. Can't live without it. Mmm Snapple…"

And he wondered off into the kitchen. What fresh hell is Snapple?! I had seen a couple of lip gloss Snapple flavored but I had never tried it… I followed Rollo to the kitchen and saw him gazing into a huge fridge. One rack was filled with large, glass bottles that had a pink juice in it. The Snapple. (insert really crap music here ie dun dun dunnnn!)

"Here have one."

He closed the fridge and passed me a bottle. He had chugged almost a quarter of his in one go. Well one sip can't hurt…

_**5 seconds later**_

Holy this is heaven in a glass bottle! Phwoar!! I'm buying that lip gloss when I next see it!

"Blimey Rollo! This stuff is so good it should be illegal!"

"I know. What can I say? Snapple is the shizzit."

"Please don't talk Gangsta."

"Why not?"

"Masimo does."

"HAHAHAHA you serious?"

"Yessiree. As serious as buttered toast."

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

_**Rollo's room**_

Well this is, er, Rollo's room. Yes vair ,er, roomy. The walls are a dark red. And the bed has a black duvet. Um… posters, letters, piccies and other stuff is covering one wall. His room is not exactly neat but not really messy either. Kind of… lived in. There are lots of pictures on the wall. Some of him with the Gang, some with him and Dave (even the hippy one) and quite a few of him and I suppose his father, they had the same eyes. There was one of the Ace Gang all in our Viking horns.

"Where was this taken?"

"Oh that one… er some party."

It was quite a good picture. We were all linked up and Jas' horns were wonky. I was smiling all free and akimbo though my nose did not take over my nose. I was looking to the side. There was another one of the gang. But it was just me and Jas, it was quite funny really, Jas had her horns half way down one side of her face and was scowling. Her fringe was completely wonked up and covered her eye. I was looking straight at the camera and laughing. At Jas. It was a giggle though since my nose was not bigger than usual. It was a very good photo. But I don't remember getting it taken. But I looked good! For me anyway…

"No really, I don't remember."

"Yeah, I was taking pictures of everyone. You were so funny that night."

"Why?"

"You just were. Jas couldn't get her horns to sit on her head and, ah it was just so funny. You and Jas. Fighting. But not seriously. And you were being so silly. It really was fun."

"Oh…"

Awkward silence again. Wow we get a lot of these. But I will not break it this time. I always manage to embarrass myself.

_**30 seconds later**_

Still silence. Now he is staring at me again, its really annoying, I don't think he realizes how annoying that is. I'll show him. Him and his bloody stare. I'll stare back!! Mwahahaha!

_**5 minutes later**_

O my giddy God! Wrong move! I can now hear the call of the horn! Get thee behind me red bottom! But he is so gorgey… his eyes are so beautiful… kind of like ice… but more blue… and the way his hair falls… and his mouth all- NO NO AND THRICE NO!! GO AWAY HORN!! I will look away!

_**5 seconds later**_

I cannot look away. Its horrible. He just stood up and walked towards me. Still staring. Its like I am hypnotized. Oh my God he is sexiosity personified. No no no! I only like him as a friend! He was right in front of me now. Staring down at me. He is actually very tall. And I was staring up at him. Not good. At all.

_**2 minutes later**_

Oh no no no! Why am I snogging Rollo? Why don't I push him away? Why am I doing this when I know I don't like him that way? This is bad!! I am leading him on aren't I? I am technically cheating on Dave! NO NO NO!! Georgia grab the bison by the horns and stop snogging him! Now! NOW! Oh sod it. Jelliod knickers. And it's not even a number 5.

_**30 seconds later**_

Ok now it is. Mmm Snapple… NO GEORGIA NO! BAD BAD GEORGIA! Number 6…

_**2 minutes later**_

How did I end up against the wall? Oh yes, Rollo. Bloody hell… jelliod jelliod jelliod. Its actually beyond marvy wall snogging. It's like, er, marvy. Holy cow… I didn't realize how much taller than me he is… not until I ran my hands around in his hair. Not that I wanted to. Stupid body. Rollo does that varying pressure thing. Holy this is amazing. He did that lip lick thing, corrrr!!

_**1 minute later**_

He did that lip nibbling thing. He learns fast. Phwoar!! Though its not as good as Dave's… oh crap I feel guilty now. Dave. What kind of crap girlfriend am I? I pulled back. Not working. I am against a wall. I pushed Rollo away.

"No Rollo don't…"

"Nah uh. I will."

Snogging again. But he's snogging the living daylights out of me now. I can't stand. Well this is brilliant. Actually it is. I think my brain just switched off…

_**Half an hour later**_

How in the name of Rosie's beard did that happen?! I didn't think for like half an hour!! Then FINALLY I saw the picture of Dave on Rollo's wall, felt really bad and pushed Rollo off me. Hard. Then I started getting my stuff together.

"Oh my God oh my God oh my God oh my God oh my God…"

Rollo looked a bit dazed. Like someone hit him over the head.

"Wha?"

"I can't believe I did that I am such a bloody tart! I can't believe I did that to Dave! Bugger!! Crap crap crap!"

"You're not a tart."

I glared at him. He looked very upset, and a bit angry. Why?!

"You…"

"Don't blame this on me. You were just as bad as I was except YOU have a boyfriend."

Don't I know it. Holy cow I was going to blubb again. This is brilliant. I am finally off the rack of luurve and I blubb just as often. Crap crap crap.

"I know…"

"Oh God don't cry!"

"Just Dave and snogging and and OH GOD!"

He tried to give me a hug. I sort of jumped out they way.

"No Rollo, just leave me please."

He said bitterly, "You scared you won't be able to resist me?"

"I think I'll just leave."

"No stay. You can't always just run away Georgia. I have feelings too. Stop being such a coward. We have to talk about it sometime."

"It would help if you weren't so goddamn mean!"

"Me? The mean one? You just snog me then leave me hanging for your precious boyfriend who you are CHEATING on!!"

"Hey I don't want this! You snogged ME!"

"YOU LET ME!!"

We glared at each other. I went and sat on his desk chair. He sat on his bed.

He said really quietly, "Why Georgia?"

"What?"

"Why did you let me snog you? Why do you if you 'love' Dave?"

"I tried to stop you."

"You call that trying?"

Well, no, not really.

"Yeah…"

"You not getting off that easily. Just tell me honestly why you let me."

"I don't know!"

"You do. I'm not going to lie and neither should you, it doesn't solve anything."

I put my head in my hands. This is so hard!!

"I couldn't stop."

"What do you mean?"

"I just couldn't ok? You happy now? I'm just as confused as you are!"

"I doubt that. Just was it because of me or because of, well, the snog. I need to know Georgia."

"I don't know."

"You do! And I am sick of this! I don't know what to think anymore, Georgia, one minute you treat me like you don't like me the next you look at me like that then I snog you and you snog me back then you start going on about your bloody boyfriend! What is going on with you?!"

He was having a full on ditherspaz. At least he didn't pace like Tom. He just spoke really fast and low. He was staring at his lamp like he expected it to talk back to him.

"I don't know Rollo. I really don't. I don't want to do that to myself or Dave, especially Dave, but I just can't."

"Can't what?!"

"Help it."

"It?"

"When you snog me. I just… just oh God I don't know. I turn off. I don't think about it. And I don't know why. I don't think about what this must do to you or me or Dave. I just turn off."

Rollo was staring at me now.

"You telling the truth?"

I looked him in the eye so he could see I wasn't lying, "Yes"

He just stared at me, "And do you think that's because of me or the, uh, way I snog?"

"I… I… I think it's a bit of both."

He nodded. "How much of each?"

"Rollo I don't know! My brain does not provide a pie graph of these things! Or anything for that matter! I just don't know anything anymore!"

"So you don't know if you love Dave?"

"I do!!"

"You just said that you don't know!"

"I know that!"

"How? How do you know? What makes you so sure?"

"I just am. I know these things Rollo, we go well together."

"We would go well together."

"Just, please Rollo, drop that for now. I am with Dave regardless of what you and I would be like together. We not talking about that now."

"Well I want to talk about that now! And I think I deserve to know!"

"Know WHAT?"

"Why you chose him over me? What's he got that I don't?"

"I just do because I love him Rollo!"

"Why won't you even think about it?"

"I have had to before and I realized things Rollo!"

"That was before us!"

"There is no 'us'!"

"There is Georgia, and you know it. These things don't happen by accident!"

"So you planned this?!"

"NO! I mean hopefully you don't go around snogging every guy you meet!"

"NO!!"

"So just me?"

"Yeah… I mean besides Dave."

"Then there is an us!"

He had a point there. I looked down again. Dam him! Why couldn't he just leave me and Dave alone?!

"And I want to talk about that."

"You're doing the talking then. And be fair. Don't do that whole romantic thing."

"I don't do it on purpose. It's just what I think or feel so I will say what I want. Just listen and think about it. Please?"

"Fine."

"I don't know, blimey this is hard."

He lay back and stared at the ceiling. He sighed and closed his eyes.

_**3 minutes later**_

Rollo sighed again.

"Its just that I really believe that we should be together. I mean I feel like I can tell you anything, I don't have to prove anything to you beside that I think we should go out. I don't care what other people think of me besides you. Whatever I do I do it to show you that I am a good guy and that we should go out. I feel like you the first person that understands me, and I understand you, well most of the time. You just seem to know exactly what to say to me. Whenever I'm around you I am happy. I forget about my dad and Dave and all the other stuff. I enjoy myself. I am my old self, not this new, moody, depressed one. And I want to tell you about my dad and I want you to see my art and my lyrics. And when I see you it's like I forget about the rest of the world. They don't matter. But you do. And everything you do just, aw, I don't know, it makes me like you even more. And it's the stupid things, like you saying weird things or talking to your brain or whatever Jas says you do. It's torture having these feelings, but its amazing at the same time. Its like I can't stop, addictive, I know I should just leave you alone but I can't, I get moody and depressed and its like you the only person who can make these things go away. You, I don't know, have like a hold over me, you're like a blanket on a cold night. You don't make the cold go away but you make it easier to bear. I try Gee, I really do, but I'm very selfish that way, I want you even though it just hurts everyone. But your like a drug, the highs are addictive and I'm willing to put up with the damage for them. I don't know what to do with myself anymore. I can't stop. I know you don't want me to snog you, and I don't want to do that to you or Dave, but when I'm around you I don't do the right thing. Its like my body doesn't listen to my brain. You really are a drug, in every sense of the word to me, I can't get enough even though I know it doesn't just hurt me it hurts the people around me too. And I'm not being vain or anything but I really think that you love me back. Even if its just a little bit. Its there Georgia, and I know that. Its fantastic knowing that but its hell knowing that you just ignore it. Why do you do that?"

I was quite literally shocked into silence. I mean I know I love Dave, despite what Rollo thinks, but there is no denying that I like Rollo too. Just a teeny tiny bit. Its impossible not to when he says things like this to a girl. I'm willing to bet any girl would go weak at the knees if a boy said that to her. Especially if it was a boy like Rollo.

"I do it because I want things to work out with Dave. I love him Rollo, we fit together perfectly. And with me and you, well, I don't think we do. I'm sorry Rollo."

"We do. You just refuse to see it that way. I know we do. You think you fit with Dave, but you don't Georgia, you fit better with me. I won't give up, I can't. I don't care what I am doing to everyone, I need you."

"Rollo you can't say these things to me. You just hurting yourself."

"I know. But you need to know. I'm not going to go away. Not until you let yourself see what we would be like together."

"Rollo-"

"Don't Georgia. Lets just go eat. We still have to do our work."

_**Kitchen**_

Well this is awkward. But the food is delish. Truly. Some weird dish I can't pronounce. This silence gets to me. But I must say something weird. No, not weird. Normal. What is normal? Ummm… how many chins do you think Slim has?

"You have slim chins."

WHAT!? NOOOOOOO!!

Rollo started laughing.

"So do you."

_**10 minutes later**_

We have been discussing crap for the last ten minutes. Its pretty funny. But we really have to get to work now.

_**1 hour later**_

It's almost done now. And by some miracle Rollo is helping me with my Froggy homework.

"French is a stupid language."

"Ah but French blokes are very sexy, are we not?"

I gave him a look.

"And we have fantastic dancing skills. Well at least I do, should I entertain you with my sexy French dance?"

"Does it involve croissants or the Eiffel Tower?"

"No."

"Then it is not French."

"It is since I will be dancing it and I am French."

And he started wiggling and dancing. It was quite funny really.

"How is this helping my Froggy?"

"I am motivating you."

"It's not working."

"It is!! I can see it on your face. Its all excited and eager to learn."

"No. Its really not."

"Ah but it will be when I start to do the French Twist. It involves a baguette."

"Good Lord."

Are we never to be free?

_**5 minutes later**_

Rollo is dancing with bread. It is so bad.

"ROLLO STOP IT!!"

"Only if you let me help you with Froggy!!'

"FINE!!"

He stopped dancing and grinned at me.

"What?"

"You are excited and eager to learn."

"No."

"I will start my sexy French dance again…"

"Fine. I am."

"Haha!! I am a great teacher! You will learn from the feet of a French God!"

"You are not a god."

"But I am French."

There is no arguing with that logic.

_**Half an hour later**_

I have actually learned some Froggy. Rollo is surprisingly good teacher. But I must leave now or I will not get to visit Dave.

_**Dave's house**_

When I got to the door, Sophia answered and Matt ran out in the nuddy pants.

I said, "OH MY GOD Sophia do you need help catching him?"

"Why would I want to do that?"

"He's NAKED!!"

"I know that. If we restrain him we would be teaching him his body is something to be ashamed of."

Dave was standing behind her, rolling his eyes. Sophia was still rambling on about self esteem or some crap equally as boring. I smiled politely and pushed past her. I should ask her for help with my speech. Later.

_**In Dave's room, 5 minutes later**_

"Gee?"

"Yes Dave?"

"You have been crying. What did Rollo do? I won't get angry at you I swear."

"Its nothing, don't worry bout it Dave, its all good now."

I smiled. Dave was still being serious. No!! I wanted him to be funny and weird! Not all serious and nice! Damnination I feel guilty now! BUT I DID NOTHING!! Well nothing much!

"No Gee, I don't think its all good. Rollo won't leave us alone will he?"

"No…"

Dave sighed and I snuggled up to him. He put his arm around me.

_**10 minutes later**_

The snog tension is building.

_**2 minutes later**_

Dave said, "I have know all the words to Dancing Queen."

Then he started snogging me. What fresh hell?! Still fantastic snog. It was very slow. And sweet.

_**20 minutes later**_

I had that brain dead thing again. Gadzooks! But Dave had the better snog. If I have said it once I have said it a thousand times, Dave is a snogger of note. Truly tip top. When we stop snogging Dave did the starey eyes thing with me and said, "It's all good. We'll work it out Gee, I have a rather large amount of hair gel in today."

And just before I was going to ask him what in the name of pants he was going on about his Mutti walked in.

"Right I just wanted to know if you kids needed anything."

Dave said, "No."

"Nothing at all? Its getting quite late. I was wondering if Georgia wanted to stay for supper."

I said, "No thank you. I think I will be leaving now."

Dave said, "I'll walk you home."

Dave's Mutti shook her head and said, "You better take a jacket, David, its cold out."

Dave said, "Half an hour ago your youngest, a toddler, ran around completely naked. But you think I, a fully clothed, healthy, strong male teenager is going to get sick?"

Dave's Mutti tutted and said, "You not going out otherwise."

Dave groaned and grabbed a jacket off the floor. It was quite a nice jacket really. Black. For a boy Dave has very good taste. Not in a gay way though. Dave is not a homosexual. He is Jack the Biscuit. I wonder what kind of biscuit he is?

_**Walking home**_

Corr! Nippy noodles! Dave's Mutti was right its FREEZING! I was shaking so hard I was practically having a seizure.

"KittyKat? Is that some kind of new dance you doing there? The spazattack?"

"Gah! Nippy noodles! With knobs!"

Dave took of his jacket and gave it to me. It smelt all Dave the Laughy. Not like some other bloke. That would be tres tres weird. Dave wearing another blokes jacket. It was very warm. Dave held my hand.

"That better KittyKat?"

"Yeah thanks a million Dave."

"It suits you. In a large jacket way."

I looked down. The jacket was big on me.

"No serious. It does. It gives me the serious horn to see you in my jacket. Come here gorgeous."

And he gave me a quick number 5.

I said, "It's a very nice jacket."

"Thank you."

We walked on in silence. Dave looked so gorgey. He has such long eyelashes. All curly. And when he smiles the way his eyes sort of crinkle at the corners… I feel all mushy inside. And happy. Its like I still can't believe I am the girlfriend of the well known Laugh. I am Gee the Laugh. That is le fact. Accept it.

_**30 seconds later**_

Dave just span me into him and we are doing this weird tango type thing down the road. Its bloody hilarious. Though why in the name of WL hair extensions we are doing it is a mystery.

"DAVE!! Why are we dancing?"

"That is the question!"

"WHAT!?"

"Live and let dance is what I say!!"

He makes no sense. Though he did stop dancing.

"Where are we? This isn't the right road! I think you turned to early, I can see my school!"

"No this is just the quickest way to your house."

"But you always walk down my road, not this road! This is my schools road!"

"It is also 3 streets away from my house."

"What? I thought you stayed near me."

Dave blushed a little and looked at the road.

"Nah. I just wanted to walk you home. So I would walk to your house, walk back here and then walk home."

I was quite literally stunned into silence. I can't believe Dave would double his walk home for me.

"Dave that's sooo sweet!!"

"I know."

And that's when I snogged him.

_**1 minute later**_

This is so nice. Its like so, er, easy being around Dave, I don't have to say anything. We can just walk in silence and it wouldn't be awkward. Which was nice, all this non-awkwardness. When I turned to look at Dave he was looking at me. Oooh starey eyes!!

_**1 minute later**_

Ouch ouch! Bugger! I was looking at Dave and he was looking at me and we both didn't see the pole and I walked into it and fell. I think I broke my bum-oley!! Dave is laughing his head off and the prat poodles are barking their manic heads off. The bloody poodles are laughing at me!! Now they are howling. I think Angus and Gordy popped over for a little father-son biffing session. Yes yes. That is Angus' distinct yowl of triumph.

I said, "Dave! Stop laughing and help me up! I think I broke my bum-oley!"

"Sorry Gee, but that was HILARIOUS!!"

But he helped me up.

"KittyKat I was thinking tomorrow we could watch a movie at yours, I got a nice movie."

"Sure Dave, we can watch it after Rollo leaves. We still not done."

"Katie's doing ours. I am apparently to irresponsible."

"You are."

"But you love me anyways."

He is sooo vain! It kind of gives me the horn… just then Brothers Baldy and Beardo burst out of the house and into the garden. Vati went ballistimus.

"WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?"

"Dave's house."

"Oh. Call next time. We were expecting you half an hour ago, when your school ended."

"It ended 3 hours ago."

"Yes, well, call next time."

And he bustled back in with the backup loon.

"Well bye Dave."

"I think Eddy stole my comedy clown nose!!"

"What?"

"He was wearing it!"

"Yeah you can get it tomorrow Dave. Night, you better get going you got a long walk home."

"Its ok. I'll ran, or ride my noble steed."

"What?"

"My camel. Its name is John."

"You don't have a camel."

"I do. And he is getting impatient. I better leave."

He gave me a quick number 6 with lip nibbling and 'mounted' his camel. He turned around and said, "Huzzah! I am away on a fast camel!" then he ran off down the road.

_**8 pm**_

I will just wash up and go to bed. Nice and early.

_**1 hour later**_

All done! Now quick supper of Jammy dogers and bread and I am ready for bed.

_**Half an hour later**_

Right. The TV is on full blast but I have mentally erased it from my mind. On the plus side it means that all of family mad will not disturb me.

_**10 minutes later**_

Wrong. The cats are mighty comfy in my bed. All three of them. When I laid down they all assumed the most annoying places, one on my head, one on my feet and one sitting staring at me from my chest. (Thanks Angus). Lovely. I will never s-

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz


	14. Can You Say PRAT

Ah hello my petunias

**Ah hello my petunias. I am a bit stumped about what to write so I will open with a really crap joke, you ready? Yes! Say it louder!! … ok no, that is me after a gym session. All peppy and dying slowly by laptop while stuffing my face. Btw thanks to the reviewers! It made me all happy and inspired to write. I have abandoned my tres tres crap homework for you. Which spells detention in Zulu. You inspired me that much. May be a short chappy though, so I can update more often. Anyhoo. My beloved joke. That will hopefully inspire me. For today's chappy. Here it is. (I WILL DO IT NOW!) **

**Why did the beetroot blush?**

**Because it saw the… salad dressing!!**

**AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! I do luuurve that joke. A lot. But maybe you do not. Therefore one more joke. Yes, it involves fruit.**

**What is red and sits in the corner?**

**A… naughty strawberry!!**

**HAHAHAHAHA!! Yes these things amuse me. Accept it and scroll down. **

**Luv your unknown friend who is on a sugar high. **

**PS I am now a beta reader! So if you are brave enough… you know what to do. Though I don't know how to get a beta. Any help?**

**PPS sorry about the long update, school, training and MIDNIGHT SUN!! YES!! VIST STEPHANIES SITE!!**

**PPS I was very very sad to see some FF authors had almost directly copied me, can't you think of your own plot? I know it's the most sincerest form of flattery but please, get your own ideas. If you are thinking it is you, you are right. Please don't copy my plot.**

**PPPS last one. Thanks for all the reviews! I am sooo sorry for the late update, I've had silch time.**

_**Wednesday**_

_**10**__**th**__** August **_

_**8:20am**_

I woke up with Angus' bum-oley on my face and I thought I had died. Of cat butt lurgy. I would have screamed but I do not go for the mouthful of bum-oley effect. Instead I went ballistimus and flung Angus into the wall. Naomi and Gordy hissed at me and leaped out of the window like flying leaping mad cats. Which they are. Angus is doing that stare-insanely-at-badly-legs-one-while-she-gets-changed thing as revenge. It is very unnerving. He looks a bit like James when he does that. The cousin, not Libby's tinned beans. Maybe I have a perv cat? Stranger things have happened in this house.

_**10 minutes later**_

Oh yeah! Cat hat effect! Though it does make me look like I have zero volumosity whatsoever. And my luuurve bite has completely disappeared. Which is good, I was running out of concealer. Libby just ran into the room wearing an outfit that was made up of toilet paper. These are the things I have to live with. She started singing Nelly the elephant and dancing like a stripper. Clearly she has been around Uncle Eddy too much. I must leave. Now. I will steal some food from Jassy Spaz. This sort of thing could seriously jepo-whatsit my future. That is the fact of life. It is. I know it is a fact for a fact.

_**10 seconds later**_

Oh joy. Libby through James le tinned beans at me.

"FOR CHRISTS SAKE BAD BOY, I AM NOT FINISHED. BLOODY HELL!!"

I blame the olds entirely for her foul language. I grabbed my bag and ran for it.

_**Jas' house**_

Jas was doing the well known traditional dance of the prat. (ie flicking her fringe).

"Georgia! You are late!"

"Oui. You sounded like Hawkeye for a bit there Jassy Spaz."

"I don't like it when you call me that."

"Its better being a Jassy Spaz than a Spazzy Jas."

"What? That makes no sense!"

"Ah but it does."

"You are so immature."

"AH but you wear your ramblers badge on your school bag."

"It is nice."

"No it is swottish. And a bit prattish too."

"NO it isn't!"

I did a little cheerleader clap like in crap American films, "Can you say PRAT any louder??"

She glared at me. Quite scary potatoes.

"Sorry Jas. Your badge is beautiful and makes you more, errr, interesting."

She hmpfed and flicked her fringe violently.

She looked at me, "So?"

"So what?"

"I am not shutting up for nothing. You have to tell me everything that happened with Rollo. Now."

"I don't know if I could trust you…"

"I will show Dave the nuddy pants photos!!"

Wow ol' Fringey is very bribe-full. Yes that is a word, I made it up. Now. the very sad among you may point out that it is actually blackmail. WHO CARES!!

"That is not very reassuring trust-wise."

"TELL ME!!"

And she gave me the face of a evil vole. Which is actually spectacular, funniosity wise, but I didn't laugh because Jas is known to get very violent. I told her, it kind of spilled out like a spilling thing on spill day at a spilling fest. That is saying something _vis a vis_ le spillage. When I was down Jas did her well known goldfish imitation.

She said, "Bloody Hell!"

Unfortunately she said it just as we walked past Hawkeye. Hawkeye through a spectacular fit and gave her a bad conduct mark. Jas looked tres ashamed and all swotty.

_**Assembly**_

Blather on Slim. The Ace Gang have introduced a tres amusant concept to assemblies. When some fule is saying something we all nod at exactly the same time. Miss Stamp looks positively furious.

_**5 minutes later**_

Our nodding fiasco has caught on! We have two rows doing noddy in time! The Hitler Youth and their leader Adolfa look like they want to murder some poor innocent first former. Which is a shame since they are our strongest nodders. It is like an army of robot girls. Hehe…

_**10 minutes later**_

Slim has just hit the ballistimus stage _vis a vis_ head nodding. Her chins are wobbling so much I think they might just fall of. Erlack!! When she said that the whole assembly (not Hitler Youth and swots) nodded in exact unison. I thought Slim might blow a chin. And that would not be a thing of beauty. We might have to take cover to avoid the chin fat spray. ERLACK!!

_**5 minutes later**_

I was standing there being disturbed by my mental image when Rosie hit me over the head with a rubber chicken. Yes a rubber chicken. I jumped like a flying fish. I have no idea where she found it. She nodded and put it down her top.

"What was that for?"

"You must stop daydreaming about your boyfriend, it is very typico and wet."

"I was thinking!"

"OH MY GOD!! Its worse than I thought" and she took out the chicken and hit me again. Lord Sandra what fresh hell?! Then she gave me a look, put away the chicken and started singing (with added disco dancing). I noticed her stubble was no longer present.

"Rosie, what happened to your beardy-whatsit?"

"I shaved."

Of course.

_**After school**_

YES YES FREEDOM!! In French that would be, er, I don't quite know. Anyway my nub and gist is that I am free! The Ace Gang all ran out like they do in really crap movies. Until we saw Tom, Dave, Rollo, Sven and Dec waiting for us. Then Dave ran towards us, Rosie ran faster, Jas started attacking her fringe, Sven started going oh jah snog!!, Tom ran his hand through his hair and Mabs slowed down and tried to look cool. Until I pushed her in a bush. It was tres tres amusant. When Dave reached us he stopped in front of me and bowed like in crap martial arts movies then launched at me and pulled me into a bone crushing hug. Lovely.

_**Walking home**_

Hahahaha! Dave is such a laugh! He is wearing a 'Free Hugs' sign. But he won't let anyone hug him. Whenever someone wants a hug he says, "I am sorry but this offer is only valued to those who wear the PANTS of laughiosity." Or "I know I am sexy, but please contain yourself!!" or "Do I look like a homosexual to you?" they walk off looking very unloved. Which is quite a laugh since mostly the sad girls from school do it. ADM tried and Dave just gave her a look that said aaaahhh-knee-socks!! And ran. He hid in a bush and leaped on Tom when he walked past. Tom fell into a ditch. Jas went all fringey and started to tell off Dave but Dave just threw his sign at her. Tres tres amusant.

_**Home**_

This is just a smigdey widge awkward. You know. Come on! Use your egg! Not happening? Let me paint you a picture, even if you won't be able to see what it is since according to Arty Farty I have the creativity of an acorn. Which is not true. I am gifted in the way of the pen and paper. Not making them, fules, WRITING. Yes accept it. Now what was awkward? Your inquisitive minds ponder. Ah Dave, my boyfriend, being the picture of a good boy friend type (ie holding Libby in his arms and listening to her tell him the incredibly stupid story of Tinned James), Rollo, my wannabe boyfriend-type, looking around in horror and Eddy, the responsible, ahem, babysitter, lurking in the shadows like a bald lurker.

Eddy said, "Another one, Georgia?"

"Go away."

"Third one this week."

"What? No!"

"Yes. Third male. Though Davey boy is the only one who stays."

"Why are you hiding in the shadows?"

"That's not important. Ol' Dave there thought he could steal my wig and get away with it," he wiggled Dave's nose (the clown type, fools) in the air, "I guess he thought wrong."

Dave put Libby down, "Give me my nose!"

Eddy laughed, "You may think you're good. You are for your age, but I have been quite the comedian for quite some time."

Dave looked at Eddy, "What are you getting at, old timer?"

"I want to fight you, laugh to o-gram. Nose to wig. Boy to man."

He threw Dave's nose at him. Dave caught it. Baldy laughed and walked out of the house. Rollo and I stood there like spectators at a fight. There was a bit of a silence. Libby did her mad heggy hog laugh and ran out of the house after the o-gram.

I looked at Dave, "What just happened?"

"The Lone Baldy has declared war on yours truly."

It was like some crap cowboy film. But not.

"And that means?"

"I have to beat him. I must go contact my inner child."

He put on his nose and went to the tv room. I shook my head and started up the stairs to my room. Rollo followed.

_**Half an hour later**_

Me and Rollo were just working quietly and maturely (by that I mean he was and I was balancing a book on my head) when we heard it. And by that I mean Uncle Eddy screaming like a girl. Me and Rollo ran down the stairs at the speed of light (ish). We saw the Lone Baldy covered in flour and Dave laughing like a laughing thing. It was sooo funny. Libby got into the swing of things and started throwing her cats around with gay abandon. How they let her do that is a mystery. Dave put on a ABBA CD and then even The Lone Baldy did incredibly crap dancing, me and Dave were doing the tango and Rollo was staring at us. Then Mutti and Vati walked in. Mutti immediately started dancing with Eddy while Vati stormed into the lounge, what in the name of Big G's pants is going on with him?!

_**10 minutes later**_

We were just innocently watching Eddy and Mutti dance (which has destroyed what little innocence I have left) when Vati started to call us.

"GEORGIA! DAVE! Errr, YOU! COME HERE THIS INSTANT!!"

What in the name of Lord Sandra's beard?! What could he want with us?

_**Half an hour later**_

Well that was, errr, interesting in a pointless way. Vati was smoking a cigar like El Crappio and had his rather, revealing leather trousers on. Erlack! He told us he thought he hadn't been thorough enough in interviewing Dave. What Rollo was there for is a mystery to both man and fish alike. It was very stupid. Vati asked all these really crap questions like 'What do you want to do for a living?' etc etc. It was all tres tres tiring. He seemed to like Dave. Rollo just sat there like a French Goosegog. Vair vair pointless. It all came to a rather spectacular finish when Angus leaped through the window behind Vati and started to attack his jumper from behind. Vati went ballistimus and we took this opportunity to escape to my room. It was pointlessiosity and poo city with a goosegog on top.

_**5 minutes later**_

We were just in my room, Dave the Laugh was lying down on my lap and Rollo was busy working, when Mutti decided to thrust her nungas and self at us. It was quite literally terrifying since she had a top on that was cut so low you could see her stomach.

"Hello boys, Georgia, I was just wondering if you would like to stay for supper?"

Supper? What does she mean 'supper'? Does she want me to live a lonely life (or become a lesbian rambler) since she will most probably poison my two boy type things. That sounds wrong. And a bit French. I meant my boyfriend and his friend. Who loves me. oh poo.

Dave said, "Ah yes please."

Rollo looked a bit moody and said, "You can't. it's your parents' anniversary."

Dave looked a bit confuzzled, "Oh yeah right. How do you remember that? Are you my personal stalker type?"

"No. Your mother told me to remind you. She knew you would forget."

"Right… then I best mount my camel. Bye Gee, I'll see you tomorrow."

He gave me a peck then galloped out.

Rollo looked at me, "I think I'll stay, Mrs Nicolson."

"Ooooh! That would just be so cool!" and she walked out. Oh nooo! She said 'cool' like a old, prozzie-type chav!!

_**One hour later**_

The project is finito. And I can say in brutal honesty with a clear conscious that it is quite literally the most fabby, marvy, brillio pads thing since purple nail polish. It actually makes me want to, er, be fire informed. Rollo is going over my speechy thing now. He's been a bit silent shoes today. I wonder what's up his PANTS? Errr…. No wait! That came out so wrong! Ooooo-eeeerrr!

_**30 seconds later**_

He is done now but is just staring at the paper like a seeing-eye dog who is trying to read. But he is not a dog and can read so he shouldn't be doing that. It is wrong. Not right. Wrong. As in 'oh did you hear about the ostriches who try snog people? That's not right.' Kind of WRONG or- SHUT UP!!

I said, "Rollo? What's wrong? Is my handwriting that bad?"

He looked up, "No. I was just… thinking."

"About?"

"You know. Us, the depleting ozone layer, the price of potatoes."

Not this again. I will use my loon laugh to distract him.

"AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHHAAAAA!!"

He looked at me as if I had just declared my undying love for George Bush.

"… what?"

"HAHAHAHA!!"

"What you laughing at?"

Ummm… nothing. I stopped laughing pronto.

"Oh I was just remembering this joke."

"What joke?"'

"Uh… I forgot it now."

"Right…"

"Yip pip. Do you want anything to drink?"

"Yes please. I'll just go over this again…"

I walked out and was practically ambushed by Mutti.

"Who's he?" she whispered.

"Rollo. Dave's friend. I'm with him for the project."

She giggled. I kid you not. Giggled. Like a sad teenager. "He is quite literally _gorgeous_ Gee!"

I looked at her. She is married and triple his age. "You should take this time to get to know each other!"

I was HORRIFIED! "MUTTI!! I got Dave!"

"Yeah but this Rollo chap is such a nice boy!"

I gave her a look and she giggled off. What is wrong with her? Can she not leave anything with a trouser snake alone? She'll be after Angus next.

_**10 minutes later**_

I may have to spend a large portion of my life in an asylum now. Like that person in that movie with some actress in it. The Whatsit. I just walked all happy and untarnished and so forth into the kitchen and found a pink, round, shiny thingy staring at me. It turned out to be El Baldy shining his head, apparently he has to go to work tonight. Erlack. And that's when he told me just about the worst news ever. He is growing a beard. Can you imagine? A baldy with a beard? Does he want to resemble a beaver? Or whatever it is fat, bald men resemble when they grow beards? I grabbed two glasses and poured me and Rollo water. Just then the phone rang. Naturally all the olds were to busy being old to answer.

"Hello Happy Clappy Asylum. How may we help you?"

"It is I! Great Wearer of the PANTS!"

"Dave?"

"OUI!! I have news so great you'll be forced to take a drug test after I tell you!!"

"Quoi?"

"MY STITCHES COME OUT TOMORROW!!"

"Yayayayayay!"

There was a bit of silence.

"Dave? What are you doing?"

"Ahhh I am dancing. Join me."

I started doing a bit of the Viking Inferno. Vati and Rollo walked in. Rollo started laughing and Vati went ballistimus.

"WHAT THE BLOODY HELL ARE YOU DOING?! YOU PAY FOR PHONE CALLS YOU KNOW!" and he raved on about money and how in his day they had no phones and had to use pigeons or something to that effect. He is such a hypocrite. I am still on the phone while he lectures me. He bustled out mumbling something about the Stone Age.

"Sorry Dave, I have to go. I may have wasted a penny."

"Ah we wouldn't want that. Love you KittyKat."

"Yeah I love you too."

"I'll see you tomorrow. I'll bring the video. We might get a chance to watch it then."

"Ok."

"Bright and early. All keen and eager."

"Early?"

"Yes."

Vati shouted from somewhere, "I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU TO GET OFF THAT BLOODY PHONE!!"

How rude he is.

_**6pm**_

Sitting in my room with Rollo is not all too awkward. We talk. A lot. Well Rollo does. Mostly about his Vati. I just nod. I should become a shrink. Not a tiny person, fule, a psychologist. Yes. I am vair vair filled with patienosity and caringosity. Which is not easy to say. It is vair easy to be a shrink, all I do is nod and occasionally say, "Yes. How does this make you feel?" and Rollo starts off again. He seems to enjoy rambling on about his Vati. And strangely I enjoy listening to his stories. Possibly because they do not involve newts or voles. Or badgers. Or cuckcoo spit. Or- just shut up now brain. Good brain.

_**Half an hour later**_

Rollo has shut up and is looking at me now. Noooo! I looked out the window and saw the unfortunate sight of Mr. Next Door beating Angus and Gordy with a broom stick. He is a kitty cat abuser of the first water. The father-son duo did not seem to mind though. Their fuzzy brains probably thought it was some game. They enjoy all the tough love the neighbourhood gives them. The are truly an inspiration to us all. Even though they are victims of attempted murder they see the potential and goodness being beaten with a broom is. I don't know how or why they do it but they do. Naomi is watching like a slutty cheerleader.

"Gee?"

I had almost forgotten Rollo was here. He was being all starey and serious.

"Yeah?"

"Thanks. For listening. You are such a good listener."

Ha! Tell ol' Big Knickers that! I smiled like a pathetic elf.

"No it was interesting, your Vati seems like he was a nice, good guy."

"He was. I wish he could have met you."

Well what do you say to that? I almost started my loon laugh. Almost. Instead I took the Dr. Phil of Shite approach and nodded. He came and stood next to me.

"Thanks Gee." He said again softly.

I nodded. It was quite awkward sitting down with Rollo staring down at me so I stood up. He gave me a hug. He didn't really let go though. It was quite the rom com moment. Eventually he let go but he sort of held my hand. It was a bit of jelliod knickers. He leaned in and gave me a kiss. Not even a snog just a little kiss. I still went completely jelliod and nearly fell over. I leaned away from him.

"Oh right. Your bloody boyfriend." He dropped my hands a bit swiftish and went to the other side of the room. He is el moody pants personified. Mutti yelled at us to come eat.

_**8pm**_

Supper was a heat up Shepard's pie. I was quite literally shocked at finding something edible. Eddy was 'at work' (ie stripping) and some sad game was on the tellie so it was just Mutti, Rollo and I. but me and Rollo weren't talking. And Mutti was very annoying. We all ate very fast and Rollo left soon after that. He didn't even say goodbye. Well he said goodbye but that was it. I felt a bit mean and sad. I don't want to be mean to Rollo. He mustn't be mad at me. But I don't want to lead him on. I'm not leaving Dave. He is my one and only love. My betrothed. Amour. Significant other and all that Jas. But Rollo must still not be mad at me! And Robbie mustn't be mad at me!

_**5 minutes later**_

How did Guitar Pucker get into this?!

_**10 pm**_

Naturally Libby has gotten all her toys in my bed of confusionosity and pain. Also Dave luuurve. She turned to me, "Gee I lobe you. I lobe Davey. I lobe Gordy. I lobe Mum and Uggy and I lobe James."

She tilted her head to the side and appeared to think. What the hell?!

"Davey lobe you. You lobe Davey. Rolling lobe you. Oh dear."

What?! How does Libby know this?!

"Libby who said Rollo lobes- loves- me?"

"Me. He lobe you!"

Even my mad sister noticed.

"I make poo in my jimjams. Oh deary deary me. oh dear Ginger."

Nice. I got new sheets and dumped a pooey Libby by Mutti. I put my cupboard against my door and started my meditation. Oooohhhmmmm…

_**15 minutes later**_

Now that I am all calmy calm calm like Buddha I will go to bed. I will drown out the sounds of Vati's crap music with my calmosity. Ooohhhmmm…


	15. Oohh Fringey One

**Sawubona amabali wami**

**Yes my Zulu sucks but I cannot be bothered to go find out the correct possessive for flower. So you are stuck with wami. I hope you will one day heal the pain I have caused you with my bad Zulu. In the mean time I apologize for a short chappie that took forever. I had no time and my internet was broken. Thanks for the reviews guys, it makes me all warm and fuzzy inside :) this is a crap chappie, not very funny, but the next will be better. I promise. I have made Gee quite mature and bitchy in this FF, I noticed when I was reading it over the other day. I hope no one will murder me in my sleep for it. Also I am a bit emo at the mo since we were in RE discussing the 10 commandments and the 7 deadly sins and I realized I am going to hell. I have broken almost every sin. Poo. Ah well live and let live I say!! Btw I checked out Trampy Mouses art and you should too, its brilliant. I am sorry about my gee-isms. I have americanised her. I am thinking of sending her on holiday to South-Africa to introduce you and Gee to our wonderful language. It is a language in its own. Give me some feedback on that please. Also I am sorry for babbling. And I promise the next chappie will be long, funny and interesting. Though it will take time. would you guys prefer it in quick, short, segments? Or a nice, long one? Tell me. I appreciate it. You are the people, I give you what you want. **

**Non lezzie love mel**

**Xxxx (not lezzie, again)**

_**Thursday **_

_**10**__**th**__** August **_

_**7am**_

Well this is a change. All bright eyed and bushy tailed. No, I do not own a tail, nor am I bushy. Accept it. It is an expression. Like – oh sod it. Fule. My point I was awake. Early. Like a lark. Ie Jas. I shall take this time to do calmy calm yoga. Ooohhhhmmm… yesss ohhhmmm… I am on a calmy calm beach… Ooohmmm… there is a slight breeze… ooohmmm… I am all aloney and on my owney… oooohhhmmm… it is nice and warm… ooohhhmmm… I am completely naked… why yes KittyKat, aren't I having a lucky day!!… No no no! Get out of my yoga head Dave! No Dave the Laughs on Gee's personal nudist calmy calm beach! I am meditating! Out!

_**2 minutes later**_

Right… ooohmmm… I am on the beach in my undies… ooohhhmmm…

_**10 minutes later**_

Right all calmy calm now. I think I will just go down and eat.

_**5 minutes later**_

Oh humbug! No food. Again. I knew last nights meal was just a stoke of luck. Not a stroke of unluck. Being given a stroke with a cane for not behaving is unluck. So is not having breakfast. How does Vati maintain his shape with no food around? I bet Mutti stores the food in their room and Vati eats it all after a hard day of drowning people's houses. He is sooo selfish.

_**2 minutes later**_

I shall do my froggy homework. That is the sadnosity of my life. Waking up early and doing homework. I shall start wearing knee socks soon.

_**1 minute later**_

On second thoughts, no. I am not that sad. Even in my current state of (calmy) mind.

_**5 minutes later**_

My froggy homework is writing a letter in froggy to my beloved. How ironic, the male who is my froggy homework lover is called Rolandè. Or Daniél. Who should I write to?

_**1 minute later**_

Rolandè. I do not like the name Daniél. It is gay.

_**20 minutes later**_

I am done. It is a froggy masterpiece. This should make me top dog in froggy again. Not that I am of the female dog variety. I am just the best at froggy. That is lé fact. I am not being vain. It is a fact. Like the fact that I am late for school. I shall run.

_**5 minutes later**_

Buddha's bra!! Dave the Laugh is sitting on my wall! He has a big bunch of flowers! He looks a bit pissed off though… Dave the Unlaugh.

I said, "Dave! You shouldn't have! These are just beyond fabby!"

He looked even more Unlaughy, "I never."

What?! I took the flowers and opened the card,

_Dearest Georgia_

_I am so so sorry for leaving you like that! I promise never to do it again! I realize now how much you mean to me! Please forgive me and give me a second chance. _

_Robbie _

_Xxx_

Oh my God. I stood there showing my fishy face to the card. No I did not miraculously turn into a fish. I opened and closed my mouth like a fish-type does.

Dave was looking at me, "Who sent them? Rollo?"

"Errr, no. Robbie."

"What?!"

"He says he wants to get back together."

"Oh so was I just the Herring again?!"

"NO Dave! I don't want to get back with him!"

He was trying to get up but his blazer was stuck.

"You can't keep doing this to me Georgia, its not right to use me!"

"I never! I don't want Robbie! I want you Dave. I can't believe you would think that of me!!"

And I got into my huff mobile and huffed off. Stupid bloody Dave. He can stay attached to the wall for all I care. No wait, that's my wall! Still he can stay there till the olds free him. I'm not helping.

_**1 minute later**_

I was just huffing along when Dave grabbed me. He spun me around and looked at me. He was getting a bit like Rollo with all the staring.

"Do you mean that?"

I glared at him, "Duh. How could you think that?"

"You've done it before."

"I was stupid. And I didn't know you then."

"So you pick me over Robbie?"

"Yes."

"Masimo?"

"Yes."

"Rollo?"

"Everyone Dave! Do not list the whole of England, I may be forced to duff you up!"

And so he snogged me.

_**School**_

Late. You think Hawkeye would appreciate me doing my homework but no! I get a bad conduct mark. That is fascists for you. All 'do your homework!' Until you do it then its all 'bad conduct mark for you!'

_**Froggy**_

Madame Slack was so surprised at me handing in my homework in time that she fell off her chair.

"Who did you steal zis from, Georgia?"

I laughed attractively, "Haha! No one!"

She said my name all froggy like, gzz-or-ee-gzi-ah! It was quite sophis.

"'Ow did you do it zen? 'As Raul been 'elping you?"

Leave me alone. No wonder I never do my homework. It brings nothing but trouble.

"_Oui Madame_."

And I skaddadled off. Unfortunately not fast enough since Madame Slack went, "Ohawhaw! _Zut alors_! I zink you must be tutored by Raul more often! You do more homework that way.."

"Err, _non_. It is fine. _Parlez –I- francis. Tres bonne_."

"No no! I vill ask Raul to be your tutor. Your French can only improve, no?"

No. It will NOT improve. It will get worse since my new tutor hates me. but I nodded like a noddy thing. When I got back to my chair the Ace Gang were all agog. Let them suffer. I am suffering.

Rosie said, "What was that about?"

"My new froggy tutor is Rollo."

So much for letting them suffer the suspense of it all. Stupid mouth.

"Why?"

"Apparently I do my homework when he helps me."

"YOU did YOUR homework?"

"Well, I didn't do yours!"

"Swot."

Then Jas got involved about the importance of homework in our daily lives etc etc. Vair vair boring and sleep-making.

_**After school**_

Madame Slack was so overjoyed at me doing my homework that she called the Foxwood's froggy teacher immediately to ensure that Rollo as my tutor. That is the sad kind of life she lives. Unfortunately Mr. Froggy got Rollo to say yes and he is getting extra credit. Or community service hours. I am officially a charity case. And I have to be tutored by Rollo twice a week. Merde. Also shiussen. Wait till Herr gets a whiff of the tutor thing. I will end up with Sven tutoring me as well. And no one wants that. Besides Rosie. Or possibly the swots who want to do well in German. Luckily there were no boys waiting for us after school so we could do really ad-hoc dancing to 'aggadoo' when we walked past the music store. I like to think it impressed the shoppers and encouraged them to buy the cd. That is what I like to think. Unfortunately Masimo rode past on his sad vespa thingy. He is sooo sad. He wasn't wearing a helmet again. He stopped and laughed at us until Ro-Ro hit him on the head with the rubber chicken. Good. He glared at us and drove off. He put his helmet on though after Ro-Ro tried to get another swipe in.

_**Home**_

All aloney. On my owney. Unless you count swiss family mad, I don't. they are out cleaning the clown car. How sad is that? Vair vair sad is the correct answer. I wonder where in the name of lord Sandra Dave is?

_**10 minutes later**_

To get his stitches out. I remember now. I am the all knowing oracle of knowledge. Make not an oyster of me.

_**6pm **_

After about a hundred years Dave showed up all stitchless. Yay! Snog fest! He had some horror film with him. He is sooo transparent. Clearly he wants me to get all scardey pants and snuggle into him. Still why protest to two hours of snuggling Dave?

_**15 minutes later**_

He even brought popcorn! He is sooo sweet. I love him for that. We had a blanket and closed all the curtains and everything. He's putting the movie on now.

_**Half an hour later **_

I may never sleep again. This movie is petrifying. I am hiding in Dave.

"You scared Gee?"

"Nuuunngh!"

"I'll protect you from the baddies don't worry…"

Then we started snogging. Mmm no stitches… number 3. Times about a million. Jelliod.

_**5 minutes later**_

Number 5.

_**3 minutes later**_

Number 6.

_**10 minutes later**_

Number 7.

_**15 minutes later**_

Number 8! Under blankets! I am such a sex kitty!

_**Half an hour later**_

Typical of El Baldy to walk in on us and pour water all over Dave when we were snogging. I started screaming and Dave fell off the couch. Baldy just laughed and walked out again laughing like a bald coot. Two coots in fact. Topped with a crap Hawaiian shirt. Dam him. Dave is all wet now. He is dancing to the scary music from the film. I am laughing like a loon. Dave is such a laugh. That is why I am laughing, because I have a laugh-making boyfriend. Lorra lorra larfs with. And he is tip top snogging wise. Nib libbling…

_**One hour later**_

Me and Dave have been talking. Well after the horror finished. We talked. Its weird, I had forgotten how easy it was talking to him. It so nice having a boyfriend type who is also your best boy mate. And sensationally mad. Though not Sven style mad. That is just arb. I question their sanity. And I am watching my boyfriend chase Libby as the 'blanket monster'. Oscar, aka perv boy or James junior or junior blunder boy, is watching the whole scene through the now open curtain. Go away. I shall set my cats on you and no one wants that. Go! I shall use my telepathic mind power… go away!! Yes yes. He has buggered off to go choke on a cigarette somewhere. Or do keepie-uppies. Good. I wonder where the olds have gone? They are usually too interested in my life to leave me alone for 5 minutes. Now that I have a boy-type they bugger off all the time. Not that I am complaining. I do not miss the sight of Vati's jogger bums or Mutti trying to offer relationship advice that is utterly useless. In fact I may just write a thank you note to Baby Jesus. He has been very nice to me lately, besides the Rollo thing. I shall go to church on Sunday, call-me-Arnold cannot ban me from church. Even if according to him I performed attempted murder in the pray chapel. It was the pensioners fault for wearing a long, flammable head scarf. Even Elvis would agree that it is a fire hazard. And I say that with the clearest of consciousnesses. I know, big word.

_**5 minutes later**_

Phone is ringing. Typically no one bothered to answer it. I am forced yet again to be a bad hostess and leave my guest alone in the tv room. I will have to snog him to make him forgive me.

"Oohh Fringey One. I need your help."

I said, "You mistake me for a prat. I am Georgia, not Jas."

"Oh. Any who. I am Rosemary Mees, calling in my time of need."

"And what would that be?"

"My cousin is coming over. She is tres tres weird."

"That is a bit rich coming from a Viking Bride."

"Rich? This is a matter of the heart, not money."

"Does she love Sven as well?"

"No. She has pogonophobia."

"What?!"

"I know it is too tragic."

"She is afraid of pogonos?"

"No. it is a fear of beards. I cannot wear my beard when she arrives."

A fear of beards. Honestly. She should be kept far far away from my Vati then.

"Oh how tragic. I cannot imagine how you will survive."

"I will tell her to her face she can shove her phobia up her bum-oley! She will NOT make an oyster of me!"

And she slammed the phone down. Anything to help a friend in need. Dave was doing his version of the Macarena to ABBA when I got back. How he managed that is a mystery unsolved.

_**8 pm**_

I feel like death. All tired and, er, tired. Like a tired thing on tired day. In the middle of the night. Dave has gone home. After endless hours of snogging. And discussing pogonophobia. Yes accept it. I think I shall just have a snooze while Libby is busy, er, eating my knickers it looks like. Erlack!!

_**Half an hour later**_

Right I am ready for bed. All clean and tired and…er… yeah. I shall lie down in my bed of pain and confusionosity. I shall think about all the possibilities of the lads at Stalag 14 tomorrow.

_**10 minutes later**_

Wrong move. I am a red bottomed minx even in my mind. Get out of my head Rollo!! I do not want you there! At all! Even if you are in top 3. I shall use my new found telepathetic connection to banish you from my mind. Be gone, frenchie!! Concentrate, Georgia, find your inner Mystic Meg…

_**5 minutes later**_

Fat chance. And I do mean fat. Vati walked in and started to tell me about his youth. I politely shoved him out and locked the door. And by locked I mean pushed my wardrobe against it. I am going to get man arms. All this heaving of cupboards against doors morning and night. There is stones flying through my window. Have the furry freaks grown thumbs?!

_**15 minutes later**_

It was Robbie. I politely told him I love Dave and he is last weeks marsupial. He stormed off and I had to throw the stones back out the window again. It is the middle of the night, what was he thinking?! Oscar was watching us through his window. Merde. I wonder if that is what he does all day and night. Watch me. I may be forced to close my curtains and never see the light of day. In my bedroom anyway. I wonder what else he has seen?

_**5 minutes later**_

Erlack! Ok I really don't!

_**1 minute later**_

Why can I not escape pervs? It is unfair. Jas never gets James or Mark Big Gob or Junior Blunder Boy. All she gets is Tom. And he only pervs over moss and twigs. She is so lucky. Normal. She had a normal upbringing, she was not dragged up by loons getting knocked out by her Mutti's nungas with her Vati's conk in her eye and pervs leering at her nungas. Since she has no nungas. Well not gigantibus nungas. Small nungas.

_**10 seconds later**_

Why am I thinking of Jas' nungas? Am I on the turn?

_**1 minute later**_

No, I love Dave. A lot. He is the salt to my pepper, the cheese to my ham, the eggs to my bacon, the bee to my bird. OO-ER!!

_**5 minutes later**_

I really should sleep. Now.

_**20 minutes later**_

I am so over this insomniac thing. I may start to write poetry to find mental and spiritual healing. Or meditate. I was nearly asleep. Then I had a thought. One that said, where does your mind disappear to when you sleep?! And I was awake like an awake thing again. Sacre bleu.

_**5 minutes later**_

Ooooohhhhmmmm…..


	16. Prithee Be It Fridayee

Prithee be it a Fridayee

**Hello all**

**I shall update tomorrow as well. No matter how much I have. After my little comp. or the next day. I promise soonio. Enjoy this and review please. I will not bribe you like some authors. That is sooo mean. But I would like some reviews. Please? Also I had a uncontrollable laughing fit today. Not fun. My teacher tried to make me do a drug test. That is the sadnosity of my life. Can anyone guess where the song Gee sings to Rollo comes from? If you can you will get the next chappy first and exclusively. That is a promise. Write it in your review! :) enjoy, my petunias, enjoy. And sorry it took so long.**

**Mel**

**Xxx (you should know by now, Non lezzie, sorry to disappoint)**

**Ps: I have a live journal. Go to my profile if you interested and vote in my poll while you are there please.**

_**Prithee be it a Fridayee**_

_**8am**_

I have awoken to… silence. Something is not rightio in the land of loons. I went downstairs and saw Mutti and El Baldo sitting in the kitchen. Why we even have a kitchen is a mystery. Its not like we actually use it. It could be like my own suite. It could have a telly and a couch and, er, a rug and only me and _mes_ pallies and my lovely boyfwen could go in it. Not Libby and her pooey things. Or Vati and his sad sad leather trousers. Or Eddy and his cod piece. Maybe Mutti if, ok no not Mutti either. Or the cats. It would be my tres coolio pad and would practically reek of sophistiosity and normalosity and not poosity like it would if Libby was allowed in. I was just standing there trying to decide where I would put my double cool with knobs-type bean bag when Mutti said that James was going to the navy. I nodded like a nodding thing and told her and Eddy I wish him and all who sail through him luck. She nodded back and Eddy joined in with an improvised sort of nod-shrug. It was like a nod fest. I grabbed a piece of slightly moldy bread to ward of hunger and ran out the door like a fast spotty giant cat type. A cheetah I think. Only not spotty or giant or cattish. I am not of the feline variety despite what Libby thinks.

_**Jas' house**_

Jas is so excited she is red. It is tres tres and thrice tres sad. Also she is all tarted up. well as tarted as Jas does get tarted up since Hunky likes his Po 'natural'.

"Ooooo! Gee I am sooo excited!!"

"You can tell me what about this time, right?"

"Yes!!"

"Well, about what then? Have you and Hunky found a new kind of stone or something?"

"Errr… no but we do have the boys over today in school and we get to do our presentations and we got invites to Katie's party tonight and-"

I put my hand over her mouth sharpish. She immediately got in a bit of a huff. And also BUGGERATION ON A HIGH I forgot about the boys! Now that I look like the bride of Dracula or Frankenstein or Wilma the Wombat and there are boys and MY BOYFRIEND in my school. Perhaps I could persuade Jas to lend me some make-up…. and by that I mean steal it out of her rucky when she isn't looking. She would give me some lecture on hygiene or something equally boring if I asked. And no one wants that.

"What did you say about Katie and party?"

"Mmmmmm!"

"Errr… right. Now tell me my fringey friend."

"NO! You are too selfish and immature and self obsessed and silly and vindictive and you are promiscuous and a liar and a tart and a horrible friend and-" I shoved her down the hill and into a ditch. How dare she! And she calls herself my bestey! I would rather have a slimey, wet octopus as a friend!! Er.. wait. No I wouldn't since the only slimey, wet octopuss I know is Wet Lindsay and I would pick le Fringed Vole over her any day. No matter how annoying she is. I would take a thousand Jas' over Wet Lindsay. But Jas is still a recipient of my cold shoulder because she is full of WUBBISH!!

_**5 minutes later**_

Typico of the Blunder Boys to harass me now. They are in the park again like sad park people, or the homeless. Oscar is with them.

When I walked past they all started to sing, "Give us a snog, a snog, a snog, give us a snog you lovely lady of mine!!"

Then laughing like the retards they are. What larks. I ignored them and walked off in a dignity-at-all-times sort of way. Unfortunately they didn't get the hint and one with terminal acne of the entire head said, "Flash us your nungas!"

I gave them the look of death and he shut up. It didn't stop Mark though.

"I see you have been playing the field again, Georgia. Seems every man can get what he wants from you. Your nungas."

"GO AWAY"

"Come on Georgia, its not like we haven't done it before…"

AAAAHHHH!! Nooo!! I do NOT want this to happen! All his stupid mates were sniggering like proverbial drains (which they ARE).

"GO AWAY! I will get Dave again…!"

He walked right up to me and said quietly, "Whahey! Why don't you just get that Rollo guy? That's right, I saw you and him in the library. And its your boyfriends friend isn't it? What do you think will happen if I tell him?"

Oh God. I never thought I would see the day when Mark Big Gob had some dirt against me.

"Go away NOW."

"Hahaha. I don't think so. You gotta do what I want you to do innnit?"

"No. Go away."

"You do. Or I'll tell Dave."

"Go away!!"

"Is that what you REALLY want me to do?"

Argh he is such a bloody annoying SPOON. I was just going to tell him to stuff a pear up his bum-oley when no other showed up than Jas and Rollo. Why? Was it the angry brigade or something? I think I shall just buy a canoe and canoe to frogs-legs-a-gogo land with Dave, they cannot be forced to put up with this, they are too sophis and French. Errr, hang on, I have no money. I will have to build my boat and live off the land. Dave could do his comedic act and I could be the back up dancer. Wait… no one speaks English in France, so no one will understand Dave; we will have to rely on my excellent dancing skills. Or stay in Billy Shakespeare Land. How disappointing.

Rollo said, "What's going on here?"

Mark smirked and said, "I was just telling Georgia here what I saw in the library."

Jas nodded like a vole in gigantibus knickers. Why? Rollo glared at MBG.

"And what would that be?"

"Oh I think you know EXACTLY what I am talking about. I was just looking up kissing."

Rollo gave him the look of death. Scary potatoes. It's a good thing Jas was so dim she hadn't caught on yet. Rollo had though.

"You tell ANYONE and you won't be able to talk again for a long, long time."

Mark looked like he was going to say something then (wisely) thought better of it.

He said, "Just remember Geor-"

"GO AWAY!!"

"I'm just-"

Rollo stood right in front of him, "Go."

Amazingly Mark turned and ran. Wow. Jas ran after him going, "Mark! Mark! Wait I need to discuss our project with you!!" the rest of the Blunder Boys ran off too. Just me and Rollo. How nice.

I said, or tried to say, "Tha-"

"Don't."

And he walked off. Someone is huffy isn't he? I looked at my watch and ran/walked after him. Why? Because we were late that is why! And all because of Mark, Hawkeye was going to castrate me or set her army of loyal prefects on me to tear me limb from limb or put me on care taking duties with Elvis… I don't know which is worse…

_**School **_

Amazingly Hawkeye isn't on duty. Miss Wilson is. It is a gift from Baby Jesus. She stumbled along with some sad excuse of a lecture and told us to run to assembly. I will say it again because it is as true as the sky is blue; I blame Mark. Entirely. He is devil spawn and also a prat and a dimwit and a _shuissenkop_ of the first water.

_**Assembly**_

Dave looked a bit funny when I walked in with Rollo. I went and stood by him. I may or may not have shoved Ellen rather hard to get to him. But all is fair in love and war. Slim was blathering on about how we are all going to die someday and so we better make something of ourselves etc etc. It was sooo depressingly sad. And hypocritical. She was saying how it was always her dream to open up a girls torture chamber. That shows how sad she is. Rosie leaned over to me and said, "If successful people look like Slim then I am destined for failure."

How true, how very true. Miss Stamp was on high lesbian alert since the boys were here, all bristly mustache and glaring like someone had farted under her nose. O joy unbounded. Rosie's beardy stubble is there, bearly.

_**5 seconds later**_

Or should I say BEARDY THERE!!

_**10 seconds later**_

Errr, no I think not. Still ahahahaha!

Dave whispered to me, "Why are you laughing, KittyKat?"

"I have a song in my heart Hornmeister…"

"Yes and what is the song?"

"It is the well known song of the daffodils."

"Ahh of course."

It is so nice to have a boyfwen who understands me and all of my originalosity.

_**5 minutes later**_

Rosie has sat her rubber chicken on her shoulder like a parrot to a pirate if you know what I mean and I think you do. Rave on Slim. Entertain us with you amazing, elephantine, pink and green suit. It looks like someone puked on her and then a forest of angry trees attacked her. And I am being nice when I say that. Her chins add that amazing spill over effect. And either her shoes are non-existent or covered in foot fat. Erlackkk!! She announced that we will be waiting for our turn to 'present' in the hall, and that we do not have to watch the presentations, we can wander if we are quiet (ie snog behind sheds, huts and so forth). Yayayayay! I will have to get my hands on some make up now. _Je adour le_ make up. _Je adour le_ gay presentations! But one thing I do not adore is Herr's shocking tartan sock and tie ensemble. Scary potatoes. The hymn, _its me its me its me oh Lord standing in the need of PANTS_, was a triumph, darling, a triumph.

_**Sitting on the grass**_

Dave is lying in my lap again. He looks like he hasn't slept in donkey's years. I could stare at his face all day…

_**5 minutes later**_

Or snog him all day, like we are doing now.

_**15 minutes later**_

Yes yes. Still snogging. I think I now have jelly for brain. Still snoggedy snog snog.

_**2 minutes later**_

We stopped snogging and Dave said, "Phwoar!! Fantastic snogging KittyKat!"

I said, "I know I was just thinking the same thing."

Rollo said, "What are you two, telepathetic idiots?"

And got up and walked off. How dare he! That was a Gee'n'Dave moment! No Rollo! GEE'N'DAVE!! Also that is my line! Not his! Miney! Argh he makes me so mad I could just, ARGH!!

_**5 minutes later**_

He is busy in his book again. Under a tree. All alone. P Green looks like she is going to go befriend or console him. What does she think she is? His care bear? She's certainly big enough to be mistaken by a bear. Or am I being to harsh? No I am being factual. She could scare some poor first former to death if they ever had the misfortune of camping with her, or a random pensioner with bad eye-sight if they walked past the woods and she was out rambling. She's just that big. Any pear as I was saying she went over to Rollo with a copy of her _Hamsters Weekly_ as a offering of friendship I suppose and just as she got there he gave her the look of death and started saying something to her. It was obviously not very nice as she started crying and threw _Hamsters Weekly _at him. Then she ran off, turned around, grabbed _Hamsters Weekly_ off the ground next to Rollo and ran off again. Then both Phil the Nerd and Spotty Norman ran after her. Well Phil looked at Rollo like he was going to challenge him to a duel or something equally crap then thought the better of it and ran off after P Green.

As Rosie put it, "Nerd love, the only thing scarier than Slim's chins."

Then she went back to covering Buggles, the rubber chicken, in tin foil and fake-fur for 'that special Viking effect'. I question her sanity.

_**1 hour later**_

It is sooo nice sitting here talking to everyone. And snuggling up to Dave. By talking I mean watching Jas and Rosie fight over the rights of chickens. Jas thinks its animal cruelty to cover a chicken in fake fur and tin foil. Rosie says it is not alive so it doesn't count. Jas said it still looks like a real chicken and sends out the wrong message to impressionable minds. I, as I pointed out to Dave I couldn't care less about it. Unfortunately the Vole/Rubber Chicken Woman heard me and kicked me in the leg for 'having the compassion of a cardboard box'. Honestly. And she kicked HARD! I swear she has supper human strength in her legs. Must be from all the romping in the forest. Maybe it did her some good after all. Then Tom told her to calm down and she collapsed in his arms like a pathetic elf and looked on the verge of blubbing.

She said, "I'm sorry. Its just the stress of this presentation is getting to me."

Only Jas.

_**2 hours later**_

I could get used to this kind of school life. Dave is asleep on my lap by the sounds of it.

"I have no use for that cupboard. Take it, Charlotte, and give it to the salvation PANTS."

We are all just staring at him. Well those of us who aren't snogging. Except for Rollo. Who is still under his loner tree in his book.

"NO not the… take my hamburger, eat it… You are my cat and mine alone... I will not stand for this non sense, take me to the bakery."

And other WUBBISH. We were all getting pretty bored of listening to him sleep-talk.

I said, "What's this I hear about a party at Katie's tonight?"

Rosie said, "Well yeah. We all invited. The theme is angels and devils. I am going as a Viking angel. Sven as well."

That would be a sight to see. A furry angel.

"Hmm cool. I think me and Dave will come as well."

Then we all sat there enjoying the rare, good weather and working on our tans. Then the titches walked up to me.

"Miss, is that Dave? The one sleeping?"

"Errr… yes."

They giggled like giggly things.

"Is he asleep?"

"Yes…"

"Is he your boyfriend?"

They are sooo slow. They put even Jas to shame.

"Yes…"

"What is his favorite colour then?"

Errr… I don't actually know. What is this anyway? 20 questions?

"Red."

"OOOO really!! That's my favorite colour too!"

Her and ginger titch giggled again.

"Great."

"Can we sit with you?"

The rest of the gang looked petrified.

"Errr… don't you have class?"

"Yes. But it is break. Can we please sit with you for break?"

"Erm… ok."

And they practically sat on me.

_**Half an hour later**_

Thank the living transvestite Lord Sandra they have left. They kept asking me questions about Dave. They are his personal stalkers. Eventually when Dave woke up they got so excited I thought they were going to wet themselves. He got quite a shock when he woke up to a ginger head and a twitchy titch face really close to his conk.

They went, "Oh you're awake!!"

And he leaped off my lap like a leapy thing.

"What? Gee why didn't you wake me?? Bloody hell what did I say this time?"

"Just nonsense. And you looked like you needed sleep."

"Yeah but still…" he gave a meaningful look at the titches.

"Sorry. It was rather unexpected."

"I see. Still time waits for no pants."

"Too true."

He sat down again and played with my hand drawing patterns and piccies on it with his pen and so forth. The titches stared like the goosogogs they are. If fact they were such good goosegogs they should have gotten some kind of award. The Goosegog Of The Year or something to that effect. Then fortunately the bell rang and they skipped off. I kid you not, skipped. Like lambs. How sad and pathetico.

I said to Dave, "They luuurve you. They are your own, personal stalkers."

"It all comes with the job, KittyKat."

"What job?"

"Being so sexy and funny and all-round Jack the Biscuit."  
"You are sooo vain."

"You know you love it."

Sad thing is I do.

"You blow my specific horn, Mister Laugh."

"Oo-er. You blow mine Miss Laugh."

"Mrs."

"Of course."

And we snogged. He is the king of lip nibbling.

_**1 minute later**_

And of neck kissing.

_**5 minutes later**_

And generally number 6 king.

_**2 minutes later**_

And he has never failed to make me jelliod when we snog.

_**10 minutes later**_

Mmm… starey eyes. I could do this forever. Dave has truly gorgy eyes. And such a nice crinkly smile. He is, it has to be said, a really fit looking bloke. Even if he is mad. I really do love him. He is such a nice guy. And, sigh, my soulmate. I sound so corny.

Dave whispered, "What you thinking about, KittyKat?"

"You."

"I just so happen to be thinking about you."

"And what is it you are thinking about me?"

"That I luuurve you so much."

"I love you too Dave."

We did more starey eyes. Jelliod…

_**10 minutes later**_

Snuggling with Dave again. Talking.

_**2 minutes later**_

"Georgia, we have to go do the presentation now."

Yet again Rollo interrupts.

"Coming."

I really don't want to do this.

_**Hall**_

Elvis and Miss Wilson are the judges. Along with a lady from the fire station whose hair looks like a space helmet. Joy. Well there is no getting out of it now. I am going to throw my heart, nay, my very soul into this speech. I shall give it my ALL.

_**10 minutes later**_

Gadzooks! That was brilliant! We are waiting outside while they 'tally our marks'. I only messed up once: when I said the fire hydrant instead of extinguisher. I hope no one runs around with a fire hydrant. That would be _tres tres_ weird. But now that we were outside again Rollo was back to his silent self. He was staring at me again. But not in the way he used to. He was glaring at me!

"Rollo? What's wrong?"

"I think you know exactly what's wrong."

"Well. Er. I'm sorry?"

He sighed.

"No its not your fault. I'm just in a bad mood. I should be apologizing. So sorry for being so horrible."

"It's kay. Why are you in a bad mood, though?"

He gave me a look.

"Right… wow this is awkward."

"Yeah I guess so."

Do not do anything weird, Georgia, mouth LISTEN to me, do NOT do anything strange!

"Put a banana in your ear!!"

_Qu'est-ce que ça peut bien faire ! _

"What?!"

"You will never be happy if you live your life in fear."

What am I talking about?!

"Errr… I guess that much is true."

"AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!"

OH NO! Uncontrollable laughing fit!!

"…what are you laughing at?"

"HAHAHA!!"

"No really Gee, what's so funny?"

"Hahahahaha! Nothing! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!"

"Um… ok."

"Hahahaha… owwie my sides hurt!! Hahaha!"

"Haha…"

"HAHAHAHA!!"

"Hahahaha!"

Why are we both laughing at nothing?

_**5 minutes later**_

Oh God my sides hurt!! But at least I have stopped laughing. I don't know why I was laughing in the first place. And I will tell you this for free, it was not my attractive laugh, it was my nose-taking-over-face laugh. I am amazed Rollo did not run in fear. Maybe he was laughing at my nose? Oh nooo! Merde!

I said, "What were we laughing at?"

He said, "I do not know, you started it. What were we laughing at?"

"I don't know either. But now my sides hurt."

"Mine too. But it's a good kind of hurt. And I am in a better mood now."

"Well that's good news."

"It is. And I have a new sketch. Do you want to see it?"

"Yes please."

It was of the girl again. She was smiling now. Her eyes were happy too. Me. Again I couldn't look away.

"Wow."

"I knew you would like it."

When I looked up he was doing his starey thing again. Not the glarey one either. The serious one. Oh dear Gott in Himmel. Now I am in hypnotized mode, I cannot look away from his eyes. They are such a strange shade of blue. Like grey. In fact it is safe to say, no chance of being hit by a random bolt of lightning unless you are dancing in pots and pans in a rainstorm or something to that degree, that you it is impossible to tell if his eyes are grey or blue. They like halfies. But obviously mixed. He doesn't have a line of blue going down the middle of his eyes, with one half blue and the other-SHUT UP BRAIN!! Oh dear I think we are going to end up snogging. In fact since Rollo is about an inch away from me I am positive that we are about to snog. Again. Merde.

_**Half a second later**_

Saved by Miss Wilson! She dithered in and went, "Oh! Oh dear! I'm sorry! Wait… I am not! I am the teacher and you should not be, er, doing what you are doing! I am sorry to-no, you should be sorry! Oh dear… you, I, rules, morals, manners, oh dear. Just please come back inside." And she walked back into the hall shaking her head and muttering to herself.

I said, "Err, right I'll just go into the, er, right."

Rollo said, "Yeah. Right. Or something."

Blimey we had both turned into Ellen!

_**20 minutes later**_

Well apparently we both have talent. Duh. And we got 96!! That is my best mark EVER! I got all excited like a swot and when we were outside I may or may not have given Rollo a matey hug and squealed. I know. Sad. I am turning into Jas. Rollo was also very happy and we did a little bit of the disco dance inferno to celebrate.

_**Sitting with the gang on the grass**_

Ah this is so nice. Jas raised her eyebrows at me and Rollo laughing. Honestly. Dave got into a bit of a Unlaugh mood until I snogged the pants off of him. Then he turned back into Dave the Laugh. All the gang are going off to do their presentations. Only one more hour of school.

_**Half an hour later **_

We have to go to the hall and here the announcements of who won. I hope it is me and Rollo, I saw such a groovy top and I MUST HAVE IT!

_**Half an hour later**_

We won!! I cannot believe it! They are putting our poster up on Elvis' hut! And I have MOOLAH!!

Woohoo! There were hugs all round and a celebratory Viking disco dance. The horns were there in spirit. I could feel them. We all ran out of school again and did more dancing. Now I only have 2 hours to get ready! Eeeekkkk! Dave says I am gorgy as I am (!) but I can improve!!

_**1 and a half hours later**_

I can't believe I am done! It took immense skill. I washed my hair and curled it, did my make-up, picked my outfit (black biker style top, angel wings-Libby's-, jeans and mutti's leather boots) and I did the orangutan gene check. All's good. I am hells angel. Get it? Ahahaha! I am a comic genius. Truly. Told Mutti that I am going to a party and she was actually vair understanding and has let me go without a fight. By that I mean she had had some _vino tinto_ with Eddy and Vati before I had asked. Still yay! Dave should be here any minute now…

_**10 minutes later**_

Dave looks sooo yummy scrumboes and scrummy yumboes. And naughty! He has a pitch fork and horns and is dressed in all black. When he say me he went, "PHWOAR!! I thought I looked good!" which is nice. And more importantly he is all miney mine mine. Teehee…

_**Katie's house**_

Wow the party looks pumping. I can hear it from 3 houses away! And they are not small houses I will tell you as a fact. We are almost here now…


	17. Newt On The Brink Of Death

1 minute later

_**1 minute later**_

Bloody hell! Everyone is here! And I do mean everyone, Bob and all his uncles. Not literally since no one wants my Vati here or any fat, bald blokes. That is le fact of life. But all the girls from school, Foxwood lads, the Dame and his sad mates, the Stiff Dylan's (eeekkk), St Johns people and quite literally EVERYONE! The house was practically bursting at the seams! Sven was dj-ing and was the only male angel I could see. He had furry wings and a pair of light up flares. That was it though. No top or anything. Oo-er! He is a cheeky minx! Rosie had the same furry wings but in addition had a toga style dress and a mono-brow. She is completely bonkers. Everyone else was basically a normal angel. The Gang all had their horns on and were doing the Viking Dance when we walked in, that dance never gets old.

Dave said, "Oi all you cheeky cats who think I'm gorgey follow me in the conga!!"

And started a conga line with me behind him. Sven got a bit over excited and put a really fast song on. It was very hard keeping up the conga line in such a fast song.

_**Half an hour later**_

I am quite literally all tuckered out from all the dancing. Dave has a very, er, energetic dancing style. I was just leaning against the wall waiting for Dave to get me a drink when the Dame shuffled over to me. I swear he thinks he is my seeing-eye dog. Tres pathetico.

"So Georgia, you going out with Dave the Laugh now?"

"Yes."

"It's not serious though is it?"

"It is thank you very much."

"But he is Dave the Laugh. Not serious. Laugh."

"Its still a serious relationship Dame."

"So no chance of a snog then?"

"There was never a chance of me snogging you, Dame, never."

"Oh."

He just stood there like a pathetic standing thing. A Goosegog. But not for snogging. He was just unwanted.

_**4 minutes later**_

He is still here. God! I tried to shuffle away from him but he followed. He keeps nodding like a nodding thing at people then drinking God-knows-what.

He said, "How about one now?"

Unbelievable!! I was just going to ignore him and pray to the Big G that he GOES AWAY when he leaned forwards and tried to snog me! I hopped neatly out of the way and he hit his head on the wall. Good. I think he is drunk! So that was what was in his cup! And most of everyone else's! No wonder there is a bit more, erm, action than usual. The Dame started moaning against the wall and then Dave came with our drinks (can for me, thank the lord, I would hate to know how I would behave if I was drunk). He took one look at Dame moaning to himself and took my hand and we walked outside. And no sooner had Dave found a suitable tree did he push me against it and snog me like he never had before. Jelliod!! I think he was a bit drunk though. Still snoggy snog snoggedy snog snog. Dave has pushed me rather hard against the tree and he's all pushed up against me, its bloody marvy I can tell you that much. I did that moany thing and he started kissing my neck. I wonder what he would do if I pushed him up against the tree?

_**3 minutes later**_

He doesn't seem to mind. In fact he seems to be enjoying it. A lot. He did nib libbling and the moany thing and everything, then he pushed me up against the tree again. Jelliod. I could stay snogging Dave forever. I would die eventually but I would die a happy chappy. Dead happy.

_**20 minutes later**_

Phwoar!! I think I have turned into jelly with all that snogging! Its fan-bloody-tastic that's what it is. I think Dave was also quite amazed at the snog since he didn't say anything for a while and we just stood under the tree with our foreheads touching. Vair vair nice and sweet.

Well, it was until Sven came outside and told us, "Snog snog jah! Come boogey groovesters, I have happy juice!! Jah jah!"

Then he jumped on a bush and squashed two snoggers. Me and Dave went inside sharpish, I do not want to be crushed by a mad reindeer-man for not dancing. There was a fast song but when it ended a slowww one came on and Dave grabbed my waist and we danced really slowly. It was sooo nice. Just swaying and being nice and close to Dave. When the song finished we turned around and all the Gang were watching us again.

I said, "What? Are we the local zoo animals or something?"

Jas said, "You two aren't being mad. Or talking. Or snogging. Its weird."

Which just made things awkward. The rest of the gang nodded like Santa's nodders or something equally crap and noddy and then I noticed Rollo wasn't with them.

"Errr, where did Rollo go?"

Jas looked around like a sad twit, "I don't know. He was going to go get a drink about an hour ago."

She started wandering around looking for Rollo. She got to the couch and did her fish impression. She gave me that save-me look and like the truly fantastic friend I am I did the right thing.

_**3 minutes later**_

Rightio. Hiding from Jas and whatever she has found. In the tarts wardrobe. Which it is not really since the only person who can go in it regularly is Katie and she is not really a tart. And she has a wardrobe. I think. So it is a piddley-diddley department. Or poo palour division. And occasional hiding place.

_**1 minute later**_

I better come out now. What ever it is; Jas must have lost interest. It was probably some poor abandoned newt that was on the brink of death or something to that effect.

_**3 minutes later**_

Its not a newt. It's a drunk Rollo. He is sitting on the couch calling me. He says Dave has hidden me away and won't let me see him. What fresh hell? When he saw me he got up and grabbed my arm really tight.

"Georgiash I lobe yoooou!"

Everyone was staring at me. Dave looked like he was in shock.

"Yes yes Rollo. Sit back down and just be really quiet ok?"

"No! I love you Georgia, GLUB YOU!!"

I went all red like a red thing on red day. Can't he just shut up?! He pointed at Dave like they do in crap movies, "You don't luuuurve her! I do! I DO! You are NOT Jack the Biscuit!!"

And then he sat down on the couch again, dragging me with him. Thankfully not many people seemed to notice us.

"I love you Gee, I lobe YOU, and you love me! And not Dave the fucking Laugh!"

"No Rollo, that's not-"

"I shaid you love me!"

Then he started laughing like a loon.

"Remember when we laughed for no reason Gee? It was so funny."

He was leaning really close to me now.

"Yes it was. Now please, with a cherry on top, let go of my arm?"

He stopped laughing and was leaning all against me.

"And remember when I snogged you in the library and you got all angry?"

Now everyone's mouths were open. Lovely. Rollo tried to snog me again and I pushed him off.

"And then you came to my house and we snogged some more and then you got really angry and didn't talk to me because of your stupid fucking boyfriend? Remember that Georgia?? Remember how you always don't let me snog you because of your STUPID FUCKING ASSHOLE OF A BOYFRIEND??"

He got up and walked up to Dave. Not necessarily in a straight line.

Tom said, "Rollo!"

"He doesn't even know what love is! He'sh a fucking retard!"

Rollo poked Dave hard in the chest. Dave didn't look sad any more he looked angry.

He said, "Rollo, I think its time you went home."

"NO don't you DARE tell me what I can and can't do DAVID! I don't CARE!"

Then Tom came forwards to Rollo, "Rollo, mate, I think we should go outside, ok?"

"NO!"

Rollo put his arm back like he was going to hit Dave and nearly fell over. Tom, however, caught him pretty well and he gave me a desperate look.

I said, "Come outside Rollo…"

He smiled and gave a smug look at Dave. "Ha ha!"

Then he slung his arm over my shoulder and I dragged him out of the house. Crikey he weighs as much as a small car! I am going to get gigantic man-muscles with all this lifting I am doing lately. He started laughing again.

"I KNEW that you would come to your shenshes Gee!!"

"Errr… right."

He stopped dead and said, "You do lobe me right?"

"Come on lets go Rollo…"

"No tell me."

He wouldn't move!

"Yes I do. Now lets go."

"Okey dokey."

Then he started laughing again. But thankfully he let me drag him out again.

"You know I have never in my life been drunk before. I do not like it when other people get drunk. But bloody hell I feel fantastic!! I think that I am very nearly euphoric which is weird since 5 minutes ago I wanted to rip your EXshhh boyfriendsh head geoff. I am glad I never though since that is not a very nice thing to do, ripping peoples heads off, but I was just so angry. NOW I am just sooo happy. Not angry like I was earlier. I even have a song in my heart. I wrote it. I wrote it for YOU Gee! I wrote a shong for YOU! Shall I sing the song? The song I wrote? That I wrote for you? Do you want to hear it?"

He rambled on for ages. Then he started singing again but really off key and had a laughing spaz halfway through it. He was still laughing when Tom and Dec came to take him home.

"Come on Rollo, lets go home."

"No no. I want to dance with my girlfriend."

"No Rollo, go home."

Tom and Dec gave me a look. I gave one back.

"Ok… I will see you tomorrow!"

And he ran into the forest. Well tried to. He was so drunk he couldn't walk straight. He ran into a tree then lay on the ground laughing. Tom and Dec lifted him and practically carried him home. He was still babbling on about crap. When I turned around Dave was staring at me. He looked tres tres tres sad. I went over and gave him a hug.

I spoke in my sophis and brilliant Froggy accent, "And you, Hornmeister, vat eez wrong?"

He put his arm around me.

He spoke in a Russian accent, but it was a half-hearted attempt, "Just Rollo. He vas very mean to me tonight. I may need therapy."

Good grief. I will have a shrink-seeing boyfriend type. I hope he doesn't turn into one of those sad emos who write crap poetry on bathroom doors and not talk to anyone. That would be tragic.

"Snog therapy I mean."

I gave him a quick number 5.

"Yes yes. Snogs ease the emotional pain. But I am shattered. Lets go home KittyKat."

So we bid farewell to the remaining gang and left. Dave had his arm around my shoulders and I had mine around his waist. He would stop every so often and we would snog for a bit on the way home.

_**Home**_

The olds were so surprised at seeing me and Dave home so early that they stop snogging on the couch to stare politely (mouth open and Vati's badger bristling in shock). Libby gave Dave a hug and hit me on the head with James. Erlack!!

Mutti said, "Hello Gee, Dave. I don't think Dave can stay long, its getting late. Eddy is out working. He has this new-"

"Mutti I REALLY don't want to know."

She shrugged and her and Vati resumed snogging on the couch. I have exposed Dave to old people porn. I hope he forgives me. He didn't seem to phased by it though, I am not sure if that is a good or a bad thing… Libby continued to dress Gordy up like a hairy drag-queen. Angus was no where to be seen. He has disowned his son. Or is out lying waste to the rodent population. Nice.

_**In my room**_

I am so tired. Me and Dave just sat on my bed. Then Dave pulled me onto his lap and started snogging me really slowly. I turned into a vegetable girl. We snogged like that for about 15 minutes and it only stayed at a number 6. But it was vair vair nice. I think in top 5 snogs. Deffo. I went all jelliod and my brain shut up (don't even try put that in past tense, accept it). Then Dave stopped snogging me.

He whispered, "I love you Gee. Don't think I don't. Ever. And Rollo is wrong. I do love you."

I went all fuzzy inside when he said that and I said, "I know and I love you too."

Then we sat there for a while and then I took the bull by the whatsits and snogged Dave. It was just as groovy and marvy as before but then Libby ran into my room.

"OOOOOHHH SNOGGLING! NAUGHTY NAUGHTY! Heggy hog heggy hog hog."

Dave and I stopped snogging but I still stayed on his lap. I had my arms around his neck and he had his around my waist.

He said, "Libby, what are you doing here?"

She nodded and then walked out again. Me and Dave did a bit of starey eyes but then Libby returned with Gordy in full drag gear.

"Gordy looks naaaiiiccee. See Gee? I use your face paint!! HEE HAW HEE HAW!"

And she ran out again. What could she mean by my face paint?

_**3 minutes later**_

Not my make up!! NOOOO!!

"LIBBBBBBBYYYYY!!"

Dave looked a bit surprised at me screaming like a mad woman when he was millimeters apart.

"DID YOU USE MY MAKE UP ON GORDY?!"

I heard the sounds of her laughing her mad laugh. Dave started laughing. I looked at him.

"What?"

"Is that what you were thinking about just now?"

"How did you know I was thinking?"

"Because your face goes all thoughtful and your eyebrows go together. And you pout a little bit. Then your really thinking hard."

"You know exactly what happens to my face when I think?"

He blushed, "Erm, well, yeah."

"How do you know?"

"I watch you."

I raised my eyebrows, "You know what that makes you sound like?"

" …A stalker?"

"Exactamondo."

"No I just happen to be very keen on you Miss Nicolson."

He is sooo sweet.

"Well that's good considering I happen to be keen on you Mr Smith."

He smiled. He has such a gorgey smile. His eyes go all happy and crinkly and everything. Phwoar! I smiled as well. And I didn't even bother reining in my nose. I don't know how long we stayed like that not saying anything and just staring at each other but I could have stayed like that forever and ever. Dave has such friendly, nice, naughty looking eyes.

Dave said, "What do you like bestest about me?"

"Bestest?"

"Yes. It does exist, I just said it."

"I don't know. You laughability. And your-"

I almost said snoggability! Oo-er!

"My?"

"Eyes. And your Biscuitosity."

"Ah of course. But my eyes are just boring brown. You have gorgey eyes. All green. And they change colour."

Freaky deaky! I raised my eyebrows and he nodded his head. I wonder what his fave colour is? Even the titches think they know it.

"What's your fave colour Dave?"

"Hmmmm… red. And your's?"

"I like purple bestest."

I am Mystic Meg. I am just that good. Dave nodded wisely and Mutti said it was time for him to leave. I got up off his lap and he gave me a kiss good night and left. He did say he would come and visit again tomorrow though. So ladidlala bye bye s'later! Me and Dave are too in luuuurrrve for you. Though I must go clean up. Dave will not want a spotty girlfriend.

_**10 minutes later**_

Libby did use my make up. when I went to go scream at her I found her already asleep looking peaceful and quiet and sweet and oblivious. She looked to cute, and I didn't want to wake her at all. So I kissed her forehead and left. Mutti and Vati were still snogging downstairs, I could hear them. Erlack! Blimey o' Riley I am tired. And my bed is empty. Yesssss!

_**Half an hour later**_

But I cannoteth fallus asleepeth. Dam you AGAIN Rollo. Time to turn to the tried and tested method of meditation, oooooooohhhhhhhhmmmmm


	18. Marsipul Man To The Rescue

Saturday

**Enjoy and review. Quickie short author note. But long chappie.**

_**Saturday**_

_**10 am **_

Urgh I feel like death warmed over. Then flipped over and burnt on the Oven Of Life. That is how bad I feel. And I don't know why. I didn't drink last night or anything, I just have a massive… ache in my heart. The house is all silent and quiet. I think I will lie in my bed of pain and confusionosity for a bit.

_**10 minutes later**_

Phones ringing. Typically no one is answering, so that leaves me, the growing teenager who needs muchos sleep in order to control mood swings, concentration etc etc.

"Hello?"

"WHY THE HELL DON'T YOU EVER ANSWER GEORGIA!! I'VE BEEN CALLING FOR AGES NOW!"

"Jas, I've been-"

"NO EXCUSES!!"

She raved on and on, I went to go get myself a Jammy Dodger and when I got back she was still screaming. I politely cut her off.

"Jas shut up."

She did those tres pathetico yoga-type breathing thingys.

"All I am saying is we have a lot to discuss Georgia. Every one knows that Rollo likes, no wait, LOVES you now. Everyone. Even the Stiff Dylans. Robbie wants to go beat Rollo up to win you back Georgia. Tom persuaded him not to but EVERYONE knows now Georgia."

Oh merde. With knobs. Marsupial man to the rescue. That is bound to be entertaining. All this emotional confusionosity is taking its toll on me. I do feel the lurgy creeping up on me and it has brought its good friend Boboland. I am so vair vair tired. I sat down against the wall.

"I know Jas. I know."

"What does Dave think of the whole thing?"

"He's a bit upset but is a bit relieved that now he knows that I don't let Rollo snog me because of him. I think."

Wow that was a bit of a doctor Phil moment. Not that I had turned into a bald American bloke but you know what I mean. I hope.

"Oh. Well I have to go now. Me and Tom are going on a ramble to-"

I put the phone down on her, it is nicer that way. That's when I saw I had 3 messages.

"Hey its RO-RO. You are up Shee Cree without a pad my friend. Phone me with the latest. Pip pip."

"Its Jools for Georgia. How could you? I can't believe it. First Ellen now me. Don't bother returning my call."

"Its me. Er… Ellen. Not, you know, someone else. Yeah I just wanted to say what is, you know, happening here? Or something. Yeah. Oh and this, erm, message is for er Gee or… yeah."

I didn't call any one back. Also next to the phone was a note from the beloved Olds.

_Dear Gee,_

_We have gone out to London. You were asleep when we left. There is a fiver in case you need anything. Do not make too much noise as Eddy is asleep in our rooms. He has been working hard so be quiet and let him rest. Do not write on his head. It is not funny. See you around dinner time._

_Love _

_Mum_

_xxxxxx_

A fiver?! For the whole day?! And not funny?! Its hilarious that's what it is! I cannot believe I missed a trip to London! Dinner?! Pft since _when_. I'll show her not funny.

_**15 minutes later**_

Now that that's done I can concentrate. Though I must say it was comic genius his forehead now says, "LOOK AWAY FROM THE LIGHT!" which is, of course, a reference to his shiny baldy head which, when outside, actually reflects the sun. Blinding at the least. It is quite subtle but I like to think it is still tip-top on the hilariousosity front. That is what I like to think.

_**10 minutes later**_

Phone ringing AGAIN.

"Hello?"

"Heya KittyKat its me. I have been grounded by the olds for arriving home late last night so I can't come visit. But I do have a genius plan."

"Ah I see. And what is that, Hornmeister?"

"You come visit me, I cannot leave my house but you can leave yours. And my Mutti wouldn't dream of being unhostessly."

"Unhostessly?"

"Yes."

"I will be there in half an hour."

"Can't wait I am so bored."

"Same here. Bye."

"Tatty bye Mrs Laugh. Never put anything smaller in your ear than your elbow."

Ooo-err! Mrs Laugh! I do like the sound of that! Though I am not sure about the ear thingy…

_**20 minutes later**_

Rightio ready. I have gone for the all-natural subtle look (lip-gloss, eyeliner, mascara, concealer and the hint of eye-shadow). And it reeks of casualosity and sexiosity even if I do say so myself. Which I just did. I heard it. And yes, I do speak out loud to myself. I am not insane. Or vain. Just vair vair, er, speaky-out-loudy. I think I am having snogging-withdrawals. And that is saying something since I was snogging like there was no tomorrow last night. But I have them. Bad. I think I will just do mad disco dancing on the way over to Dave to relieve some of the tension.

_**2 minutes later**_

O God wrong move. Oscar the Perve Boy was out being naff in the park and when he saw me he said, "HEY GEORGIA! FANTASTIC NUNGA DANCING! MIND IF I HELP THEM ALONG?"

Which doesn't even make sense but probably means something perverted and disgusting in the language of spoon. I gave him my absolute WORST look and otherwise ignored him.

_**3 minutes later**_

I am bored now. I think I will do my entrancing act. Be a boy magnet and so forth. Right hippy wiggle, upsie downsie and flicky hair.

_**2 minutes later**_

3 boys have honked at me. Which is nice. But then I saw Robbie on his really sad - er I mean environmentally helpful - bike. He looked like he was going to come talk to me so I ran into a shop. Unfortunately it was some gardening and house home. It's called _Gayhomes_, which is indeedio vair sad and tip top in the hilariousosity font. That tells you what kind of crap shop it is. I was going to do sneaky outsies but then I saw Elvis from Stalag 14 and some other old bloke looking at fire safe type things. Elvis was wearing incredibly huge trousers and a tartan flat hat. Hahahaha! I was doing silent laughing until he turned around.

"You! What are you doing here?"

"I want a gay home Mr. Attwood. What are you doing here?"

"None of your business. Now bugger off."

That's nice isn't it? He was giving me the look of a mad man so I left sharpish. Unfortunately I ran straight into Robbie.

"Gee! I was hoping to talk to you."

"Errr… I would love to but I am on a strict running schedule. I have a moose to tame."

And I ran off. I kid you not, RAN. He stood there like a confused duck whilst I ran off. Sadly in the wrong direction so I had to turn around and run past Robbie again. I smiled in a red-from-running-but-still-dignity-at-all-times sort of way and carried on stampeding down the street. Turned into Dave's road and stopped to catch my breath.

_**1 minute later**_

Oh nooo I can see Rollo sitting on his wall. He mustn't see me. I will hide in a bush.

_**2 minutes later**_

All hidey hide. Now I must shhhh. But now what? I cannot stay hidden in a bush for all of eternity.

_**30 seconds later**_

Bloody hell! What is with people?! Why are they all suspicious?! Even hiding in a bush causes suspicion! I was just being all quiety quiet when some old bag started screaming behind me! Right in my ear! I turned around and he was brandishing a pan and was waving it around like an insistent loon.

"GET OUT OF MY BLOODY GARDEN! I WILL CALL THE POLICE ON YOU! I WILL! TRESESSING IS A CRIMINAL OFFENCE! NOW GET!! I DON'T WANT YOU CREEPING ABOUT MY PROPETY!"

Quite sensationally mad. I informed the old loon that I was not trespassing and I was merely looking at some vole poo. He still looked suspicious so I left. He had screamed so loud I think the whole of England heard. And quite possibly all the Jock McThicks in Scotland too. I gave him my worst look. I am sure Rollo heard him. Actually I know he heard him since he was staring at me like I had grown a third arm. I walked onwards. Unfortunately he got off his wall and started walking towards me. He looks terrible. All pale with bags under his eyes and out of it. Good. I tried to walk faster so I could get to Dave's house before I ran into Rollo. I was opening the little gate thingy when he tapped me on the shoulder.

"Hey Georgia can we talk?"

No! I don't want to talk to you! Ahhhh! I panicked and started to babble like a unshut-up-able drain.

"No! We actually can't! I'm late!"

I was screaming a little and he winced at me speaking.

"Ow! Please keep your voice down! I have a massive head ache!"

"You deserve exactly what you getting."

I said it softly though.

"What?"

He blinked a bit. He really did look sick. It is so hard to be so mean to him when he looks like that. I actually wanted to give him a hug but I girded my loins and continued my cold shoulderosity.

"You chose to drink, you deal with the consequences."

"What?"

"Stop saying what like that!"

He winced again.

"No what do you mean I decided to drink? I can't remember a thing from last night."

"You were so drunk I didn't expect you to."

"What happened?"

"I don't have time for this!"

I turned back to the gate. He grabbed my arm.

"No Gee, tell me. Please."

He looked at me full on. I may have said this before, but I will say it again, because as one of Vati's sad bands said, 'it's my liiiiiiiife': it was so so so hard being mean to someone that is so sick. Even if it was there own fault.

"Fine. But later, ok? Come to my house. Though I can't guarantee silence, my uncle is there."

Then I turned around and left him there.

"And by the way, Rollo, I wouldn't stay around Dave's house to long, you're not exactly his favorite person right now."

He looked a bit confused, "What? Why? Oh my God what have I done?"

"Later. I'll tell you later."

_**2 minutes later**_

Mentally preparing myself for the Smith Ramblers. I have practiced my nodding and attractive smile. Now I just have to get past them and up to Dave. Right. Must knock. Now.

_**5 seconds later**_

NOW

_**1 minute later**_

I will do it now. _Knock knock_. See? Not so hard? Well done Gee, whoo a good girl! You are you are! Good lord I have turned into a P Green-type dog-girl. And NO ONE, not even my manservants Carl and Juan, want that. NO ONE. Except for P Green, but she doesn't count.

_**2 seconds later**_

Sophia answered. She had her long hair down and stick straight again. Not that twiggy-types are actually straight, it's an expression. Accept it.

"Why hello Georgia! Have you come to visit David?"

I nodded and smiled.

"Yes he is grounded at the moment. I am in charge as mum has gone out for the day."

She went on and on and on. I nodded so much I thought my head would fall off. I do not know how those heavy metal types do it, they must have super human neck muscles.

_**5 minutes later**_

She has finally shut up and gone to call Dave or David as she calls him. Which is strange, since he is most defiantly a Dave. Not a David. He ran down the stairs like a bat outta hell. He jumped the last 5 or 6 stairs and landed with a thud.

"Finally, Gee, I thought you weren't coming."

Sophia looked horrified.

"David Isaac Smith! Do you want her to think you have the manners of a zoo animal?"

He rolled his eyes, "Why of course not Lady Sophie. Please forgive me Miss Georgia, for I am a man of no virtues or graces. I have the pants of a mere commoner."

He did a bow and everything. Sophia looked angrier than ever. He held his arm out and we walked over to his room. He was discussing 'tea this arvie' vair vair loudly. Sophia was screaming, "That's not funny David! It really isn't!"

Even though it so clearly is.

_**5 minutes later**_

Dave was sitting on his bed. He looked intently at me.

"Georgia I love you like I love no one else. And I do treat you with respect and manners, but I have such bad snogging withdrawals right now."

Then he got up and started snogging me. I went all jelliod and collapsed on his bed. He was lying on top of me and by some miracle hadn't broken the snog the whole time! Wowzee wow wow! He is a snogging prodigy!

_**Half an hour later**_

Phwoar!!

_**2 minutes later**_

Wowzee wow wow! 8 ½ ! Dave is quite literally a snogging sensation. He's just lying next to me now. Watching me.

I said, "What are you thinking about, Hornmeister?"

"You. And how hot you look in those Viking Horns of yours."

He kissed me softly and got off the bed.

"Movie time KittyKat. I'll let you chose this time."

_**10 minutes later**_

Why does Dave only own horror films? What about good old comedy? He is a larfing man therefore he needs larfing-movies!

"Hornmeister I always thought you were of the comedy movie kind."

He gave me a stern look.

"KittyKat you are forgetting that horror is the worlds funniest comedy. I mean people with fangs and so forth? Comic GENIUS."

What fresh hell? I nodded like a nodding thing and picked out some movie. _The Grudge. _It looked reasonable, er, non-scary. In fact I think I could even manage a giggle at some parts. Dave raised his eyebrows. He walked over to his closet with the DVD.

"Er, Dave, a closet does not play movies."

"Yes but a tv does KittyKat! I am not a pear, do not snuff me."

He opened his closet and a couple of undercrackers fell out. He gave me a cheeky grin and turned on a telly.

"Errr, I wasn't, snuffing you."

Blimey I was turning into Ellen!

"You know Gee, its not nice to eat people. Spit her out."

"What?"

"Ellen. You seem to have eaten her."

"No no. I haven't. Really. I'm just all shook up. Uh huh!"

Why in the name of Lord Sandra's beard have I brought Elvis- who dared to rock- into this conversation? Dave gave me a cheeky, naughty look.

"Well, I guess I am going to have to make you better, aren't I?"

He walked slowly up to me. I was still sitting on the bed and he sat next to me and started snogging me.

After a while he said, "Is it working?"

"Yeah I think it-"

"Dam you can still talk!"

Then he started snogging me harder it was plain old number 6 but Dave made it tip top.

"And now?"

"It's get-"

Number 6 for a bit.

"And now?"

"Yeah I gu-"

Nib libbling! I mean lip nibbling. Dave is King at this. I went all jelliod and put my hands in his hair for a bit. We snogged like that for ages and when he pulled back he said, "Errr… yeah?"

"Nnnnnuunngh."

He smiled and pulled me in for a cuddle and we watched the movie.

_**20 minutes later**_

Buddah and all his monks! I am scared pantsless. I am gripping on to Dave's arm so hard my knuckles have gone white. And we haven't even snogged yet. I am frozen in fear. That is how scary potatoes this film is. Dave said it was a larf. Ha!

_**5 minutes later**_

Dave just started snogging my neck! I stopped holding his arm so tight and turned my head to snog him but he just carried on snogging my neck!

_**2 minutes later**_

At least he is snogging me properly now. Not that I am complaining, neck snogging was truly tip top on the jelliod scale, I was melted neck girl.

20 minutes later

Why does Sophia have to interrupt?! Me and Dave were just snogging and maybe there was some number 7 going on when she ran, yes ran, I kidd you not, into the room and did some strange dance thingy.

"Ooooh David! I see what you've been up to while I've been gone! Naughty naughty! Hehehe…"

"Why in the name of arse are you here? Shall I make John forcefully remove you?"

"Tsk tsk. You said arse. Mum's going to be here in, oh I don't know, 3 minutes? And you're not supposed to have guests. So I suggest Georgia here leaves. And quickly."

"You are so annoying. Can you please leave? I would like to say good bye to Gee."

"Oh don't you think you've snogged enough already?"

"GO AWAY!"

She did her strange dance thingy and ran out.

"Strange, Hornmeister."

"I know."

"Weeeeellll. I suppose I have to go now. So bye then."

I kissed him on the lips.

"Missing you already. Don't throw stones at heffalumps, they tend to take offense."

"Missing you too. Love you Dave."

"Love you too."

I smiled at him and left. He walked me to the door and when I closed it started singing, much to the annoyance of Sophia.

_**Walking home. About 5ish. **_

Lalalala. The hiiiiilllls are allllivvveee with the soundddd of PANTS! The PANTS I have wornnnnn for a thousand yeaaaaarrrrsss.

I have a song in my heart. And I have moolah.

_**Half a second later**_

Wait there just a minute! I have moolah! I have squids! What am I doing dancing in a abandoned street?! I must go, no RUN, to Boots!

_**20 seconds later**_

Run run pant pant! I am no longer in tip top phisi-whatsit form! My days as a hockey she-beast are over, I can bearly run half a meter without falling over from exhaustedness! Still I must push myself! I must do it! I must do it NOW!

_**3 minutes later**_

In Boots! I MADE it! I arrived like a red bat outta hell and attacked an assistant.

"Snapple lip gloss, Kiwi and Strawberry, NOW!"

"I'm sorry-"

"NOW!! EMERGENCY!"

She scuttled off and I went to rest in the eye shadow part. The other customers gave me a bit of a side-ways skiff look. Bugger them, what do they know anyway?

_**2 minutes later**_

The assistant arrived with my lip gloss. I grabbed it and nodded at her in a mission-accomplished way. It is sooo cute. The lip gloss, not my nodding. Though it is rather attractive in a tomb-raider way. The lip gloss is shaped like an actual Snapple drink! I should leave now but I don't have any make-up. Well, not any that isn't covered in cat hair or Libby spit. I'll just buy the necessities…

_**15 minutes later**_

Right a make-up box with a lock, 3 eyeshadows, 2 lippies, foundation, concealer, spot cream, blusher and new brushes. Oh and 3 eyeliners (brown, black and a purpley colour to bring out the green in my eyes). And mascara. And new tweezers. And a compact. But that is all. Only the necessities. And I still have 2 squids left! I am a shopping GENIUS.

_**Home**_

It's only right I try out my make-up. And lip gloss. Not for Rollo who is coming over in 15 minutes. Not at all. But purely for common sensical reasons. But I better HURRY.

_**10 minutes later**_

Right EXTREMELY subtle-type make-up in place. Now I just got to clean up my room.

_**2 minutes later**_

Why does Libby insist on putting my knickers on display for all to see? Why?

_**30 seconds later**_

Better close my window, I do not want surprise kitty cat interruptions.

_**3 seconds later**_

Not that there will be anything to interrupt. But they are twits and highly annoying. And may perform kitty porn. No one wants that.

_**3 minutes later**_

Right. All done. I have no idea where El Baldo is and I prefer to keep it that way. He's knocking. Oh my God, this is going to be so awkward!!

_**5 minutes later**_

He said he needed to lie down. So I let him. No biggie. I let hot boys that love me lie on my bed all the time. And nothing ever happens. NNNNNOOOOOTTTTT! Lord Sandra's beard! What if he thinks I have given him a sign? A I-want-you-to-snog-me-on-my-bed sign? What if my red-bottom takes over? What if he does snog me and my brain falls out? What if he has a secret obsession with voles? AAAAHHHH! Shut up brain! SHUT UP!!

_**2 minutes later**_

Oh my God. And I thought it couldn't get worse. I was wrong. W-R-O-N-G my friends. How could I be stupid enough to think Uncle Eggy would leave me in peace? I was sitting there on my desk chair and Rollo was lying on my bed with his eyes closed when the worst thing possible happened. El Baldy showed up in full-feathered stripper-gear. He still had permanent marker writing all over his sad forehead. I kidd you not. A bald man in a feather cod-piece and a bowtie and cuffs is not something I am likely to mistake.

"GEORGIA! You wouldn't come see me in gear so I came to you! Free of charge!"

"Go away! You are molestering my mind with your indecent exposure! This is most probably incest! And pedophilic! And-"

"Hahahaha! Who is your friend?"

Rollo opened his eyes and looked at Eddy, I thought he was going to fall off my bed.

He said, "Oh my God!!"

Eddy smiled, "Drink it all in 'cos next time I charge!"

Rollo ignored him, "Gee, why is there a bald stripper in your room?!"

"Rollo this is my uncle."

Rollo looked at him like he was a mad man (which, incidentally, he is).

Eddy did some disgusting dance moves and pranced out of my room singing 'Rawhide'.

"Wasn't he the one that was, er, talking to Dave last time?"

"Yes. But I prefer to pretend he doesn't exist, for obvious reasons."

Rollo nodded. "So are you going to tell me what happened last night? Or do I have to wrestle that diary out of your hands?"

I hid my diary behind my back.

"Fine fine. Picky picky Rollo. But you better stay down since it's pretty, er, yeah. Just listen."

_**5 minutes later**_

Rollo is just staring at the roof with no expression on his face after I showed him my special talent. No, not that you saucy minxes! My rambling talent (no, not the vole kind). The one I usually keep in the privacy of my head.

"You know, our Lord Sandra gave you the power of speech Rollo, _use it_."

"Um.. bla… gah."

"Oh truly fantastic attempt."

He sighed.

"I'm just so stupid. I can't bloody believe it. And your still talking to me after I was such a wanker?"

"Errr… yes."

"Now everyone hates me. EVERYONE."

Oh for the love (however strange, we must not deny it's existence) of Eddy's cod piece he was going to make me say it.

"I don't."

Dammit! Romance moment!! Ahhh! Dèjá vú!

"Errr… and Jas doesn't."

It was turning into a strange ménage a trios moment! NOOO! He is French but I don't think that he is not into that sort of thing! At least I hope not…

"and Tom and Dec and Rosie and Sven and Ellen and Justin and-"

"I get it. But they still mad at me. Are you mad?"

YES YES AND THRICE YES!! But I couldn't say that. It was too mean. And he is sick.

"Errr… I was. But now I am er, yeah."

"Well that's good. Bloody hell I can't believe I called Dave a retard!"

"You actually said he was a fucking retard."

"Crap on a pear. Shitake mushrooms. Aw crap. Why am I such a asshole?"

I nodded like a what-si-ma-call-it. I shall let him vent. No not air-vent you dim people. Honestly. I am so vair tired and I have to deal with 'special' people like you. I simply meant that I will let him vent his feelings, anger and so forth. See? Learn something new everyday.

_**10 minutes later**_

Finally Rollo has shut up. He looked at me.

"I think you know what you have to do Rollo."

I raised my eyebrows and nodded wisely though for the life of me I had no idea what in the name of voles he was going on about. It seemed to be the right thing to say as he nodded seriously and sat up. He winced and steadied himself.

"You right Gee. And I am going to start with you."

What?!

"I am so so sorry for the pain, humiliation and awkwardness I caused you last night by my stupid and selfish actions. Please forgive me even though I so clearly don't deserve it."

"Um… ok sure."

He gave me his bestest smile.

"Thanks. For everything Gee. You're the best."

He gave me a hug and didn't quite let go. There was a bit of oh-is-that-my-hand-slipping-towards-your-big-red-bottom? on his behalf. I spazzed out of the hug. He was looking down at his sneakers.

"Errrr… right. I best be, er, yeah. Bye Gee."

"Tatty bye Rollo."

He left my room and I heard Eddy harassing him on his way out.

"Rollo! yes I see that! You and Georgia ey? Ey?? Ah you a rough one, innuit? She's with, ahem, Dave. But anywho. Shall I show you my new leather cod piece sometime? It has metal studs and fits sooo snugly."

Etc etc. I wanted to DIE! Eventually Rollo managed to escape and Eddy returned to shining his head or whatever he was doing before he was being a general nuisance to me and Rollo.

_**8 pm **_

God I am so bored. I can hear Eddy getting 'amped' for his long night. His crap music has reached deafening heights. I think I will do my good deed of the day in as a way of showing Baby Jesus that I am thankful for him being so kind as to give me a Laugh God who I love and who loves me.

"UNCLE EDDY!!"

"GEORGIA! COME BOOGEY WITH ME!"

"Errrr.. NO! I THINK I SHOULD TELL YOU THAT YOU HAVE WRITING ON YOUR FOREHEAD! I HAVE NO IDEA HOW IT GOT THERE!"

"I KNOW! I THINK IT ADDS AN AUTHENTIC TOUCH!"

_Ce'est le point?_

_**9 pm**_

Phone's ringing. I will have to go answer it. As per usual.

_**Half an hour later**_

Just had a nice long talk with Dave. Which was nice since the olds weren't here and I could say things like 'I want to eat your shirt' without adults (hmpf) listening and their rudey-dudey minds getting all suspicious.

_**10 pm**_

Swiss family mad have finally arrived home. There was much crashing and banging. Angus started howling and Gordy joined in. Oh lovely.

"GEE! EDDY! WE ARE HOME!!"

Eddy ran down the stairs and got into his clown car to go to 'work'. Mutti came to say hello. Dear lord.

"Hey Gee! I forgot to ask how the party was."

"It was fine."

"Oh how 'cool'. Hehe! We had such fun today! You should have come! Libby sang her poo song and we got kicked out of TopShop!"

"I can't believe I missed it."

She was so sad she actually thought I meant it. She left though. I shall use this time to sleep. After I get some food and wash up. Face mask and scrub the WHOLE petunia.

_**11 pm**_

Rightio, now that I am all tuckered out by the sheer pamperosity I can sleep. Pushed my cupboard in front of the door to ward off evil (ie Libby) and OOOOOHHHHHMMMM.

_**10 minutes later**_

I will never be able to sleep over all this noise the prat poodles are making. Hones-

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz


	19. I Am A Sex Beist!

Sunday

**Hey mannnnnnn**

**Can I just saw wow? I mean it, wow! 55 reviews! Thanks so much to qwertyuiop098 who reviewed every chappie! I felt very special when I was reading through all the reviews. It just goes to show what different ways you want this FF to end. So please with a cherry on top of the sundae of life can you go to my profile and vote? Thanks. But also I think I have the correct ending but I need some reader willing to give me their opinion on it. I don't want to end it on a really crap note. So anyone willing to spoil the story for themselves in for the good of my FF? I only need one person. **

**Big news! I met Meg Cabot! I know amazing. And by met I mean she said, that is supposed to be a heart and I laughed while she signed my book. We did say hello though. Still yay! Haha I probably sound so pathetic right now. But still, whatever. Also I rowed my first regatta and came first. Something really hilarious happened there but I will sneakily fit it into my FF. Again I am begging you to update your FF's. I am having serious withdrawals. Like the kind where you practically stalk anyone who looks remotely like Tommy Bastow. That is so sad. I will probably get a sign stamped on me soon saying 'stay away from the stalker' by fascists. That is the sadnosity of withdrawals. So update soonio! Also yay to that thingy ma-jig that happened not so long ago. Yeah I don't really know what is happening. Leave me. but now I have a chappie which is a bit of a filler but, well, can't say. Don't ever put your authors notes in the beginning. Unless you are very forgetful. Like me. So review if you enjoy, review if you don't. Critism is still appreciated. I know I can improve. And yes, those are genuine examples, I got them online. The French are very passionate, non? Plus sorry for the long wait and really short, rather crappy chappie. And I do love writing Uncle Eddy, he has such comedic potential. **

**Love **

**Mel**

**Xxxxx**

_**Sunday **_

_**9 pm **_

_**Errr, am**_

Why in the name of Miss Stamps mustache would anyone play really crap rap music at deafening heights? Why would they? And why in the name of Lord Sandra's beauty regime does that pathetic article have to live next door to me? Why? What have I done to deserve this? I will SCORN Oscar for doing this to me. I will set Sven in all of his foreign glory on him. I needed that peaceful sleep. I am a growing teenager and so forth. But I do need to put on clothes now. I am not liking my gigantibus pajamas.

_**20 minutes later**_

Oh my bald uncle's head! This is hilarious! Oscar is doing mad, free and liberal dancing by his window! Hahaha! It looks like he is having a fit! Ahahahaha! I wonder how long he has been dancing? His pants are so low they might just fall off.

_**30 seconds later**_

Ahahaha! They did! This is brilliant! He is still dancing like a homie or something in his Spiderman unmentionables! This is quite possibly the funniest thing I have seen since Jas fell in that ditch. Or maybe I pushed her. Either way hilarious in anybody's books. Except Jassy but she doesn't count. Oscar is still dancing with his trousers around his ankles. I wish Dave was here. He loves this kind of comedic value.

_**5 minutes later**_

How freaky deaky! I think Dave and I share a telepathic connection since just as I was wishing how he would be here he showed up! Yes! He started snogging me but I politely pulled back and pointed out the comedic genius that is quite literally at my window. Then we were both larfing and larfing a lorra when Oscar turned around. He went tomato and pulled up his pants pronto.

Dave said, "Oi! Fantastic dancing, mate, what do you call that one? The spaz?"

"At least I can dance! I'd like to see you try!"

Dave, as everyone knows, is a really, er, good dancer. And he knows it. So he stood up and did his best dance move. Oscar, clearly defeated, glared at us and closed his curtains. He put his music louder and Mr. Across-the-Road started screaming at him. Mrs. Across-the-Road joined in and it was literally a screaming match. Me and Dave sat and watched the whole thing.

_**2 minutes later**_

They finally shut up. There was no music and Oscar had stormed off.

Dave said, "I love your house, you don't even need a television. This is quite entertaining enough. It makes me escaping out of my window to visit you worth it. And, of course, so does the snogging."

"You cheeky minx. But why didn't you just use the door like a normal person Dave?"

"Stay with me Gee here, keyword: escape. So because a) I am not entirely normal and b) my mum and Sophia went shopping and hid away all the house keys."

"Yes, well my Mutti and Vati have passed out."

"Mutti? Let me guess, mum is naff."

"But of course, _Monsieur_."

"I do agree with you there, _mon chéri_, mum is naff."

He nodded wisely and raised his eyebrows. He pulled a dead serious face. It kind of gave me the horn. I hit him with a pillow and he pounced on me. Tickly bears!! And we all know where this will end, cough number 6, er… cough?

_**1 minute later**_

Hahahaha! My sides are killing me! I am spluttering like a fule.

"Hahaha! No Dave! Stop it!!"

"What will you give me if I stop?"

"Anything!!"

He stopped. Oh God's pajamas! What have I just agreed to?!

_**15 minutes later**_

Oh my giddy God. Dave is so dead. Honestly. I cannot believe what he made me do. Do you know what it was? No you don't since you are not of the Mystic Meg variety. Unless your name is Mystic Meg and you wear pigtails. In that case go away. But to the rest of you I shall tell you what Dave did. He made has made me promise never to eat snails. I don't know why. And I don't really want to know either. It's not like I would eat snails anyway, I am not of the Froggy variety. _C'est le point_?

_**Half an hour later**_

I will tell you what HAS NO point. My Mutti and Vati and Uncle Eddy. And Libby too for that matter but she is young and can be reformed. Honestly. Me and Dave come downstairs in search of food and they practically attack us. I would say El Baldo is innocent, as he is asleep on the couch, but there is nothing innocent about a fat, bald man in a feather cod piece. Nothing. But Mutti and Vati have no excuse, Libby either. Except maybe that she is of the toddley folk kind. We walk in the kitchen mentally scarred and they did little to help. Mutti got all sad and nunga thrusting towards Dave, Vati got out his suspicious mind and went all Spanish Inquisition on Dave, (how long have you been here? When did you get here? Why did you two both just come from Georgia's room?), which all mean the same thing: did you two just get to number 10? Which we never but that is the suspicious and dirty kind of minds grown-ups have. Dave answered correctly and truthfully but then Libby ruined it all by saying, "Uggy, Davey and Gingey have been BED SNOGGLING!!"

Then she ran out of the room laughing like Santa and a pig's child. I see where the pig part comes from but the Santa part stumps even the most knowledgeable.

The bed thing was enough to send Vati over the edge and he got all red and ballistimus and I thought a fisticuffs between him and Dave was going to happen (which would be sad on his part since he would most certainly lose), but then Mutti got involved and patted him on the shoulder and told him to calm down. Dave and I just stood there like goosegogs and eventually Vati calmed down and they gave us the talk again. I am not pulling your leg, I am not a lesbian. As if it wasn't bad enough I still had to eat after that.

_**4 pm**_

Dave has left since his Mutti phoned and threatened to sell him on ebay. This is how the convo went;

Me: Hello

Dave's Mutti: Hello Georgia. Please may I have a word with David?

Me: Errr, yeah sure. DAVE! _(Dave arrives by the phone)_

Dave: It is I, groovester extraordinaire.

Dave's Mutti _(screaming so loud Dave holds phone away from head and I can hear her)_: DAVID ISAAC SMITH HOW DARE YOU SNEAK OUT WHILE YOU ARE GROUNDED!! I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU WOULD DO THIS AGAIN AFTER WHAT HAPPENED LAST TIME! _(raves on in that manner for eons, Dave does mad dance to pass time)_

Dave: Ah yes Mutti but now I answer you're question with a question of my own, how did you get Gee's number?

Dave's Mutti: I dialed the one you have with a heart around it! _(Dave goes red! Hahaha!)_ Now get down here this instant! You are in soo much trouble young man!! _(slams down phone, Dave feeling left out slams down phone as well, Vati throws him a warning look)_

All in all a vair vair entertaining convo. But then Dave left. I shall be one of those Frogs-legs-a-gogo women who wear headscarf's and smoke a lot. They seem to handle the loss of a lover very well. Not that Dave is my lover, just my boy-fwend soul mate fandango.

_**7pm **_

God I am so bored. I think I will improve my French so that Rollo will not have to tutor me. Yes that is a great plan. Right first off some basic sentences in correct French…

_**5 minutes later**_

This is brilliant, the textbook is so strange. These are just some of the examples:

**What was most surprising was that he jumped from the window.**

_- Ce qui est le plus surprenant, c'est qu'il a sauté par la fenêtre._

**What will you suffer for that useless person you love so much?**

_Combien vas-tu encore souffrir pour ce bon à rien que tu aimes tant ?_

I **want you to love me passionately tonight, baby.**

_- Je veux que tu m'aimes passionnément ce soir, mon chéri._

Honestly, I kidd you not. That is the sadnosity of my life. And French textbooks. I don't even want to imagine the kind of reaction those kind of examples could cause my red bottom to make when Rollo and I go over them, oh my giddy God's pajamas. Horrific really. Though it has to be said that le Froggy are a vair _passionnément_ bunch.

_**5 seconds later**_

Not that I would know.

_**5 seconds later**_

At all. I have erased that incident from my mind cavity. Even though it was quite literally a marvy and fantastic snog. It never happened. At all.

_**30 seconds later**_

And Dave snogs better. That is le fact.

_**5 minutes later**_

Oh my goat I have bad snogging withdrawals. I shall snog the back of my hand. And yes I do have a goat. Ivor. He is invisible and likes cheese.

_**10 minutes later**_

Blimey o' Riley's shoulder pad this is not working. I feel like a fule. I will just imagine it is my sexy Laugh God.

_**2 minutes later**_

OH MY GIDDY GOD'S PAJAMA'S!! I cannot believe Uncle Eddy! I was being all into my hand snog and so forth when he pranced in (without knocking) and took a picture of me. I HATE him! He was laughing like a proverbial drain. I thought he was going to split his tights which would have been a miracle in itself since he wasn't wearing any. I glared at him laughing his head off then I quite literally took the bison by the hindmost and pounced on him. I took his pathetic camera thingy. Oh my sack, I can't believe that is how I look when I snog. It is quite literally shocking. My nose is all red and huge and I look like I am eating my hand. It must be deleted.

_**30 seconds later**_

How do you delete?!

_**1 minute later**_

I have done it. Unfortunately I have also been scarred for life by the photo that replaced my piccie: Uncle Eggy giving some sad lady a lap dance. Erlack!! I politely threw a shoe at him and told him to leave or face punishment worse than death. He went sooo slowly. And he is so fat he waddles. How does he find cod pieces that fit him? Why would anyone knowingly make gigantibus cod pieces? No one should see a fat bloke in a cod piece. Imagine making cod pieces for a living. You would probably be so sad that you would have to do speed-dating. This is probably how it would go;

Hi I am Randy!

Hi Randy! I'm Cindy!

Nice meeting you.

Tell me about yourself Randy.

I make gigantibus feather cod pieces for a living.

…….

How sad and pathetico. Remind me never to think of cod piece makers again, they are too sad and rudey-dudey. I can hear Mutti and Vati snogging downstairs. Erlack. I think Libby is in the airing cupboard with her 'frwens'.

_**15 minutes later**_

Bloody hell! And also Crikey! Why, Lord Sandra, WHY?! I cannot believe what is on my hand!! I have a love bite! On my hand! That my boyfriend never gave to me! How will I explain this to people? Oh don't mind this love bite, I was snogging my hand all free and akimbo when I discovered a bald stripper in my room and now I have a love bite. That will go down well, won't it? Why always me?

_**Half an hour later**_

I'll call Rosie. She is bound to have some advice. She and Sven are vair vair supportive of snogging and love bites. She'll know how to get it away.

_**1 minute later**_

Ringing….

"NO I DON'T CARE IF YOU ARE SCARED OF BEARDS, CHARLOTTE, I REFUSE NOT TO WEAR IT! NOW GET YOUR ARSE DOWN HERE! EVERYONE IS WAITING!!"

She is quite literally mad. I could here Sven 'o jah'ing in the background.

"Rosie it's me, Gee."

"Sorry. I thought you were my cousin. She refuses to come here because I am wearing my beard."

"Errrr… okay. Ro-Ro I am in quite a pickle."

"A pickle? That is a bit barmy, even for you Gee."

"No I simply mean that I have a problem, that is my nub and gist."

"Ah… let me go fetch my pipe."

There was a bit of scuffling and Sven came to the phone.

"Geeeeeeee! I am a Sex Beist!! Jah!! Yes baby! My chicky is one hot piece of ass!! O jah o jah!"

Then there was some squelching noises. Oh dear God they were snogging again. Rosie came back on.

"Yes, Georgia dearest. What is your problem?"

"Errrr… I have a love bite. On my hand. That no one must know of. How do I get rid of it?"

"You cheeky minx! What have you and Dave been up to?"

"No actually I was, er… snogging my hand. Snogging withdrawal and so forth. Now how do I get rid of it?"

"Well I usually put fish paste on mine. Clears it up in about 2 hours. Though the fish entrances Sven and he just does it again."

Oh dear _Gott in Himmel_. There is no way I am putting fish on my hand. Not that there is any in this house.

_**11 pm**_

Make up. That is the answer. Now I need to sleep. Now.


	20. I Am The Only Student

5 minutes later

**Hey pet**

**Ah yes. I am not feeling to well. And my hands hurt from excessive typing. Check my journal, its got a nice long entry. I have been sick and haven't gone to school. So I read the little FF updated and then I went onto YouTube. Ah the joy. Accidental porn aside, YouTube still rocks. Found some **_**tres tres**_** amusing things. Well I found them funny. The first is a vid called 'do the grudge (watch out Macarena)' quite literally brilliant. Next are Basshunter songs. But in Swedish. So I got a vid with sub-titles. Laughed my head off. And the songs pretty good to. It is boten anna (English). And it reminds me of Sven immensely. I think Basshunter IS Sven in, what?, 6 years. Watch it and I am sure you will agree. Also try another Basshunter Swedish song, dotA (English), or something like that. Those Swedes like random music. The lyrics are hilarious. And BassHunter really can't dance. Brilliant in every sense of the word. I hope it entertains you as much as it did me. Btw I have no idea what Sven is saying to Dave and Gee. I do not speak Swedish, I used random YouTube comments. Ahh internet. )**

**Luv**

**Mel**

**Xxx**

**PS: I am so so so sorry for the long wait for my update! My internet is beyond stuffed. My modem died on me and I couldn't post ANYTHING. Even though I actually had this chappie ready on Thursday night. I am so sorry. Also had rowing camp. It may have scarred me for life. We got sent to a rehab center (well the sign said a 'spiritual and healing center' which is rehab in anyone's books) and we lived in zulu thatch and twig huts (google it if you want to laugh, they the yellow thatch round ones) with cows in a cow kraal just 3 meters away from the huts. Which btw COWS STINK!! We slept on the ground (which was made of dried cow poop) and there was NO ELECTRICITY. I nearly died. Btw I have to be quick stick since my phone bill is going to be atrocious I am using my phone to connect to the internet and it is charging me R2 a megabyte. So :'( **

_**5 minutes later**_

Not happening. Why do the prat poodles have to howl at pain? Angus tortures them in silence, why don't they die in it? Let us living things sleep and so forth. I will have to sing myself to sleep.

_**30 seconds later**_

I cannot sing to save my life. Its all screechy and old-lady like. And it just make them howl louder. I will never get any sleep at this rate.

_**2 minutes later**_

Angus and Gordy have started yowling. Why? They could shut up, I have seen them do it. Why don't they do it now?

_**5 minutes later**_

Oh my giddy God's pajamas will it ever end?! Libby has started screaming out the window. I will never sleep through this racket. Its like the parade of Crap Town has decided to parade down our-

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

_**Monday **_

_**Mantra for the day: I am the human Sex Kitty**_

_**8 am**_

Sun shining like a big shiny thing! Yesssss! Its fine'n'sunny in merry ol' England! For once. Did quick celebratory dance. Well I started to until I saw Oscar Across-The-Road watching me. Closed my curtains. Stupid perv. And to think I usually get changed here. Erlack!! Never again. Still nothing can get in the way of my fantabloolistic mood (that is not an easy word to say or spell). Not even a junior perv. Cousin James is now perving over the great seven seas or something to that effect. Octopuses and starfish of the sorts. Ah well. Better them than my nungas.

_**10 minutes later**_

Lalalalala! I have a song in my heart! And do you know what it is? Nooooo you don't so nanananana!!

_**5 seconds later**_

Oh hot dam! This is my jam! Keep me partying till the AM!

_**5 minutes later**_

Not even the accidental sight of Mutti in her bra and jeans can ruin my good mood. Though it did ruin my solo twist. Which is a pity. Still lalala! Grabbed some toast and gave Libby a kiss on the head. Why is there Rice Crispies in her hair? Where did she get them? Plain toast is not very tasty. Put some lip gloss on and ran out.

_**Half a second later**_

Bumped into Dave.

"Morning Hornmeister."

"Ah KittyKat. Gorgy as usual I see. Nungas perky, hair fluffy."

My mouth fell open.

"My hair is NOT fluffy!"

"Hmmmm… maybe not but the nungas are vair perky this morn."

"That is disgusting. Don't talk about my nungas that way."

"You know you love it Gee. And you know I love your nungas. Now do I get a snog for waking up early and running like a loon to your house first thing in the morning?"

I will ignorez vous him. He cannot think that he can talk about my nungas that way and get away with it. Even what he did is vair vair sweet and nice of him.

"Do not make me beg. You know I will."

He gave me a look. I raised my eyebrows and he raised his. I raised mine higher and he did the same and then I raised mine to new, previously impossible heights. He dropped his eyebrows and sighed.

"Fine. Be like that. I don't-"

Snogged him. Teehee.

_**3 minutes later**_

Stopped snogging. We just talking now. Though Dave does have his arm around me. Just like old times. He really does make me laugh. About silly things. Though he is vair vair and I promise vair full of hilariosity. And that is le truth. Saw Jas on her wall.

"Well no wonder you're late Georgia. I sit here everyday waiting for you. I see Dave run past like a mad man possessed 20 minutes ago and he doesn't even say hello now you both arrive 10 minutes later. That is so typico of you two-"

Dave cut her off by singing, "Ramble on!  
And now's the time, the time is now  
To sing my song.  
I'm goin' round the world,  
I got to find my girl, on my way.  
I've been this way ten years to the day, ramble on,  
Gotta find the queen of all my dreams!"

Then he snogged me. Jas jumped off her wall and huffed off.

"You are the queen, Gee."

Oh so that's what he was on about in the woods! He is so sweet. Even if he is a bit on the bonkers side. Aren't we all.

_**School **_

Hawkeye gave me the look of death when me and Jas walked past. So nice to have her back on greeting duty. Not.

_**Assembly **_

Blah blah blah your words matter not to me Slim. And your fat feet disturb me. I think I will just mind sleep for a while.

_**German**_

Oh God these people are stupid. I just want to think about Dave and the stupid twits I call my friends keep snapping their fingers in my face and saying, "Earth to Georgia, earth to?"

I politely replied to Jas, "Seeing as we are on the topic of spacey things, your spaceship has arrived. Why don't you get in it and GO AWAY."

She immediately got in a huff with me and gave everyone a midget gem but me. Not that I wanted one, I suspect she hides them in her gigantibus knickers. I can just see them now, billowing and bustling in the light summer breeze. Erlack!!

Herr is blathering on about Kochs and all the kinds of _wunder wurst_ (wonderful suasages, you non-foreign people. Learn the language dammit! I am soo vair tired don't bother me again) they eat. How interesting and so very life changing.

_**Break**_

Rosie is moaning on about her cousin. We all listened for about 2 minutes then I gave up and started thinking about Dave. Ahhhh. Much nicer. He is such a fittie.

_**5 minutes later**_

Bugger! Stop snapping your fingers in my face! Snap them elsewhere, fools! Argh!

_**After school**_

In a bad mood. Came outside. At least Dave was there. Unfortunately so was Rollo and Tom. And Sven but he doesn't count since he was running around the school yodeling. Something is not right in his head. Rollo was glaring at the floor. Dave was glaring at Rollo and Tom was standing there like a goosegog. Jas ran up to him and he nuzzled his neck. I went up to Dave and gave him a hug. He kissed my cheek.

"Sorry I can't come over today. My Mutti has gone ballistimus and grounded me further for sneaking out. I actually have 5 minutes to run home before she sends Sophia after me."

I nodded. It is so hard being the girlfriend of a Biscuit. That is what most people do not realize. He gave me a soft kiss and turned to leave.

"I'll call you tonight, ey?"

He smiled his crinkly smile, "You better KittyKat. Tell my Mutti or Sophia it is Mr. Douglas if they ask. Speak in a manly voice, you know I love it, I have a plan."

Sven ran up to us, "Du suger! Du suger på engelska! Du suger på svenska! Undra vad som är längsta svenska ordet som inte har flera betydelser i ett. Alltså inte tex. "korvkiosk" då "korv" och "kiosk" är två olika ord sammansatta för att bilda ett tredje. Mekkora nagy baromság! Nesze neked, tanulj könnyen svédül! O Jah o Jah! Chickeys!"

Errrr. Right. Rosie snogged him, "Oh Sven! I love it when you talk foreign."

They ran off. Literally ran. Dave smiled again and ran like the wind. I walked on with Jas, Tom and strangely enough Rollo. Well if he can't even say hello to me, why should I say hello to him?

_**5 minutes later**_

The Voley Couple are deep in conversation. Probably talking about the strangely shaped twig Hunky recently found. God I hope me and Dave never get that boring.

Po is saying, "… been like this all day. I don't know why."

Hunky nodded, "Yeah same for him. Won't talk to us or anything."

"Same with her! She's been glaring at the floor and everything."

"Yes!"

"But why? She was fine this morning."

They were talking about me!! How dare they! And I am right here!

"He's been busy in his book. All day. I thought Dave was going to slaughter him but he was just ignoring it like it never happened. Its unlike him. I don't understand what's going on."

And Rollo! I looked at Rollo. He was staring straight ahead and was frowning.

"Hey Rollo."

"Oh. Hi."

"Sorry to ask but why exactly are you going this why? Have Hunky and Po promised to teach you the way of the Twig Worshipper?"

"Haha. Funny. And Po and Hunky?"

But he wasn't laughing. Strange.

"Erm, nevermind. Then why?"

He looked at me. He looked like

"To tutor you. I got time and you got homework."

Oh right… wow this is going to be awkward. I nodded like a mute. Po'n'Hunky were staring at us.

_**Jas' house**_

Jas is giving me and Rollo her special fishy look. Tom too. Why? Do they honestly think my red bottom is THAT bad?

_**5 seconds later**_

Oh for the love of Jehovah's witness don't answer that.

_**Walking home **_

Weeeellll this isn't awkward. Not. But this time I will not

try break the silence (as usually I say something stupid and my brain doesn't listen)

start dancing (even though I am the Groovinator)

stare at Rollo like he is staring at me (results in snogging or walking into poles)

I will just walk down the road in a Norma the Normal way. Who isn't even normal since who is even called Norma? I'll tell you who, an UNNORMAL person that's who. Maybe if it was Julia the Normal or Ashley the Normal or Emily the Normal or any normal name it would make sense. But it isn't. It's some fule with the sad excuse of a name Norma who gets to wear the normal tag. Even Georgia the Normal would be better. It does have a certain ring to it…. (and no I do not mean it literally rings, I mean that it – for the love of potatoes google it).

"What are you thinking about Gee?"

"Norma the Potato."

WHAT?! WHY DID I SAY THAT?! Anything would have been better. ANYTHING. Well, okay maybe not anything. But- Shut up brain!

"Errrr, wait, not that. I was thinking of World Peace. Kumbaya and flowers and so forth. You know?"

Oh lovely. My brain has decided to take a little trip to the Land of the Criminally Insane. Unfortunately it has decided to drag me with it.

"Ah of course Gee."

He nodded wisely.

"It is. Don't judge me."

"Wouldn't dream of it."

"And what is on your mind?"

"Oh nothing."

It was then that we arrived in front of _Casa Crap_. Angus immediately jumped on Rollo's trousers and started to eat them.

"What?! Georgia what the hell is happening?!"

"ANGUS DOWN! DOWN BOY! BAD!!"

But my screaming at him only seemed to set something off in his furry brain. He went all free and wild with his claws as well now.

"Oh my God! Sorry Rollo! He is a Scottish wildcat and sometimes here's the call of the wild!"

"Um… okay. Just get him off!"

"I'll go fetch the broom!!"

_**3 minutes later**_

Beating Angus off Rollo's trousers with a broom. Rollo is jumping around like a loon. That is not making my cat beating easier. I may have accidentally hit his legs rather hard a couple thousand times. Angus is hanging on for all he is worth. And that is a lot judging by how hard he is hanging on. Libby and Gordy have come out to watch. Nice. Libby is saying, "No bad, bad Gingey! Leave kitty ALONE!"

Angus is enjoying it though. He loves a good beating.

_**30 seconds later**_

He just jumped off of Rollo's trousers! Like nothing happened! Then he ran over to Naomi's love cabin (Prat Poodles kennel). I swear. And he was PURRING. Ouch bugger! I think that crap broom gave me a splinter!

_**2 minutes later**_

Just washed my hands, not a splinter. Dirt. Rollo is staring at his trousers. Amazing the are still in one piece, no major rips or tears…

"Well I guess your cat likes me. Not."

"Actually he does, you should see what he did to the police mans pants."

Rollo looked disbelievingly at his own pants.

"Holy mother that is some cat."

It was then that Mutti bustled in. Nungas forward and proudly on display. Erlack!

"Do you two need anything?"

"Errr… no thanks Mrs Nicolson."

Mutti giggled. Honestly. I wanted to DIE. "You can call me Connie, Rollo."

"Mum! Go away!"

"Georgia! Manners!"

But she left.

_**Half an hour later**_

God French is a stupid language. I am so bored. I never knew how boring Rollo could be. All he does is go on and on in French. I can't even sleep like I usually do in Froggy class since I AM THE ONLY STUDENT.

_**2 minutes later**_

I was writing something down in Froggy when Rollo grabbed my hand.

"What the hell is this?"

Oh my God! I had forgotten about the hand love-bite! I pulled my hand back quickly.

"Nothing."

"No it is something!"

"Might be, but its still non of your business!"

I glared at him. Which may have been a little harsh but frankly I don't give a olive branch.

"Fine then Georgia be like that. Now what's grammatically incorrect with this sentence?"

He is sooo annoying.

_**15 minutes later**_

Phone rang. I leaped up like a leapy thing. Any more of le gay francis and I may jump out of my window.

"Hello!!"

"Crikey Georgia! That glad to hear from me?"

"Rosie you have no idea! It's like French hell here!"

"I didn't know you were French."

"I'm not. But Madame Slack made me get a tutor. Now I am suicidal."

"Ah oui my frog. I too am bored beyond belief. Can I dump Charlotte on you for a while? Sven and I need to snog."

"Um ok. But only for half an hour. And-"

"Thanks! Pip pip!"

She hung up on me. When I arrived back at my boudoir I found Rollo holding Dave's black jacket.

"Why do you have this?"

"Because I want it. And Dave gave it to me."

Well, he hadn't asked for it back.

"But it's a guys jacket."

"No duh."

We glared at each other.

_**10 seconds later**_

Still glaring.

_**30 seconds later**_

Still glaring. Bloody hell its like a glare-a-thon.

_**2 seconds later **_

Doorbell rang. I jumped about half a mile. Rollo laughed like a… a…. pathetic laughy-at-not-funny thing. That's what he laughed like. I ran down the stairs.

"ROSIE!"

She was standing there with Sven and another weedy girl with curly hair.

"Sound the lezzie alarm. But yes, my little petunia, it is I."

"God I am dying here, Rollo takes Froggy so bloody seriously. He-"

"ROLLO is here?!"

"Errr… yes."

"God Dave won't be happy about that. But I guess that leaves you company. Bye Charlotte, Gee! And Charr, stay away from Gee's Vati, beardy-a-gogo!"

She jumped on Sven's back and he ran off. Good God. Charlotte stood there like a blinker. She also had glasses.

"Er, come in."

When I turned around Rollo was standing at the bottom of the stairs looking at me. He looked thoughtful. More than usual.

"Oh er, Charlotte this is Rollo, my friend who also tutors me in French. I mean he tutors me the language. Not just talks in French. That wouldn't be much help…" Oh God shut UP "Yes, yes. Um Rollo this is Rosie's cousin. Charlotte I think."

Charlotte went red and looked at the floor.

"Er, hi. Nice to meet you."

She squeaked like the human mouse. Rollo immediately changed. He smiled wide and crossed his arms so his muscles flexed. Phwoar!!

"Nice to meet you Charlotte. I look forward to getting to know you. You seem like such a nice person. Maybe we can be friends? I mean if you want."

What was going on? Charlotte went even redder.

"Yes that would be nice I suppose."

"Well, its my friend Dave's birthday tomorrow so we all going out for lunch. Would you like to come with me?"

What?! His birthday?! WHY DOES NOBODY TELL ME THIS?! And also why did Rollo just ask Charlotte out? I thought he 'loved' me! Not that I mind or anything… besides she wasn't even his type! She was weedy and swotty! And Rollo's not. What is going on here?! Weed went even redder, so she was now that attractive purpley-red shade.

"Errrrr okay!"

"Wow! We are going to have so much fun! I just can't wait to get to know you. You really seem to interest me. You don't seem like a bad, RED-bottomed minx do you?"

How dare he! That was just below the belt! Of all the mean and horrible things to say…!

Weedy Swot looked a bit confused, "Er, nooooo…"

I stood there like an angry goosegog. Rollo just kept complimenting WS (Weedy Swot) and she just went redder. What was worse is that he kept making snide comments about me in his compliments. I just kept getting angrier and angrier.

"Charlotte you have such a cute nose! So small and pretty. I never noticed it earlier. I think big noses must be the worst thing to have, you just can't hide them can you?"

WS giggled like a pathetic elf, "I suppose so. You have quite a nice nose yourself."

I let out a little shrieky thing. I was that angry.

Rollo smirked at me, "Why Gee, what's wrong? You look just a little bit, hmmm how can I put this, angry almost?"

I was furious. I wanted to rip his head off and let Angus do what he wanted with the rest of Rollo.

"OH NO! What could EVER make you think that, Raul?! I just LOVE standing here! Just as much as I LOVE having UNINVITED guests! AH yes! The absolute JOY I feel at having my TUTOR just pop over whenever he wants to TEACH is what I am feeling NOW!!"

Then I turned around and ran up to my room. And you know what? He didn't even follow me. But I got better things to do, world peace, end world hunger, presents to find etc.

_**10 seconds later**_

Oh my God! I have presents to find! Why did I spend all of my prize money?! Now I will have to use my savings!

_**2 minutes later**_

Hmmmm… 4 quid. Nice. Not. Ah wait I have the fiver from when Mutti and Vati left me to fend for myself!

_**30 seconds later**_

Rightio! 9 quid! Errr… I will search the house for loose change.

_**15 minutes later**_

Found one fiver in Libby's room, a box of cereal in Mutti's bra drawer (erlack) and two fivers in Vati's drawer. Along with a book on improving your quality of life, love and living in your middle-aged years. Which I really didn't want to find. But woohoo! 24 quid! Now the question is what do I buy Dave? I will go window shopping. Stupid guests, stuff them.

_**1 minute later**_

Oh God! Erlack erlack erlack a pongoes! They cuddling on my bloody couch! Who knew WS was such a tart?! Rollo looked at me when I came down. I must of done my fish impersonation, which may be tip top on the impersonating front but is still not attractive.

"Alright Gee?"

Bloody hell of course I am alright! Why wouldn't I be?

"Better than an alrighty-almighty thing on an alright day in Right Land I tell you! I am going shopping."

Rollo raised one eyebrow and WS just stared.

"Now. Bye."

And I ran out.

_**1 hour later**_

And 20 shops later. I tell you a Biscuit is very hard to shop for. That is no lie. I finally found him the perfect gift. It is a shirt that says on the front, "Its rude to stare." Then on the back, "But you know I like it.". Its so Dave. Finally. And I still got 6 quid for my savings account. Which is at the well known bank, Knicker Drawer.

_**10 minutes later**_

Okay maybe only 1 quid. But that deodorant was a necessity.

_**Home**_

Thank God they have left. My couch is like snoggers headquarters. Remind me never to snog Dave on it. Not that I saw WS and Rollo snogging on it. But I was only here for 5 minutes. They must have. I will go wrap Dave's pressie in my room.

_**2 minutes later**_

Oh my giddy God! Rollo is still here! Lying on my bed like he bloody well owns it! Get off Frenchie!! It's GOERGIA'S bed. And your name is not Georgia. I know that for a fact. But, of course, I didn't say that to him. I did my fishy face instead. I think it was more polite.

"Why hello Georgia, back again?"

"Why are you still here?!"

Okay STUFF politeness. He looked a bit speechless. Which was a first.

"Well… err… I don't really know. If you want I can leave."

Oh yes make me the bad guy. Or girl, since I am not of the trouser-snake bearing kind.

"No… you can er, stay. And well yeah."

"Okay. Or something."

What was this? An Ellen fan club meeting? If so WHY was I here? I do not _ammie _Ellen's dithering ways.

"Right. I have a pig to pluck and a gem-squash to serenade. So I will be busy."

Wow! Normal-ish sentence. It was. Leave me alone. Accept it.

Rollo nodded, "Okay then I think I will go then. Or something. See you tomorrow at Luigi's."

He leaped of my bed at the speed of light. Or close enough. My point is he leaped fast. Then there was a bit of an awkward hug and he scampered off. And left me all on my owney. Aloney. On my owney. So sad and bluuuuuuue!! Oh God. Shut up Brain. Now. Speaking on lonelyness, where are Swiss Family Mad (with beaver included)? They do not usually give me alone time. They are too busy sticking their heads in places I do not want them near, ie anywhere with possible involvement of _moi._

_**10 minutes later**_

God I am sooo bored. Oh my soul. I think I will call Dave, as Mr. Douglas of course.

_**39 seconds later**_

Ringing….

"Hello Sophia here…"

Right manly voice now, "Hello it's Mr. Douglas here. Please may I have a word with David?"

Teehee. Did you see how old and crabby I sounded? Professional!

"Oh my. Not again. I am so sorry sir for whatever he has done this time. I don't know where he gets it –"

"Yes yes Sophia. It is rather urgent so please-"

"DAVID!!"

Dear Lord Sandra and all his minions finally. My voice was starting to hurt. He finally stumbled over to the phone.

"Hey almost birthday boy! It's me. I used my man voice."

"Oo-er!!"

_**1 hour later**_

Well that was nice. Now I think I will get ready for bed etc. Sleep and avoid madness. Or the family as some people call it.


	21. Chapter 21 is being loaded slowly :

_**Yay some update type thingy!!!**_

_**I told you I would try…**_

_**RECAP**_

_**Tuesday**_

_**Dave's Birthday**_

_**Big Luigi Thingy**_

_**7.30 am**_

_Must be EXTRA gorgey today for Dave's birthday. I have even straightened my hair. That is the kind of loving person I am. I burnt my ear though. Ouch. But all is fair in love and war. Some old bloke said that I bet. What is the date anyway? _

_**2 seconds later**_

_Hmmmmm…_

_**1 minute later**_

_Oh my giddy Gods jumpsuit. I don't bloody well believe it. Why does no fule north of the equilateral or whatever bother to tell me? I swear I might as well be a piece of old sock for all I'm treated like. Do you know what today is? It's the 16__th__ of August. And do you know what is on the 16__th__ of August? Dave's birthday. But do you know what the 17__th__ of August is? Noooo because some people are too foolish to bother with those sorts of things. ITS MY BIRTHDAY!!!_

_**8am **_

_Gorgey Sex Kitty thing has landed. And I am nearly 16. So yayay! Must eat shirt…_

_**1 minute later **_

_Where the hell did that come from?!_

_**2 minutes later**_

_Walking quite fast to Jas. I suspect Dave will run past again. But I will have the upper arm and surprise him. I am le genius. _

_**5 minutes later**_

_El Fringo is not even on her bloody wall. What in the name of Soma the Peruvian Somathing is wrong with her? Does she not realize I need company? _

_**2 minutes later**_

_I see some fool on the horizon._

_**10 seconds later**_

_Running._

_**5 seconds later**_

_For all you slow people yes it is Dave the Laugh. _

_**1 minute later**_

_In Superman jammies!!! Flaming potatoes!_

_**1 minute later**_

_Snogging Dave. In his Superman jammies. What fresh hell? I may be forced to call the Men In White Coats on my own betrothed. Which is a pity since he really does have a fantastic snogging technique. I don't want to have to call the big guys on him. _

_**1 minute later**_

_Perhaps I could hide him in my attic like that one guy did with his mad wife in some book. _

_**10 seconds later**_

_Hmmmm we don't have an attic._

_**5 seconds later**_

_Maybe in the airing closet…_

_**2 minutes later**_

_We were so rudely interrupted by Her Royal Voleyness blathering on about the 5 Deadly Snogging Sins. According to her we have:_

_Scared the innocent children trying to get to school_

_Not greeted her because of snogging _

_Most probably made each other sick (noooo…)_

_Have paid good money to snog in the dark (not now)_

_Some other pointless thing that no one cares about_

_Dave and I just did tandem snogging then pushed her in a bush. _

"_Oh my giddy God!!!! DAVE!!!! GEORGIA!!!!"_

_Dave said, "Ah you cannot be mad with me since I am Jack the Biscuit and it is my 16__th__ birthday. And Gee Gee is my Sex Kitty. Therefore immune to your fringey wrath."_

_Jas looked like she wanted to strangle him or stab him with some sharp twig she had dislodged from her bum-oley (Erlack!) but instead she smiled (scary bananas) and said, "Dave, happy birthday. But why are you wearing Superman pajamas?"_

_He nodded, "Ah yes it is the traditional birthday wear for a Biscuit of my authority."_

_Jas said, "What?"_

"_Well I may have overslept, now I have to go get changed. In your house. Toodles!"_

_He ran like a running thing into Jas' house. Jas looked horrified and stormed off. I sat on the wall like Humpty Dumpty and waited for Dave._

_**5 minutes later**_

_Finally. He looks scruffy-er than before. But still gorgey-porgey. He linked arms with me and we walked off to school._

**NEW STUFF!!!**

_**Stalag 14**_

What larks, Hawkeye has-eth a new hair cut! It looks like a some fule has put a salad bowl over her head and shaved the rest off. She is standing there looking all mean and menacing. Like an Alsatian with a crap hair cut. Which is what she is.

_**2 seconds later**_

NO you loons! I don't mean she magically turned into a mutt before my peepers. I simply mean she LOOKED fierce. Not literally looked. I mean figuratively. It's a meta-whatsit. Ask some kindhearted dimwit to explain. I have better things to do. Ask Jas.

_**Assembly**_

Oh rave on rave on. Like I really care about your years as a Hitler's mustache trimmer in the war. On the plus side Miss Wilson has foregone the never-ending sack dresses in favor of something more… corduroy. And by that I mean a bright pink dress made entirely out of corduroy with a red tartan trimming. Honestly. You just can't make these things up. Herr is just as bad. He has a lederhosen on and his matching tartan tie and sock set. But to top the crapposity of it all he has tartan suspenders. The pain school puts me through. Who sells this crap anyway? Not even the circus people would wear it. And they are certifiably insane! I think Miss Wilson makes her dresses. What a wonderful life she obviously leads.

_**15 minutes later**_

BEST NEWS EVER! SCHOOL ENDS THIS FRIDAY!!! HOW COULD I HAVE FORGOTTEN! AFTER THAT NO MORE LINDSAY! AND ELVIS IS RETIRING! SO IS SOME OLD SMELLY FART TEACHER! We all started do some improvised Disco Dancing but had to change it into a sort of group seizure since Slack gave us the evils. Ah well. Alls well in Kansas.

_**A century later, after school**_

When we got out of school we all saw the lads wearing party hats and singing the well known song 'Nunga-Nungas!!'. Quite, quite literally horrific. Then Sven came up to us and put Rosie on his shoulders. She seemed to be enjoying it though, mind you. We all linked up with the lads in a long chain and marched off to Luigi's singing the tune from Eastenders. But the very dim (ie pensioners) kept not moving when we made our chain and kept getting caught in it, complaining and mumbling BUT NOT MOVING so eventually we just walked off with them still being herded. They complained like billio but its their own fault. Each to their own, I say.

_**Luigi's**_

The final count is 3 pensioners, one toddler and very mangy looking dog that kept following us. All the pensioners have reached ballistimus stage with us and one even hit Dec with their shopping bag. But we just marched on. Soldiers of the pants, fighting in the French Rev.

_**5 seconds later**_

Speaking of the Froggy folk, where is Rollo?

_**10 minutes later**_

Rollo is already sitting at the table with Jas'n'Tom being 'mature'. Charlotte is there as well. Yay. Not. The customers are all giving us strange looks. I wonder why…

_**5 seconds later**_

Oh right. Party hats and a big guy from Lap Land snogging Rosie. She is still on his shoulders. I don't know how they do it but quite frankly I don't think I want to. But still! Let the celebrations begin!

_**2 minutes later**_

Who ever thought it would be a good idea to let Sven order is indeed very dim.

"Meed!!!"

"No sorry sir, we don't have meed here.

"Jah!!! I want meed! Now!"

"Sorry we don't-"

"I will bring down your house, jah!"

"Um ok. What would you like to drink?"

"Herring!!!"

"Drink, sir."

"Meed and Herring for me and my chicky!!! Vikings!"

The waiter smiled at him then ambled over to Dave.

"Sir, what would you like to drink?"

"Yes rather wise of you. My friend there is not entirely sane…"

We all looked at Sven who was now doing some sort of 70's disco dance to a delighted Ro-Ro. The waiter nodded.

"So I'll have the traditional drink of the Biscuit for me and my KittyKat. And I think some coke for everyone else."

"Biscuit?"

"Yes."

"Errr, what is that?"

Dave looked at the poor bloke. Then he said really slowly, "We want coke."

"Ah right away. And for a main?"

"Break open the fattened calf!"

The waiter looked a bit scared but scurried away.

_**Half an hour later**_

Good God. We have been kicked out. And Sven has been banned for life. He did get a bit shirty with the waiter when he didn't get any meed, but really. The are just trying to kill our spirit and so forth. Fascists. Dave doesn't seem to mind though. He's still in a ridiculously good mood. Rollo has gone home to, er, garden. Yes that's it. Me and Dave are right up in the front. I don't know where we are walking to.

Dave said, "Hey KittyKat. Do you want to come to my special birthday dinner tonight?"

"Yes please. Finally some food."

"I should warn you though my WHOLE family is going to be there."

"Why is that a problem?"

"Well, you see… never mind I don't want to scare you."

Scare me? Pardon?

I said, "Pardon?"

But Dave just wiggled his eyebrows at me.

_**Home**_

It turns out Dave was just walking me home and like the loons they are everyone followed us. Oh the things I have to put up with. Now I just got to get ready. Dave is meeting me at 7. He did like his shirt.


	22. Has Your Beard Found A Mustachey Friend?

**Hey all my gorgy patient type chummies! And I say that in a way that does not indicate that I am on the turn. Because I am defiantly not. Sorry. **

**Thank you sooo much for the reviews and you all being so nice and caring. Like Emma. Teehee. I am going to try get one more update up in January, sorry for the delay. Then I want this FF finito, I have a better one in mind. But I will finish this one first, since I love you that much. Non lezzie love. Enjoy, this is the third last chappie.**

**Love **

**Mel**

**Xxx**

_**11pm**_

_**After Supper at Casa Mad**_

Remind me never to join Dave for supper again. All I can say is mad old ladies who wear pirate patches over their eyes (Dave's grandmother), a small explosion (Dave stuck one in the cake, don't ask me how) and Sophia's 'creatively charged' boyfriend reciting a monologue from 'Misadventures Of A Teenage Renegade'. It was about the first time he got the painters. Quite literally horrific. Also Matt has dyed his hair. Red. With makerachrome. And he seems to have a cockney accent. I dunno who was more afraid, me or Dave.

_**Wednesday**_

_**My Birthday**_

_**8.30am**_

Oh lack a day and so forth! For I am 16-eth! And also late. So very, very late.

_**9am**_

Arrived at school as red as a flaming tomato since I had to run the whole way. My so called bestey didn't even bother to wait for me ON MY BIRTHDAY!!! Miss Stamp didn't even appreciate my truly amazing running ability. And she is supposedly a woman of the world. Or woman of the sporting world. What I mean is she is a sports uberfure. Half lesbian, half man, half beast. And a small, but significant, portion beard. Hold on I don't quite think that adds up…

When I walked through the gates she just about hit number 10 on the losing it scale.

"GEORGIA NICOLSON!!! LATE! AGAIN!"

Then I tried to explain to the prat but she was just to thick to get it.

"Well hello Miss Stamp you see I ran the whole way here and it is really quite far and-"

"NO EXCUSES!!! BAD CONDUCT MARK FOR YOU!!"

"But its my birthday miss!!!"

"Your birthday is it? Hmmm well then I think you can take TWO bad conduct marks, one is a present. Now get to assembly before I give you detention as well."

She is such a COW I swear to Lord Sandra she is more mean. I think she is seeing Hawkeye for extra mean lessons. Hawkeye is an expert in the way of girly torture and all that jazz.

_**German**_

Eeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhh when will it ever end?!?! Not even the special dance the gang did for me could help ease the BOREDOM! Even if I did laugh like a drain when Ellen managed to stab Mabs in the eye with her elbow and then fell down, unfortunately but quite hilariously, (also it was Ellen, not Mabs, that fell) there was a hill behind her so she tumbled down for about 5 min then crashed into Elvis. Who went ballisticismus and gave Ellen detention after school for 'attempted murder'. When Ellen tried to explain to the fule he told her she is lucky he isn't pressing charges. What larks. I officially HATE school. Also WL has given me the special birthday surprise of getting new extensions. She may have done me permanent mental damage with her distinct resemblance to a WET OCTOPUS.

_**5 minutes later**_

Rosie has just passed me a note

_I am a happy bunny_

What is she going on about? She is doing a little bunny impersonation. Does she not realize those things are pure, fluffy evil? However if I do not ask her why she is happy she will never stop and turn into a half bunny, half human. A buman. And no one wants that, except for perhaps Sven, oh God.

_Why? Has your beard found a mustachey friend?_

She gave me a cross eyed look.

_Non. Charlotte was sent back to wherever she came from, my Mutti found her snogging Rollo. He is quite the careless and free tarty skank, no?_

What wonderful news, NOT! On the plus side el Weedo has left. YAY!


	23. Read

**Sorry to all that wanted to know the end of my FF. I am really and truly sorry and I know its unfair and I should be condemned but I just think it sucks. And you may not, which is really nice, but the truth is I can't even remember the detail type parts of the FF. Now I know how disappointing and evil it is to end a FF when it is not actually finished but I want you all to know how it ended. Sorry I can't write it but I'm just not really into and passionate about that FF anymore, I'm really and truthfully sorry. I haven't got writers block, I knew how I wanted it to end but I just want to start a new, funnier, better, more accurate FF. And I will! I'm gonna write a few shortish chappies first then when I got a few I'll upload about twice, once a week so there won't be that horrible waiting for a new chappie for weeks and weeks until you've forgotten the story. It will be nice and better done. Sorry again to all my readers but I have posted what I planned to happen. Its very brief and not very detailed but maybe some of you wanted to know what I planned. I understand if you all want to hit me with a wet towel then feed me to killer sloth's. Thank you so so so much to everyone who read my FF especially those who reviewed. I've read them so many times I think I have the whole list memorized.**

**Love**

**Mel**

**Xxx**

_**READ AUTHOR NOTE!!! VERY IMPORTANT!!!!**_

The plan:

Well Rollo comes to tell Gee that he has big news. Gee almost has an outburst of red bottomositsy but restrains herself. Rollo tells Gee his mother has decided to move back to Le Gay Paree and that he is leaving in two days. Gee starts crying and Rollo is very sweet. They have one last snog and Rollo leaves to go tell the gang. Gee is crying. Jas comes to see how things are and comforts Gee. Dave comes to see Gee and Gee realizes it's for the best. Rollo leaves and has a great time in France. Gee and Dave realize that the whole thing has only made them stronger.

IE: big, corny happy soppy ending.


End file.
